Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Wow, look! I Actually Posted. (It's long)

Hello World. Or rather family and friends who haven't given up on checking this thing.

I am alive still just uber super stressed and busy.

Update:

Um... life is still going.

25 days until we get married.

I'm going nuts.

Sweet Guy is going nuts.

We're enjoying most of it. Insanity is an interesting place. Honest.

I'm still at Walmart and will probably stay there until after the new year.

Sweet Guy's insurance coverage should be starting December 1st.

We'll be moving our stuff into our apartment on December 1st as well.

Sweet Guy is slowly losing sanity as he works 40+ hours at work and is taking 14 credit hours of 3000 level classes.

We're both very much looking forward to the week we're both taking off before our wedding.

Erm... my numbers were struggling a bit for the first half of the semester, but I've upped all of my insulin intakes and I'm finally living in a normal range. There has been a good amount of encouragement from Sweet Guy while I've been arguing with numbers.

My pump broke this last Saturday, but the people at Medtronic lived up to my expected standard and got my pump to me early Monday morning, and I'm good as new.

I learned which of my friends have needle phobia this weekend as I went back to syringes. There's more than I thought actually. Though I don't blame for cringing by very early Monday morning, I was testing and 'shooting up' every two hours in attempt to keep my numbers semi-normal. I actually got some decent numbers and saw my first 90 mg/dl in nearly two months. Made Sweet Guy and I both rather giddy.

Talking of giddy. That seems to be both he and I these last couple of days as we have now entered our last month before we get married. The count down has begun. As of right now, we have: 25 days6 hours56 minutes and 42 seconds until Saturday, December 20, 2008 at 9:20:00 AM.

Anyway, due to higher running numbers, I lost my awesome A1c from the summer of 6.7% to 7.9%. :/ But as I said, due to this number, I am taking a much more aggressive attack toward my care.

I've had a few lows due to the new aggressive tack that I have taken. I had a crazy one this weekend actually. I only caught it since I was checking and bolusing every two hours. So as it hit 9pm I grabbed my meter and jabbed my finger testing yet again. When I saw the result: 53 mg/dl I looked at my finger in confusion and then I showed the number to Sweet Guy who looked questioningly at me. Neither of us believed it. So I tested again on another finger: 47 mg/dl

"What the heck?" I showed him the new number.

"Well maybe you have some chocolate on your finger... wait, no that would cause a high number... why don't you double check with my meter?" (I have a back up meter at his apartment.)

I grabbed his meter and came back with a final number that scared the crap out of me: 40 mg/dl

We looked at each other in confusion.

"Well I don't feel like that at all but two meters and three results can't be wrong."

He agreed.

So I started eating some more of the Orange Sticks that we had been snacking on. 

After about five minutes, I swear it was like a wave that crashed over me and knocked me down. Instantly I started mumbling my words and losing all clear thought. I sat down on the bed and tried to remember where I had put my mini Dr. Pepper. It took me a minute to find it. Sweet Guy looked at me, seeing my nauseous look he asked, "It finally hit you?"

I just nodded and laid my head in his lap as I felt the room suddenly start spinning.

That nasty one had me stuck leaning on Sweet Guy for a good 20-40 minutes. I'm really curious as to why the same number can feel so different. Or how in the world did I not feel that number while I was in the 60s or even the 50s? And why the heck is it always impossible to find the sugar when it's right in front of your face?

So anyway, I may be a bit frazzled but I'm still as happy as ever. I have no idea when I'll next blog but hopefully I at least get one done in December.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Bawling Lows

So last night I had one of those wonderful very public lows while I was working.

I had been a little funky so I tested, came up 60. So I went over and bought myself a cookie to take care of that.

My manager came over and asked me to go to the sales floor to help them out since they were so short. I was kinda having trouble talking but I said, "I-I just had a... low blood sugar... I'll be good in a sec, do you mind if I take my meter and juice with me?" I asked as I pulled them from the door greeter cupboard.

She replied with a bit of irritation, "Actually, I do mind, you can just leave those there and go, thank-you."

So I put them back in mumbling kind of incoherently about my low blood sugar. I was kind of struggling to string two thoughts together. After a bit of my mumbling she finally understood a little of what I was trying to say. She asked me if I was having "sugar troubles".  That coupled with the fact that I was low and that she had grumpily told me I couldn't have my meter and juice with me set me to tears.

Ugh, I hate going low. Usually a low robs me of my ability to talk, walk and much of anything else at least for a few minutes, but this one was worse than usual for some reason. (Might have had something to do with forgetting to eat all day.)

But here I was sobbing in front of my manager, who instantly started apologizing for upsetting me as I attempted to explain what was wrong. I was trying to explain that I had eaten the cookie and I should be fine in just a few minutes, but I was still low and how embarrassed I was that I was just bent over one of the registers bawling for no apparent reason. Eventually she figured out my mumbling well enough to ask if I was diabetic. I nodded and she instantly understood. But that did nothing to save my poor dignity. It took me a good five minutes before I could finally control my tears. 

She told me that if I needed, I could definitely come back and grab my meter or my juice if I needed, but she'd rather I leave them at the cupboard by the door while I went to the sales floor.

After my shift, I went back to her to apologize and explain why I had acted the way I had. I wanted to explain it while my BS was within a normal range. She said she understood, but nobody had told her that I was diabetic. I could have sworn I made it a point to tell all of the managers that I was diabetic. But I guess I had missed her, or she hadn't remembered. So she and another manager asked me that I come in early today to fill out some medical papers documenting my diabetes. They say for reasons of an emergency, such as if I ever pass out on them, they have all my information to give to the ambulance.

So I'll probably be heading down to do that soon. But man, I haven't been that irritated and embarrassed in a while. Last night I just curled up with Sweet Guy for a little while, telling him how much I wish I could just get rid of diabetes. I hate lows, with a fiery, burny passion. And some days, I  really hate being diabetic.

Tagged!!

Here are the rules: -
I have to answer the following questions with one word answers, then I must pass it on to seven others. The questions are as follows: -
1. Where is your cell phone?.................... Dead-
2. Where is your significant other?........Snoring-
3. Your hair color?.....................................Golden-
4. Your mother?.........................................Worried-
5. Your father?...........................................Crazy-
6. Your favorite thing?..............................Music-
7. Your dream last night?..................................Sweet Guy-
8. Your dream/goal?..................................Change-
9. The room you're in?........................................Apartment-
10. Your hobby?........................................Blogging-
11. Your fear?...........................Hate-
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?.........Family-
13. Where were you last night?...........................Work-
14. What you're not?.........................................Graceful-
15. One of your wish-list items?.........................Health-
16. Where you grew up?.....................................Malad -
17. The last thing you did?......................................Read-
18. What are you wearing?..................................Pants-
19. Your TV?............................................................Imaginary-
20. Your pet?...........................................................Gone-
21. Your computer?..........................................Dying-
22. Your mood?.................................................Twitterpated-
23. Missing someone?............................................Always-
24. Your car?...................................................Non-existant-
25. Something you're not wearing?................Make-up-
26. Favorite store?.................................................Barnes and Noble-
27. Your summer?................................................Engaging!-
28. Love someone?..............................................Extremely-
29. Your favorite color?......................................Blue-
30. When is the last time you laughed?...............Earlier-
31. Last time you cried?.............................Last night-
I award the following people with the "I love your blog award" and in so doing tag them to complete the above questions. -
Whomever reads this, but you have to leave me a comment letting me know.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Toll

I was reading Kerri's post today. And it got me thinking about more than just my situation. Yes, I am the person that lives with a diabetic body everyday. But who else worries about said diabetic body? What toll does it take on those who love me?

I know my parent's worry about me. I know they've done research and have seen what diabetes can do to a body.

I know the rest of my family has done similar research or has asked me for the details and what all diabetes entails. 

My friends, everyday, see my sucesses and trials. They see me wince at a bad number or become elated at wonderful numbers.

They've come to the point where they all know what effect each number has on my future.

Everyone around me is affected. Even my new family.

What Kerri's post got me thinking about most was my soon to be husband. He is a man that astounds me everyday. He is doing 14 credit hours of 3000 level classes and on top of that he has recently worked to become promoted to a shift manager at Carl's Jr. He works full time doing the closing shift there. Why does he do that? Partially to work through school debt free but probably one of the things that drives him to do it most is that I can have insurance. So my diabetes is taken care of.

It just astounds me... that's all I can say. 

Yet I know that at some point, my disease takes it's toll on everyone around me. Most especially him. I can see him worry. And I can see the stress he is under.

I know he thinks about our future family. I know I am no longer the only one worrying about my ability to safely be pregnant. It seems there is a bit of a history of trouble with pregnancy in my family. Put diabetes on top of that..... And now, this post has turned into a rant. :/ Hmm... 

The point of this post is the toll that my disease takes on not only me, but the ones I love. There are days I really wish I could remove diabetes from my life, just to spare other's worry about me. To spare my dear fiance a little stress.

I do my best to do what I can by taking the best care of myself I know how. I keep myself healthy as best I can. 

Monday, September 29, 2008

"You're not dying."

Well yes, I know that. And that's not why I'm checking my pump so often.

The other day, one of my co-workers suddenly asked why I was so paranoid. I asked what she meant.

"Well you look at your pump like every five minutes, what the heck are you doing? It's not like if you don't check it, you'll keel over and die."

I looked at her for a moment, trying to sort the three ridiculous emotions that instantly flaired. The first was to laugh uncontrolably at her naive assumption, the second was oddly enough feeling irritation, because if I was checking my blood sugar or something that often, obviously, I shouldn't worry so much about my health. The last was kinda hurt.

But I marshalled all those random emotions, and pulled out my pump, showing her the screen. "Ah, I can see why you'd be so confused, actually, if you hadn't noticed, I don't wear a watch. My pump has a clock on it."

I swear you could see the lightbulb as it suddenly made sense.

Pumps are making the wristwatch obsolete. ;)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My Supermen

So today was an adventure. About an hour into work, my infusion site decided to start melting off. And since my only transportation is the bus or my feet. I had to call my friends to go dig through my apartment, find me a new site and bring one in for me.

I called up the CSM (Customer Service Manager), explained the situation and asked her to have someone watch the door while I went and made calls. She had no problem with that. She just said, "Please don't pass out on me." I chuckled and said I haven't yet. I was disinclined to tell her the effect ice cream, pizza, pasta or any high, fast acting carb has on me when I forget insulin. ;) It wasn't really relevant.

I called up the Drewicus (one of Sweet Guy's roommates and one of our best friends) and he handed me off ("Hey man, it's your fiance.") to Sweet Guy. Thank goodness he was there since none of the other guys know all the parts of my pump and would have no clue what I needed. (BTW, Sweet Guy doesn't have a cell, that's why I didn't call him direct.)

"Hey hon, what's up?"

"Sweetie, my site is falling out and my last number read 345. Could you do me a huge favor, go to my apartment, grab me a new site and get here as soon as you can?"

I instantly heard a tone in his voice. "I'll be there as soon as I can, I'll see you soon Love." He hung up.

I ran back up to the front and waited while Sweet Guy got there. Since he doesn't have a car either he had to ride the bus, it took him about an hour (quite a pain in the butt since it's only a five minute drive... we really need a car). During that hour, I swear the CSM came over five times just to make sure I was still standing and I know she had a few other associates watching me too.

Sweet Guy finally walked in the door, sweat was beaded all across his face, I thought it was only because it was 85 degrees outside. But after we both got off work tonight, he admitted he had been sweating so hard because all he could think was, "Crap, Jess is going to pass out on me before I get there, stupid, idiotic, slow buses... crap crap crap." Obviously he had a few stronger words.

I had no idea how affected he would be just by hearing that number. (Since, anymore, the highest I usually go is 220 and even that's rare, I can see why 345 threw him.) I may feel like crap in the 300s but I don't start freaking out until I can't get out of the 500s or higher.

But still, the moral of the story is, I have an amazing group of friends, a pretty decent place to work and one hell of a fiance. Oh yeah, also, follow the diabetic motto a little better: Be Prepared.

(BTW, there are two other posts in creation, be sure to check below this one for the other two.)

My Roofie

The other night me, Mike and Rob were at Mike's house watching Venture Brother's while we waited for Sweet Guy to get off work. He closes most nights.

So as usual there were treats. Mike offered me a few Airhead candy's. Which I've discovered are 14 grams of carbs. I hadn't eaten an Airhead since I was diagnosed Jan. '07. So I had no clue what they do to my BS....

Apparently they knock me out faster than a knock to the back of the head. I munched on three of them and within 20 minutes, I was down for the count. At least until the insulin I had punched in finally hit my system which was a good hour or so later.

I sat up groggily when my BS finally came within decent range again and asked how many episodes I had slept through. They told me and then Mike said to Rob, "See? Roofies!"

I laughed. "What did I miss?"

Rob: "Well once we noticed you were out, Mike made the comment: 'You know. These things are like diabetic roofies. She was out in under twenty minutes.' "

I just laughed. I love how the guys can always find ways to make me giggle about my diabetes. It's never a problem, they know better than to be 'food police'. They're well educated in how it all works so they understand all my jargon. (SWAG has become a part of all of our vocabularies) They know how to test my BS and know where I always keep a stash of sugar... just in case.

When we picked up Sweet Guy from work that night the guys were only too eager to share my 'roofie'. LOL He laughed along with us and jokingly said he'll have to plot how he can use that to his advantage. ;)


Now, on this matter of things that hit me hard. Holy cow, I've been finding things that I just can't eat without finding myself sound asleep within the hour even with a proper bolus of insulin, unless I fight to stay awake.

Pasta knocks me flat out for a couple of hours. Potatoes are hard. Regular pop or juice are really hard on me. I drink them very sparingly. White bread is a pain.

My personal favorite is ice cream. hehe, if I ever want to get drunk, I don't need alcohol, just a tub of ice cream and I'm good to go. I get extremely goofy, like a funny drunk, 'pass out' (more like get really tired and curl up for a nap) and then wake up with a hang over and have to pee like no body's business. If that isn't getting drunk, I don't know what is. (BTW, I don't drink and never will so I'll never know what it's like to be actually drunk, but if I were to guess, I'd guess it'd be similar to my ice cream experiences.)

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I Live!!

Why do I always feel the need to apologize at the beginning of all my posts lately? Oh right... because I'm never on any more. Seriously, I've had people wondering if I'm doing okay. I am... I'm doing great. I'm just ridiculously busy. As in, more busy than I have ever been in my life. It might have something to do with getting married in under 100 freaking days. -giggle- :)



So an update. Um... Basically, I got the apartment with an awesome roommate. I am employed at the "Oh so wonderful" Wally World (Wal-Mart). Hey, it's a job, and I have rent to pay, a wedding band to buy, medical to pay... it goes on, yeah, I'm officially joining this club called adulthood. ;) I'm going to get into management as soon as I can.



Sweet Guy is going to get a promotion by the end of the month, moving into an employment class that offers insurance. So we'll have insurance for me. That's a good thing. We've put in for married student housing. We should get notification by November and I'll move in at the first of December.

Let's see, what else... Hmmm, just keeping myself busy, helping Sweet Guy with his 14 credit hours, 35 hour work weeks, keeping both of us up with friends and staying sane on top of it all. My diabetes took a bit of a back burner for a short while but now that I finally have a job, I'm getting back into the swing of testing regularly and watching my numbers closely again.

I'm just enjoying having a social life again, gossiping with my friends (even all my poor guy friends, since most of my friends are guys) about wedding reception plans and ideas. I've done a little dress browsing with a girlfriend. But I'm waiting till my mom has a little time so she and I can go properly looking.

I've been trying to figure out what kind of band to get Sweet Guy, I just can't decide and he really doesn't have a preference. We're working on getting my engagement ring and wedding band, we've had trouble with the ring company.  Yes, I am very excited to be able to show friends something shiny from  Sweet Guy. No, I'm not that shallow, but I am ADOS.... Attention Defacit- Oh Shiny!!!! hehe I like shiny. (Yes I am being a bit ridiculous, why you ask?) 

Humm.... what else, what else. Well so far, we've found a washer and a dryer, but that's about it as far as furnishings for our apartment. We'll probably hit up Deseret Industries (D.I., it's like Salvation Army or Goodwill, except the L.D.S. version.) for further furniture.

I think that's about it for now, I'm gonna crash for now and catch you all on the flip side.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm Engaged!


Hey, I've been trying to figure out how to say this, I've dreamed up wonderful posts describing everything, I've had flippant and funny ways to say it, but I realized, I just don't have much more than a moment to sit down and write the blog just how I want right now. So here’s the story barely edited and nearly entirely raw.

The basics, this Sweet Guy I am always talking about on here. Well he and I have been discussing getting married in May ‘09 for quite a while (read: months). We just wanted to get through the next school year and one of us needed to find insurance (mostly for my diabetes) before we could get married which usually means a full time job. Which is rather challenging during school. But as things would happen, my financial aid fell through, so I cannot afford school this year, which means I lost my school housing in Logan too. So between last Monday and today, I very luckily found an apartment within walking distance of Sweet Guy (remember Logan is a college town and he lives on campus, VERY LUCKY, school starts on the 25th), turned in an application and was accepted (again lucky because another girl had already applied for the same room), signed the contract, emailed that off and have paid my deposit and first rent. I’m putting in any online job applications I can find. And I’ve gotten engaged. My whole life seems to have changed direction faster than I had originally planned.

Continue for detail on engagement stuffs.

On Tuesday morning, around 2am, we were chatting on MSN, Sweet Guy asked me a question:
Sweet Guy: Would you rather get married sooner?
Jess: Want an honest answer?
Sweet Guy: Yes
Jess: Hell yes.

(I have told him this counts his proposal, he says he doesn't care, he's still going to do it properly.)
:)

It may not seem the most profound thing to many others, but to me, it's unforgettable.

We moved the wedding date up to December and went to bed after deciding that we'd talk to our families and that if we didn’t sleep soon, we’d probably have heart attacks from excitement.

When we both told our parents and I told my grandparents, I think they ALL smiled or chuckled. They had known we'd never keep the date in May. And his parents had actually been wondering if it would be December we moved the date to. So it looks like Sweet Guy and I were the most surprised parties. (It seems most friends who are ever around us believed the same.)

I talked to his Mom that afternoon after I got home from work. She said Sweet Guy's feet hadn't touched the floor since he woke up. He was just floating through the house. :) I have to admit; I still haven't found the floor. I'm stuck on cloud 9.

Tuesday night, Sweet Guy set up conference call between himself, my parents and me. (Since I'm in Delta, he's in West Jordan and my parents are in Malad, we’re a little spread between Utah and Idaho.) I watched him over the web cam and listened to him as he talked. I swear I've never heard him stutter so much or seen sweat go down his forehead like that before, but he took a deep breath anyway and asked my Dad for permission to have my hand in marriage. And he survived.

Since Sweet Guy's in West Jordan and I'm in Delta (two hours apart through the middle of nowhere), he hasn't had the opportunity to get down on his knee and propose but he's working on that. But we decided to label ourselves Engaged anyway, we’ll need all of the four months we have to plan a wedding and we just couldn't wait to tell people our news. And of course, the first thing we did was go change our Facebook status. LOL.

So up to this point, we've set a date, December 20, 2008. We've set a place, the Salt Lake City LDS Temple. And most everything else is still in the works.

Sweet Guy and I are still trying to believe that this isn't just a dream; I've pinched myself more than once just to be sure.

So there’s the news in a huge nutshell. I’m working on packing to move back to Logan right now and fielding emails, phone calls, and Facebook messages as best I can. Leave me a note but just be aware it may take me a little time to get back to you.

On a side note, I swear getting engaged has cured my diabetes. (Grandpa says it wasn’t diabetes, it was single-itis.) I’m not kidding, I seriously haven’t had any high blood sugars; I think the highest I’ve been since Tuesday was 125. Now on the flipside, I’ve had low after low rain down on me at work, at home, everywhere, I’ve drunk so much juice I never want to look at it again. And I’ve taken nearly no bolus insulin, I'm living off basal, it is freaky. If anyone has any idea’s about this please help. Thanks.
(And yeah, I do remember that a side affect of Sweet Guy is going low but.... there's two hours of desert between us, I mean come on. ;))

And now, I’ll go back to my insane life and hope to be back soon.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

5 am Meandering

-yawn- Hey, it's 5 in the morning I haven't slept since yesterday morning... Why don't I blog? ;) That should put me right to sleep.

Just some random meandering of thoughts. Not a lot has been going on since I last popped on here. Working, listening to music, attempting to study, keeping up with family and friends. Just got invited to one of my high school friend's wedding receptions. I think that's 7 of the people from my grade of 71 that are now married or are engaged. That's 10%, kind of impressed.

But I've just been keeping up with everything as best I can through Facebook. Love that place.

But sometimes I get to thinking about random things, like... do all my friends that I don't talk to understand those Facebook status' that say I'm so high I can't see straight? They all know I'd never do drugs but they've gotta be scratching their heads trying to figure out what the heck I mean.

I mean, if you ever spend any time with me, you can't help but know I'm diabetic. But these people on Facebook, most don't know word one about diabetes.

I often have to catch myself when talking to them. A frequent question is how are you feeling today? Well my autopilot response usually involves something about my blood sugar numbers in between all the drama and boring fluff. I forget that they don't live with diabetes, that they don't automatically know exactly what I'm talking about.

There are very few friends who actually know exactly what I mean when I say I'm 55. The normal response is, "Is that ok?" or "Oh, that's good, right?" Very few people understand why I let out a yippee when my meter reads anything between 90 and 100. They don't understand my urge to share such wonderful numbers. They're just numbers to them. To me, they're much more. I try to just see them as status reports but I usually worry about what each out-of-range number is doing to my future health. They don't get why I groan when I see anything over 150.

Though, I've gotta say, I really appreciate that people around me do try to learn. They'll ask for what the range of good numbers are, they'll ask what a certain number makes me feel like.

There is one person who knows what all my numbers almost as well as I do, and he's getting talented at carb counts too. Yeah, I'm talking about that person I never stop talking about. ;) Sweet Guy, my boyfriend and best friend. The guy picked up the diabetes learning curve from the day he met me and ran with it.

He cheers me on when I'm down because of a really bad d-day, he helps me study my blood sugar charts, helps me bounce ideas to figure out why my latest BS average is nothing but BS. I definitely earned my name Lucky when I ran into this guy. And he has never lost the Sweet part of his name.

And if you're really curious as to what you might see me doing if you peeked into my life, you'd most likely find me chatting with him on MSN. You know, I haven't seen him in two months now. And I really hope I'm not causing too much eye rolling in whoever may be reading this. But I don't have a ton of diabetes stuff right now.

I've finally found an infusion set site that hasn't melted off yet. Top butt cheek. -shrug- I couldn't tell you why, but it has definitely stayed the week instead of sweating off the first day.

Other diabetes stuff, in my Primary Sunday school classes, it has become an event to watch Jessica test her blood sugar. I needed to do it once in class and they've been forever fascinated since. They all want a turn to poke the teacher. ;) One of my little students has started watching me in sacrament to see if I test my blood sugar. And then when we get to our classes, she proudly tells me that she saw me.. And that it was so cool, but still gross because "You licked off your finger... again, that's just yucky Jess." I love these kids, I teach about five 5 year old girls in my little class. A while back, when they asked me to explain why I had to test my blood sugar, they all accused me of being a liar when I explained that they had a pancreas. "We do not!! That's gross!! You must be lying teacher. I can't have a pancreas." Oh well, they all know I have Type 1 Diabetes and that I have to test my blood sugar to make sure I'm feeling good and that I have to have my pump to keep me healthy. (that's what they tell all the other kids not in my class) And of course that it's all very gross. I don't understand that, but it still makes me laugh when they all gather around to watch me test and then it's just hilarious the way all ten eyes watch my finger as I bring it up to lick it off. And then the subsequent groan "Ewwww", I've never left that class with anything less than a huge grin plastered on my face.

What else. Hmm, well I'm making a trip up to Malad next weekend with Sweet Guy. Gonna stay at my parent's house for the weekend and then go to Logan on Monday for a doctor's appointment with a new doctor. (YAY for finally having a driver's license!!) My last doctor decided to focus entirely on pediatrics and dropped all of his internal medicine patients. I'm hoping this new Doctor is good. I can't wait until I actually have the means to see an Endocrinologist. My last A1c was 7.1%. Not bad, but I want better but I'm not exactly sure how to change what I do. But anyway, for now, I'll just keep going to the docs that are close by so I can get my prescriptions and such.

Anyway, I should probably make another attempt at getting a little sleep. If you got this far down the post, kudos to you. I'm impressed. If you have any comments or want to know something, leave me a comment or question. I'll get you an answer asap.

tata. ;)

Friday, July 4, 2008

Five for Adults, Four for Kids

"Hey Jess, you still want to go to breakfast?"

I grunted at Grandpa, something affirmative sounding. Heck, it 6:50 am.

So I rolled out of bed, threw on some clothes and tested real quick before I followed him out the door.

Last night we had decided that when he got home from his graveyard shift, we'd hit the breakfast Delta was putting on for Independence Day.

They were just starting to assemble everything as we got there, but the food was hot and ready.

We walked up to pay for our breakfasts.

"Hey guys, it's five dollars for adults and four dollars for kids." He said looking at the two of us.

"Well I'm the kid and she's the adult so here's 10 dollars. Keep the change." Grandpa said giving me a cheeky grin.

The man had already pulled out a dollar change and was trying to hand it to Grandpa. This is when I finally spoke up. "I am 19 and a sophomore in college, does that count as being an adult?"

He looked at me like I'd sprouted a set of whiskers. I just smiled at him before Grandpa and I turned to get our breakfasts.

He mumbled, "I guess that would qualify you." before he slipped the dollar back in the tray with a slight flush.

I'm starting to wonder if I'll be 40 before people actually think I'm even 18. It has been a couple of years since I was handed a 10 and under menu.

;)

{Edit: Like Grandma Specht emailed me, I am enjoying this. haha, I just found it quite funny and had to share.}

Thursday, July 3, 2008

One Hot Diabetic

As it heats up here in Delta, I notice that my body reacts differently to my diabetes care. It is normal for me and Tasha to be working in 90 -100 degree weather for most of the day. Some changes I've had to make in my care and things I've learned:



  • I have to be sure to use less insulin when the temperatures spike because the heat makes me warmer, causing the insulin to work faster. Coupled with the physical work, I only need half the insulin for most of my meals during the work day.

  • Lows are almost inevitable when you are working your butt off in the high heat. I thought I'd just carry around a bottle of orange juice to treat lows. Well Jessica (me, obviously) learned that orange juice tastes REALLY bad if it is left opened in her backpack for a couple of days. Apparently it does go bad. I also learned, (I know this is gross but it was a learning experience) that orange juice that has gone bad will still raise a low blood sugar. (What? I didn't have anything else with me.) It'll just make your stomach churn as well.

  • I learned that carrying a small 12 oz. re-closable bottle of pop is better, pop doesn't go bad, it just goes flat.

  • When you are pulling hoses all day make sure your pump site is somewhere it'll not have hose dragging across it. The hose will rub it off no matter how much tape you put over top of it.

  • On that same note, Make sure your pump is secure and inside your pocket. If it's hanging off your pocket or belt, the hose will catch it and tear it off, causing you to have a flying pump that loves to try to pull your site out again as it swings in and out of your reach.

  • You cannot skip meals at all when working hard, it causes more lows. I've tried a few times and every time has ended with me having to stop and nurse my low.

  • Another reason to have your pump secure: When scaling fences to reach the backyard, you don't want it flying out and landing underneath you as you fall flat on your butt because you are as graceful as me and have yet to land on your feet when jumping a fence.

  • Water is incredibly critical, if I don't keep hydrated I've noticed my bloodsugars seem to swing with the stress. I haven't the slightest clue why but that's what happens.

  • Since I walk everywhere all day, I make sure to check my feet carefully every night for any bruises or blisters. Also, in the morning I make extra certain that my socks aren't wrinkled so I can avoid having sore spots.

  • Another one I don't know the reason for: Adequate sleep is critical. Swinging bloodsugars are directly affected by the amount of sleep gotten the night before. So I've found I need at least 7 hours of sleep.

  • I've learned a lot more than this but the most important thing is that there is no set formula, every single day will throw something different at me. So checking my blood sugar every 2 hours is nearly essential.

So I've got to head back out and continue melting my pants right off my butt. Cy'all later.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I Am Not Lazy, I Am Tired.

Today was another day the weather didn't cooperate with us so work was canceled for most of the day. I was able to sleep in. Catch up on sleep and re energize a bit.

Grandma came in at around 11:30 telling my to get my lazy bum out of bed. The "lazy" caught my attention and stung. She is not the first person to call me lazy. A couple of mornings ago my aunt said something similar. Now, I know most people say that in fun. Just being funny but enough honestly believe I'm just plain lazy, that it's starting to bother me. Roommates, brothers, family and friends think me lazy because when I'm not running a million miles an hour people usually find me knocked out on a couch, floor or where ever I sat down to rest.

I am becoming irritated with this assumption. I sleep because I am dead tired. Because I cannot keep my eyes open and have lost all concentration. I sleep to refuel so I am able to keep up with others and to do as much as I can. I do work hard. You may not see everything I do but I am doing it and it wears me down fast.

It drives me nuts that I wear out so fast and need to sleep and rest as often as I do. I am always tired. I am never not. I can only conclude that it must be attributed to my diabetes. I did not feel like this before I got diabetes. My numbers are always in flux, bouncing daily from the low sixties to the high 200s on many days. I have not figured out how to smooth out the instability, I'm working on it. But it wears me out. The only way I can keep up is to sleep and restore a bit of energy.

I identify with The Spoon Theory. (I would highly recommend clicking on the link if you are not familiar with the story) I may not have Lupus but I am rarely not tired and must pick and choose what I can do. When I don't, I feel the consequences.

So next time you come across me, fallen asleep on the couch or sleeping longer than you think I need to, please leave me be. I need it.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Helping. I Love It.

On Tuesday I went to a church Primary activity to see if I could help out. I didn't have work so I had the time. After we had sent the children home and we were cleaning up the Gym. The woman who was in charge came over to thank me.
"I appreciate the help, it's nice that you came." She thanked me.

"No prob, I had nothing else to do anyway."

"So I couldn't help but notice that you are diabetic." She pointed at my pump.

"Yeah, I love this thing. Makes life a lot easier." I grinned, I always love to brag about my pump.

"My niece just got one last week. We're hoping it helps her a lot. So what do you like about it?"

We jabber jawed a bit about diabetes and then switched to talking about who I am related to here in Delta. Like everyone else in Delta, she instantly knew my Grandparents and told me which of my aunts and uncles she went to school with.

When we had finished cleaning up I offered her my cell phone number just in case her sister ever needed some advice on using the pump or on Diabetes in general.

So this morning about 10 minutes after the 8 am phone call from my boss saying that we weren't working today, I got a call from the woman I had spoken with. I rolled back out of bed and answered the phone.

"Hey Jess? Could I ask you a favor? I'm babysitting my niece today and her infusion site pulled out and I can't figure out how to put in a new one."

"Sure, where you at?"

She gave me directions and I got over there as fast as I could. When I got there, Both Grandma's and a couple of aunts were gathered around the little girl, worried. I think the little girl is around 4 years old. Cute little girl. They showed me all the supplies and handed me the instruction book. They were telling about the night they'd had. Last night she had been so high the meter couldn't read her number and then she woke up this morning at 54. Sounds A LOT like my first few weeks on the pump. It took me a while to get used to it too. They showed me the site that had pulled out, asking if it were kinked, It was kinked right in the middle. So that explained why she had been so high the night before.

After about 20 minutes of fiddling with the site inserter I finally figured it out. The girl's pump is an Animas versus my Medtronic Paradigm. So it took me a bit to figure out I had to pull the tubing out before I could cock the inserter. But we finally got it done and got her arm cleaned off and that girl impressed me a lot. I know that it doesn't hurt to put a site in but she didn't even flinch when I told her that I was about to put it in. She was too engrossed in the juice she was sipping on. After about another 10 minutes I finally soldiered through the menu's and got her pump primed and running again. So after being badgered with thanks, I told them it was no problem and told them to call me if they ever needed help again or just wanted to talk.

I'm glad I went to that Primary activity on a lark, I'm glad I basically forced my cell number on her, (I'm a little awkward sometimes when exchanging information.) And I'm glad work was canceled so I could help out.

I feel good.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Evasion ID

Austin Cooper's website, Evasion ID, was brought to my attention yesterday and I have checked it out. I'm impressed. He is selling leather Type 1 Diabetic ID bracelets.
They look sturdy and Austin returned my email telling me that they are quite sturdy so I've bought myself a white thin bracelet. The price is quite unbeatable too. $19 for a thin bracelet and $24 for a thick. I'd recomend checking them out. I'm sure they'll appeal to guys more than gals but they look good.
I'll be sure to post as to how well it holds up this summer with my job.

Taking Care Of Eight.

No I'm not referring to the amount of kids the average LDS family has.
I'm referring to number eight on my Randomly Weird list. I just went and took the written part of my driver's test. I passed, missing two questions, giving me a 96%. So now all I need to do is pass Driver's Ed and I'm set to go. Woot!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

10 Randomly Weird

Alright, I've finally got time to sit down and do this.

Once you've been tagged, you write a post with 10 weird, random facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 new victims to be tagged, list their names, and why you tagged them. Don't forget to leave them a comment saying ('You're It!') and to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you (Jeff, in my case,) so, let me know when you are done so that I can go read your blog answers. Here are my ten:

1. I am a chronic chatter. I have over 70 contacts between Google Chat and Windows Live (MSN) and then there's Facebook chat. I guess that would be about 130 contacts there. If I'm not at work or I'm not running errands, I'm glued to my computer, chatting. I usually have around 8 chats going at the same time. What's really a challenge is when someone then calls me on the phone or comes into my room to talk to me. THAT is difficult. So if you want to chat with me, I'm almost always online.

2. Hmm, I'm a cataholic too. Seriously, my first word I've been told was 'Meow'. I love cats to a fault. As soon as I have a home I can have cats in, I'll have one. My whole life I've had a cat as long as I can remember. My time at college was sad without a cat. I wish they'd let us keep cats in the dorms.

3. What else?...I like to collect baseball caps, it's not that weird, it's just something I do. Not only do I collect them but I wear them nearly non-stop. I always get surprised comments on days that I'm not wearing a cap.

4. A goal of mine is to collect enough books to make a library in my home someday. I'm a bookaholic too. (If you haven't picked up on it, I get addicted to things very easily.) Just a couple of nights ago I read through a whole night's worth of sleep just to finish a book.

5. I've always wanted to be an astronaut, I was set to go into the military but then I was diagnosed a week after meeting with the recruiter. But anyway, since third grade, I had always wanted to be an astronomer and an astrophysicist. So I was going to join the military, get my schooling in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering first so I could be a mission specialist and then I'd go back and get my second degree in Astrophysics.

6. Odd fact: I don't have a real home address at the moment. When I'm asked for my address I usually give my grandparent's address at the moment but I'm only here for the summer. I can't use my apartment at the moment because that's in Logan. And my parent's address is in Idaho and even further away.

7. I have the weirdest hang up (as AA called it) in the world. It drives me nearly batty when two surfaces with texture rub or scratch against each other. Like feet across carpet or two paper towels rubbing against each other. Literally sends a shiver right down my back so bad I kinda spaz. Just thinking about it can do it. I was reading something on the plane up to Seattle and there were some things doing just that and I shook so bad that my seat mates stared at me for a full minute. I just pretended it didn't happen. (Yes, I am incredibly weird)

8. I'm 19 years old and have never taken driver's ed. I'm taking it this summer.

9. Sweet Guy has accused me of having a technology fetish because when I'm asleep in my bed you can always find my Mp3 player, my laptop, my cell phone and of course my insulin pump. :D I've had more than one morning where I wake up wrapped up in four different wires. Pump, laptop power cord, cell phone charger and headphones.

10. I have classified having an Mp3 player as a need not a want now. Anywhere you find me, you'll find that I either have my laptop playing music or my ears stuffed with my Mp3 player. I need music more than a Druggie needs their next fix. lol I'm just a bit addicted. So if you want to get my attention and I'm not answering, check my ears for ear buds. I'm not ignoring you, I just can't hear you.

Well if you read this and you have a blog, you're tagged. It's the honor system to let me know if you've read it and you're going to do it.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Ever been eaten by a chair? I have.

OH cripes I can't stop laughing. I just got eaten by a chair. :D
BTW, before I go on time to catch up again. I'm up in the Seattle area visiting my Grandma Specht for a week. Totally surprised her, she didn't know I was coming but she had no prob with a surprise guest. So I'll be here until Saturday. Fun fun.

So the funny, Grandma, my cousin, Awesome Aunt and I were watching Indiana Jones tonight and I was lounging in the La-Z-Boy chair during the whole movie. I had it leaned back and my feet up on When the movie was over I got up to pull the DVD out but I found I couldn't get out of the chair. My pump was stuck. I followed the line to the pump. It had slipped out of my pocket all the way down into the mechanism of the chair and my hands were too big to reach down in. I sat there for five minutes trying to reach it before I thought to disconnect and pry the cushions open while Awesome Aunt dug in there. It took us a couple of minutes but we got it out.

BTW, I'll try to get to that meme I was tagged for as soon as I can. Kinda busy this week.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Delta, A Job, And A New Family

I have a couple posts sitting unfinished but I'm just going to make a new one. Let me just briefly update you.

Finals got finished on last Thursday. I passed all my finals with flying colors and passed all my classes.

I moved to my grandparents place in Delta, Utah for the summer.

I've got a job moving hose for a weed and feed, and bug killer company. The pay is great. Probably the best I could find here. Delta's a tiny bit bigger than Malad, my hometown. It has a population of about 3,500. I'm glad to have gotten the job. I'm a little worried because it's very physical work. We work about 8-10 hours a day and the average temp here in Delta will be about 100 degrees as we get further into the summer. On my first day, I didn't have any trouble at all. Blood sugars were between 95 and 180. I'm not going to argue with that. Today we got blown out so we couldn't go spray. If the wind goes over 10 mph we can't spray. It's gusting at 15 mph right now. I've gotta say, I already love the people I'm working with. The girl I'm going to be working with most is pretty awesome. They had no problem with my having diabetes. They had questions but they're fine with it all. In fact, Tasha, the person I'm working with is hypoglycemic so she understands lows pretty well.

Since I'm living with a new 'family' now. As in, I'm not living with my the family that understands my diabetes and me best, they being my college roommates, my friends and that ever loving Sweet Guy. I've talked to both my grandparents about the symptoms of my lows. What I'm like when I'm low and how to help me. I reassured them that I've almost always been able to take care of my lows so there's nothing to really worry about. I've just asked them to poke me if I'm acting weird and ask me if I have tested lately and then to ask me to please test.

Grandpa has Type 2 diabetes so he kinda knows what to do but he's only had 2 or 3 lows since he was diagnosed. And his all time low was 72. Kinda not much when you compare it to my 28. So that's taken care of.

Let's see what else?

Sweet Guy and I are about 2 hours driving distance from each other for the summer. He lives in West Jordan, near Salt Lake City. We're keeping in touch through MSN IM and Skype. It made me laugh on Monday. I had called him and while I was talking to him, I had two cousins, two aunts and my grandpa come in a chat with me. Sweet Guy said he'd try to call me when I'm not so popular and busy. lol That is rare indeed. Today is the first day in a long time where I've had nothing to do other than keep my sick cousin company while her mom is at work. So I figured I'd get on here and actually update my blog.

Oh... I just remembered. I got a calling in church. Grandpa volunteered me to be a substitute Primary sunday school teacher. I accepted. I hope I do ok.

I can't find any decent pics of Delta to share. I updated my profile picture, that was taken in the park here in Delta by my aunt.

I've been dealing with Dawn Phenomena for the past few weeks. I didn't have time to tinker with it during finals so I'm going to see what I can do now to fix my basal rate in the morning so I don't wake up to 180 BS's in the mornings anymore. Other than my fasting blood sugar, all of my numbers have been between 85 and about 190 all week. Most of my numbers being in the low 100s. So I'm happy with that.

Well I think I'm gonna go snooze. Hope to hear from you if you haven't given up on my blog.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

A Klutzy True Aggie


Yesterday was A-Day. One of two days during the year that a USU student can become a True Aggie (official USU page on True Aggies) without kissing another True Aggie (link to an old article). Neither Sweet Guy nor I were True Aggies so last night, at midnight, we went up to the Block A with tons of other couples. We made our way through the huge line up to the Block A. He and I had practiced what we were going to do. He was going to dip me and we'd pose briefly for a picture. Not quite what happened.


I spent all day being very careful with my numbers in hopes that I wouldn't have any hitches for "the kiss". Well we had pizza for dinner and I thought I had done the Dual bolus right so that I wouldn't have a low. 5 minutes before we were going to leave to go to the A, I checked my blood sugar because I was starting to get sweaty and it said 54. Dagnabit! I had really been trying to avoid that. So I chugged some pop and then we ran over.


When it was our turn to kiss, my heart was pounding like nuts. Have I ever mentioned that I get stage fright real bad? Well, I do. Jess' nerves + Recovering low = Really funny. We climbed up, he dipped me and for some reason I couldn't figure out which way he was going. Therefore I ended up going the completely wrong way and I ended up between his legs and nearly slid off the A. Luckily Sweet Guy was holding on tight so I didn't go anywhere. It was just the most awkward kiss, ever. I turned bright red and started laughing from so royally going the wrong way. But we got a decent cheer before we jumped off the A, so I guess it didn't look that bad.


It may have been incredibly awkward but it'll probably be one of my favorite memories here at USU. It's classic Jess. Ever the klutz.


BTW, anyone who understands Dungeons and Dragons, Sweet Guy and our friends said that I rolled natural 1 on 'Perform Kiss', or in old DnD terms. I fumbled my action. So true.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Twitter weather.

This is my twitter from yesterday:

Blood Sugars:

9:01 am: 171

11:07 am: 95

12:10 pm: 83

2:11 pm: 200

3:56 pm: 84

7:25 pm: 94

12:26 am: 114

Yesterday I twittered as much as I could and tested when I could. It was a busy day. The 200 was from underestimating a snack/lunch. I was very happy with the numbers I had after pizza last night. Unfortunately I think the pizza may be affecting me today because my lowest number so far has been 139.

Anyway. Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous. Mid 70s all day with a light breeze. Blue skies. Picture the most beautiful sunny day and that's what yesterday was. Just amazing. I'm seriously getting Spring Fever.

Guess what it's doing now. It's snowing. Not little flakes either. Big huge flakes that are sticking to everything. I can't wait for snow to be done. I love snow just not so close to my birthday. Anyway... I've gotta run to class.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Twitter awareness

I'm going to be Twittering as often as I can to let you see into my daily life. I'll put them all into a post tomorrow.

Happy Type 1 Diabetes awareness day!

And happy happy birthday Mom!!!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Procrastination

Please don't ever do to yourself what I did. Yesterday I finally logged my blood sugars. It had been since February 8th that I had last recorded them. One thing I love about having an Accu-chek Aviva. It holds 500 results. Very useful when you are like me and just can't find the time (or just procrastinate like a pro) to log them every week.

But anyway, it took me like 2.5 hours to get them all put into Sugar Stats. Definitely don't want to do that again. Maybe I'll make it a habit of logging them every weekend and then posting my new weeks average. That'd guarantee at least one post a week. ;) haha.

Right now my 30 day average is 133 and my 7 day average is 120. I'm pretty happy with that. I'd really like to try to get my A1c even lower than my 6.7. I'm not complaining about that. In fact, I love it to pieces I just want to try a little harder. For those I love.

Um... I have a funny from today. In karate we were doing side kicks in a circle. Just going back and forth between right and left leg. Well I was really getting into it. Kicking with vigor, kinda jumping into the kick to give it extra force. Well on the very last kick I put my all into it. The next thing I knew, I was lying flat on my back. I had kicked so hard I had lost my footing. I was laughing so hard I could barely breath. I think it was probably one of those you-have-to-be-there moments.

Anyway, ttfn.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Stability? What's That?

So yeah, I say I'm doing great. Diabetes isn't bothering me that much. And then I get hit by two lows in one day. One's that I didn't feel until after I started treating them. And one's I only caught because someone else asked me to test.

I was at Sweet Guy's yesterday watching Bleach and my two hour alarm went off on my pump and I ignored because I felt fine. Didn't see the need to test because I was pretty confidant that I had gotten my correction right. I had woken up at 236 mg/dl or something like that and had taken what I needed to bring it down. Well Sweet Guy asked me to not ignore it this time. He pushed me a bit to test. I tested and I was at 48 mg/dl. I didn't even feel it. And since I've been running low on my sugar stash (thanks for the jelly beans today, parents) Sweet Guy grabbed some sugared blueberries off his dresser and just gave me the bag. Telling me to just eat them. I ate a good quarter cup for about 40 grams of carbs. Then I started feeling the affects. I started tremoring, felt really out of it. Sweet Guy just held me. I guess I didn't look that great because he kept saying "Don't pass out on me, Jess." I tested about 20 minutes later and got a nice pretty 50 mg/dl. Grumble. Ate more. Finally got back up to an actually nice number of 100 mg/dl. I'm not sure why I didn't feel this at all until I started dealing with it. And then it just hit me like "a brick of tons" and then "bricks of ton". Or at least that's what I told Sweet Guy. I could not get words out to save my life.

Sweet Guy asked me what would have happened if he hadn't asked me to test. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I think my liver would have kicked in some glucose. But as ragged as I've been running lately, I'm not sure if I had the store in my liver at that time. Would I have passed out? According to Sweet Guy, I looked like I was going to. I really don't know. I think I would have started feeling the low if I had waited a few more minutes. And then I would have dealt with it. This is getting a little frustrating. I really wish I had the money for a CGM. I know my 6.7 A1c is nice and pretty but it's not from even numbers, it's from lots of lows and lots of highs that counter each other to make that number.

I'm really irritated with not feeling my lows. My mom caught me in one later last night too. I said I was feeling quite off. It was more because of some issues I'm dealing with but she asked nevertheless and I think I was in the 50s. Once again didn't feel it at all. Never really did feel that one. I just dealt with it. Drank juice and got it up.

Sweet Guy has said he worries about me. Says he wants me to be more stable. I know I could test more. That would help but I don't think I can ever find the perfect stability that a pancreas provides. I'm frustrated with this. I hate the feeling of lows. I hate that I have to think about buying sugar that I can't just eat. I have to save it for 'just in case'.

Sorry, it's a rant. I'm just frustrated. I wish I could be stable so that my friends and family don't have to worry about me.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Weird food. Not bad taste.

Just thought I'd toss this on.
I just threw together Beef Top Ramen, Spinich and a buttload of ketchup. I drained out the liquid and just ate it. It's pretty good. I'd take a picture but I've yet to get a camera. You can imagine what it looks like but I'll throw out my colorful description. It looks like white worm things in grass clippings, all tinted orangeish. Not the most appealing looking but it tastes pretty decent. And it's really cheap. And half way healthy. Lot's of veggies since I used a whole package of spinich for just one package of Ramen.

Anyway, tell me if you try it.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Catch up. (Not ketchup)

Just popping this down in type. I’ve been crazy busy lately. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I updated. I’ve been busy but haven’t had a ton to write about. Diabetes hasn’t bothered me too much. Had very few lows, almost all of them have been due to Sweet Guy anyway and I’m sure people are getting sick of hearing about the man I have an almost unhealthy obsession with. J/k I just love him to pieces. There’s no obsession here…promise.

Anyway. Um…. School’s been pretty decent. I’m totally enjoying my classes. I’ve decided on what I want to get my Master’s in. I want to be a Vocation Rehabilitation Counselor. The program here at Utah State is ranked 15th in the nation. Although, if you ask a professor they’ll say we’re the best. From what I’ve learned, I’m inclined to agree. The lady in charge is Dr. Julie Smart. Amazing woman. She has like 7 accreditations after her name. I think that means she’s pretty smart and knows what she’s doing. ;)

Now to figure out my Undergraduate. Well, I think I want to go into Family and Consumer Sciences. That, Social Work or plain Psychology are the choices I’m looking into. So I’ll be working on my class schedule for next semester soon.

I’m working on getting a job and a place to live this summer. I’ve grabbed an application from Best Western. I’m also planning to do a lot of volunteering this summer for a place called Common Grounds. They work with people with disabilities making the outdoors accessible to anyone. As a volunteer I get to participate for free and I get to help amazing people. I went to an open house tonight and made fast friends with a man named Devon. He is so cool. He was disabled due to leaking veins in his legs so he’s been told he can’t work anymore. He is full of vim and vigor. He and I yacked for a good two and half hours. Just about everything. He’s told me that he’s going personally make sure I become an expert at fly-fishing. Anyway, before I left he gave me a hug. I haven’t felt quite that happy from just meeting in quite a long time. He made sure to get my promise that I would come back again. Great guy.

I’m so glad that I took SPED 1010. I took it on more of a whim than anything else. I needed more credits and I was interested in learning more about other disabilities. Probably one of the best whims I ever went with. Because of this class I’ve figured out where I want to go. Because of this class my eyes have been opened. I’m learning so much. I wish I could just jump straight into the Master’s program. I really don’t want to do my generals. Mer. I’ll live though. It’s just gonna take forever because I don’t dare take more than 12 credits at a time. I’ve learned over these last couple of semesters that I can’t take more than that. So I’ll probably be done in about 6 years. Sweet Guy will probably finish with his Ph.D around the same time as me. We’re not sure the timing yet. Hmm Sweet Guy popped in again. Dang him for always being on my mind. LOL

On Monday he asked me if he could interview me for one of his assignments. He needed to interview someone of a minority or someone with a disability. Seeing as his girlfriend had Diabetes he decided on that. I think that is so cool. Among the many questions he asked, Sweet Guy asked what drove me nuts the most about other people and my Diabetes. I explained that it drives me nuts when people look over my shoulder at my BG numbers. If I want to share, I’ll show you. He’s done that to me a lot. I explained how it makes me feel uncomfortable and even guilty if my number isn’t perfect when he looks. He said he had no idea and said that he’ll be patient and wait to see if I’m going to share. Through his interview, he learned a lot. I really appreciated him taking the time and listening to everything I had to say.

Hmm. What else can I bore you with talk about mindlessly? I think I’m going crazy but I’m loving every minute of it. Hopefully my next check in won’t be so far away. But I imagine it’s going to be a bit. Maybe I should pull myself off the Lazy Blogger list. I just can’t come up with the time or the material every three days. I’m too busy doing stuff that is too boring to blog about. So if you actually read this whole thing, good for you, you just built a great amount of patience. Cya.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Low Power.

There are very few things I hate more than being out of control of myself. I'm very independent and hate depending on others for help. I hate being a burden to others. I want to help people, make their lives easier, not cause stress and worry.

Last night I had a persistent low while I was over at Sweet Guy's apartment. He was working on a report and I was sitting right next to him on the couch watching V for Vendetta with our other friends who were over. Towards the end of the movie I felt a low coming on. I had eaten some ice cream so I figured that I had miscalculated a little in my timing and that it would be coming back up. I was only at 74 so I just decided to wait it out. I had looked through my backpack real quick and I didn't have any sugar on me anyway. I had used my pop the day before and forgotten to put a new one in.

Slowly I noticed that I was going lower, it was becoming harder to understand what the guys were saying around me. They sounded like just a bunch of mushy sounds all around me. I had no problem focusing on the movie, though. This confuses me a little but anyway. I could feel a little bit of that 'low' floating feeling starting. I could also feel a few beads of sweat on my forehead and I was slightly trembling. I kept telling myself to grab my tester but I couldn't seem to do it. It took me 10 minutes to focus enough to grab it. I couldn't get my body to respond to what I was telling it to do. I finally was able to grab my meter which was sitting right next to me and clumsily test. I was having so much trouble sipping the blood into the test strip that my fingertip was bloody smear by the time I was done. But I was keeping it down below everyone's line of sight. I didn't want them to see I was struggling. Stupid, I know, I do weird things when I'm low.

I was at 57. I told myself that I needed to ask Sweet Guy for some sugar but I just couldn't get the words to form. I couldn't say that I needed help so I just sat there right in the middle of everyone sitting right next to Sweet Guy feeling so powerless. Things were feeling a bit more cloudy all I could understand around me was the stupid movie. (I loved the movie but this was frustrating.)

After another ten minutes I finally argued with my arm enough to get it to poke Sweet Guy. All I could get out was, "Do you have any sugar?" He immediately got up and found me some some sugary stuff but that didn't raise my blood sugar. So he sat me down, dug into his food cupboard and sat his whole canister of sugar in my lap and handed me a spoon with the command, "Eat."

I hate lows so much. I feel so powerless sometimes. Most of the time I have no problem saying I need some sugar or just grabbing some myself but sometimes these lows make my thinking so unclear and unreasonable.

Another reason I hate lows is that sometimes they make me emotional. Once I finally got Sweet Guy's attention, I just started tearing up. I couldn't get it to stop. It's frustrating and embarrassing. We were with two other friends. They are pretty good friends but they're not exactly my close friends. I have no problem teaching about diabetes but I'd rather not have those outside my close friends and family see my melt downs.

Lessons learned: It's okay to ask for help. Remember to refill your sugar silly.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Nothing and R & R

Can I just say how much I love Spring Break? I have been doing whole ton of nothing. I'm going to meander a bit with this post.

I have a confession to make and if anyone chews me out, well, I'll likely laugh. I know it was a bad decision. When I went home to Malad, I kinda forgot something rather important. I nearly forgot my insulin but I remembered that at the last minute.

I forgot my BG meter. I didn't tell anybody because I didn't realize this until the morning after getting home. I didn't want to worry my parents and I didn't want to have to ask for a ride back to Logan because gas is getting ridiculous. So I went blind for four days. I would not recommend it at all. Um.. So yeah, stupid on my part.

Forgetfulness has always been the biggest bane to my self care. I always forget stuff. That is why I love the alarm feature on my pump. VERY useful.

Let's see, what else has been going on. Well on Tuesday I came back to Logan. When I went into my empty apartment my roommates alarm clock was going off. I assume it's been going off since Saturday. After dropping everything off I went over to Sweet Guys apartment and knocked on the door but there was no answer. I went and sat in his building's lobby and sent him email saying I'd be there. I ended up taking a nap and I woke up to Sweet Guy saying my name and my face smooshed on my laptop's keyboard. hehe That's always a beautiful look when your boyfriend is waking you up. Keyboard imprint. :D

But anyway I've just been relaxing with Sweet Guy and the other guys who stayed here for Spring Break. Playing video games, catching up on movies, drinking pop (diet for me) and enjoying Sweet Guy's cooking. Until next time, I disappear into the bliss of doing nothing.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

OW!!!! Dang it!

I just put in a new site and it is killing me. I must have hit something but Dang...

Okay, I didn't finish this last night so here I go to finish it.

My site is still killing me!!! Ahhh! I'm gonna scream. Every time I move my leg or my pants brush against it, it feels like I have a knife tip in my leg. I am seriously thinking about ripping it out the problem is that I only brought one extra site with me. (I'm at home for Spring Break) Obviously, if I replace it and something goes wrong with that one then I'm screwed. :-/
Note to self: Pack more than one extra next time you are staying away from your apartment. Idiot.
Hopefully it stops hurting soon. I slept through it all night but I generally sleep through anything. I have been known to sleep through the fire alarm in my bedroom. And I was just that tired last night.
I had a doctors appointment with my awesome doc yesterday. He's great at helping me figure out what is going on and he lets me bounce ideas off of him. He's not an endo by any stretch of the imagination but he's a great. The nearest Endo is in Ogden last time I checked and I just can't get down there so I stick with my GP.

But anyway, Amazing news, can anybody guess what my last A1c was? It was like an 8.3 and the month before that it was a 10.1. The doctor walked in yesterday and asked how I did it.

"Did what?"
"What have you done differently to drop your A1c so drastically?"
"Um...got a pump that gave me an artificial memory and programmable reminder?"

See, my biggest problem with keeping tight control has always been remembering to take my insulin. Well the pump obviously takes of the background insulin automatically. Then I've got alarms set up to remind me to bolus when I eat. The BG reminders are heaven sent as well. This is the key to my control. And my new A1c is: 6.7!!! Ah! I'm so happy about this. I was actually dancing around and singing a little after my appointment yesterday. I had been hoping for something in the 7s. Actually I had decided I would be very happy with a 7.6. That was my birth weight so I decided that was the number I was going to hope for. I'm happy with what I got.

So in this appointment we also talked about how tired and sick I've been for the last couple of weeks. My body has been yelling at me but I haven't been able to understand it. I've been whole body sore and falling asleep at random times a lot this last week. My doctor and I talked about all that I've been doing and he says I need to cut back in how much I do. I've been running myself into the ground. So this next week I'm going to get some R&R. Yay Spring Break!

So I'm going to return to non blogging. I'm trying to find stuff with substance to blog about, I'll keep looking.

-Edit-

FYI, I figured out why this hurt so bad when I pulled the site a day later. Upon closer examination, I realized that the cannula was bent. It had been sitting in my thigh kinked. I've concluded that that part of my thigh was just too muscular.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Start with the Temple.



I've been finding it hard to find anything to blog on. If anyone wants to throw a topic at me or ask a question like they did for Jillian, go for it. I'd appreciate it. But yeah, Diabetes has been only a slight beep on the radar.


I got 100% on three of my midterm tests but kinda did poorly on my Public Health midterm. Oh well, life goes on and I'll do better on the next one.


The concert was great. We sounded amazing even though we were iffy at the practice the night before. I love being in all these musical groups. It's so energizing to finally get the musical pieces down and perform together.


Anyway, Saturday was amazing


So Sweet Guy has finally met the hyper Jess. He called me a giggling school girl. LOL That just got me laughing even harder. Saturday was great. Sweet Guy and I both decided that we really needed to fill back up spiritually because we were both drained. So we decided to go to the Logan temple. We spent a good half hour on the temple grounds. The weather was gorgeous, I think it was in the high 40s. In just that half hour, we went from being so worn to being energized and laughing.


We went to go catch the bus and we missed it by like two minutes so we were stuck there for another 30 minutes. It was starting to get a little brisk at this point. We finally got on the bus and half way around the route when we saw some people practicing with swords and shields and wearing armor. We jumped off the bus and joined in. Sweet Guy played with that group until one of the guys noticed me shivering a bit. I was trying to hide it because he was having such a great time but we decided that we probably needed to try to catch the bus. Well we stood at the bus stop for ever and then decided to go ask if we could bum a ride. Just then the bus went by. They said they'd be done in a couple of hours or so but it was really cold and the snow was starting to get bad. We decided to wait and then we saw the bus go by again just as we thought to grab it again. Then we saw it go a different direction and we missed it again. I can't really explain but we just couldn't catch the bus so we were icy cold and drenched before we finally caught a ride back.

We then dried off a bit and laughed out how frozen we were. We could barely move we were that wet and cold. We then ran over to the basement classroom in Mountainview where all the guys were and we played Magic the Gathering for a few hours. Sweet Guy demolished me when I was playing an emperor on one of the teams. Then he had to run to work but me and the guys kept playing for a while. Then we started playing Mow. Man was that a fun game. I enjoyed it incredibly. I can't tell you how it works because the first rule of Mow is to never discuss the rules. It made it a bit difficult at first but you pick up on it and some of the things that you have to do are hilarious. Sweet Guy got back at 9ish and we kept playing Mow until nearly 1am. Then he and I walked home and it was great. We just walked in the snow and stood outside my building for a while talking. I looked up and the moonlight was catching the snow so beautifully. It was a gorgeous night and we were getting snowed on again but we didn't care. We just stood in it and loved every minute of it. Anyway, Lovely day. Starting the day with the Lord made it amazing.

There's your sap and post for the day. I'm sorry I have nothing else, life is busy but nothing to really talk about.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Stamp Act.

I have a post in the que it just needs to be edited so Ha, you can't stamp me yet cuz this is a post. And no, this doesn't break the first rule because I'm dancing around the topic without actually saying the actual topic. Anyway I need to go to sleep. Look for post sometime tomorrow.

Night y'all.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I Burn Out.

I burn out. It's what I do. When things get rough and stressful I tend to clam up and pretend there isn't a problem. It isn't healthy, I know. I'm working on it. But yeah, that'd be one reason why I haven't been online. I've been on my gmail religiously but I haven't been reading blogs nor have I been blogging. It's just how I deal. I did it last year when trouble started piling up. This led to very poor diabetes control and poor school work and half-hearted work. I don't know why I do it. When I'm doing well I can handle many stressors and I can get stuff done but you push me too hard and everything just gets shut off and I stop. I keep myself distracted and busy while accomplishing nothing. That doesn't work, now does it?


I've burnt out again but not nearly as bad as last time. A major difference between this time and last are my resources. I have been talking to others about what is going on rather than keeping it to myself. I have turned to my Heavenly Father for help. Between Him and my friends, I have found that I can lean on them briefly while I get my feet back underneath me.

So here I go, midterms out the yin-yang and a band concert tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Don't Change It, Meme

I filled this out last Friday. I can't think of anything to blog about. It's been a crummy week and I don't feel like being a downer. So here's this. It's an email meme soo.... Yeah, it's a little iffy in places but it's still information.

Answer the questions and write the first thing that comes to your mind, don't change it.

1. You & your ex:

Are awkward at times but he still makes me laugh.

2. I am listening to:

Pandora, Specifically Prayer by Disturbed

3. Maybe I should:

sleep, catch up on email, actually write a blog post since I haven't since Sunday.

4. I love?

Music, Sweet Guy, My friends, My parents, brothers. Family in general, rain, Seattle, everyone and anyone

5. I don't understand:

Teenage boys

6. I have lost my respect for:

Health companies. Though I don't think they ever had my respect to begin with.

7. I last ate:

Chicken Cup Noodles

8. The meaning of my display name is:

It's my name, Jessica N. Pedersen. jnpedersen2. The 2 showed up because somebody already had jnpedersen when I was setting up my first email address. My other often used username is LuckyDruggie. This is the name of my blog and two of my nicknames. Lucky is from my roommates because they think I'm lucky to still be alive. Druggie is from high school because of the syringes I always carried and usually poked myself with. (sometimes I used them for other things lol)

-IS YOUR/ARE YOU-

1.Is your hair red like a punk white boy?

No, it's all natural, I'll never dye it.

2.Is your cell phone right by you?

It's in my pocket.

3. Do you miss someone?

Many

4. Do you wear protection?

Uhh..... Don't need it yet. LOL
I wear a bike helmet.

5. Are you tired of gay people?

Not at all, my best friend is one of the best men I know.

6. Are you wearing a mullet?

No but I had a nasty one growing in December. I chopped it off so I wouldn't keep being called sir.

7. Are you mad?

Of course. I'm as mad as a hatter. I'm a Looney Diabetic. But seriously? I don't get mad easily.

8. Are you gay?

I'm goofy happy. But no, I'm pretty sure I like men.

HAVE YOU

1. Recently done anything you regret?

Yes, dagnabit. I need a little more self control.

2. Ever lied?

Yes.

I ATE NUMBER 3.

okay, I hope it tasted good.

4.Have you ever crapped on someone?

No, I can't say I have. Well, I guess I did when I was a baby but that's been a while.

5. Ever tripped out while you were on acid?:

No, I don't do drugs, but I've had some trips on my highs and lows. Those are always fun.

TODAY HAVE YOU:

1. Have you cursed ?

No but yesterday was full of curses. Don't tell Sweet Guy, he'd be dissappointed. Let's just say I had a really bad day. I also figured why I started swearing. It wasn't college influence, it was reading ridiculous numbers from my glucose meter, that and shots. Man I hate those.

2. Have you gotten mad at someone?:

Not recently.

RANDOM

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now?

Take a wild guess. Yes of course there is, he's always on my mind.

Q: Do you have any siblings?

Oh yeah, gotta love being the oldest. Especially with little brothers.

Q: Do you want children?

Yes, I really want kids but I don't know if I'm brave enough. I'm scared I might not be able to keep tight enough BG control.

Q: Do you smile often?

Yes, I wear a smile quite often and I try my darndest to make sure those around me are at least smiling if not laughing.

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?

Only my dress shoes. Tennis shoes just get toed off.

Q: Do you like your handwriting?

I HATE it. I can't even read it half the time.

Q: What were you doing at 7PM yesterday?

I was cursing. Cursing the snow, my meter, my class, my insulin pump, the whole stupid day. It was a bad day.

Q: I can't wait till:

I start making money again and find a job that offers good insurance.

Q: What would you rather be called?

Jess, Lucky, Druggie, Loony, Love (by Sweet Guy that is.)

Q: When did you cry last?

Yesterday. Things are a little overwhelming and it sucked as I've repeatedly said.

Q: Are you a friendly person?

Overly. I think I scare people at times.

Q. Do you have any pets?

Yes but they're at home :( As soon as I can, I'm getting myself a kitty to keep me company. Of course I'd need to live somewhere I can have said cat.

Okay, your turn if you read it and you have a blog, do the ones you want and tell me that you did so I can go read your blog.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Don't Forget The Paper.

Wow, it's been a week since my last published post. I have a couple that I haven't finished that are just sitting there. Well I've been busy. I'm going to do a few posts to catch up. So don't stop at this one. They're backdated so that they're in the order I want them.

I did my first thigh pump site. I had to sit there for like 20 minutes trying to convince myself to do it. For some odd reason, I thought it would hurt. Once I finally worked up the courage to do it, I put the infusion set (This link shows pictures) into the Quick-serter, put it where I wanted it and pressed the buttons to insert it. It stung a little but that wasn't the problem. I looked down at it, the cannula was in my leg but the infusion set wasn't sticking to my skin. I looked a little closer. I had forgotten to pull off the pieces of paper that cover the sticky glue on the patch. :Smacks forehead: I couldn't help but laughing at forgetting such an in important step. The cannula was in but there was no way in heck that I was going to be able to pull off the paper without pulling it out. So I pulled it out. (I had to put a dried out alcohol swab on the hole from the cannula because it was bleeding like no tomorrow.) I pulled the paper off and then put it back in the Quick-serter and chose a different spot. This one stuck.

I've been very happy with this site. It's very convenient because I can put my pump in jeans pocket or down in my dress sock. I like putting it down in my sock because then I don't have the tubing showing. The tubing doesn't get snagged on door handles or that ever grabby stove handle. It's also more accessible in my sock than if I put it in my bra. That's a nice alternative when I'm wearing a dress. The one thing that I don't like is the pump eventually slides down further into my sock or pops out the top due to the amount of walking I do. So while I'm walking I have to stop for a second and make sure it's secure again. Though, I imagine, if I had newer dress socks, they'd be a bit tighter, therefore, less slippage.

I really like this site and will be using my thigh much more often.