Stability? What's That?

So yeah, I say I'm doing great. Diabetes isn't bothering me that much. And then I get hit by two lows in one day. One's that I didn't feel until after I started treating them. And one's I only caught because someone else asked me to test.

I was at Sweet Guy's yesterday watching Bleach and my two hour alarm went off on my pump and I ignored because I felt fine. Didn't see the need to test because I was pretty confidant that I had gotten my correction right. I had woken up at 236 mg/dl or something like that and had taken what I needed to bring it down. Well Sweet Guy asked me to not ignore it this time. He pushed me a bit to test. I tested and I was at 48 mg/dl. I didn't even feel it. And since I've been running low on my sugar stash (thanks for the jelly beans today, parents) Sweet Guy grabbed some sugared blueberries off his dresser and just gave me the bag. Telling me to just eat them. I ate a good quarter cup for about 40 grams of carbs. Then I started feeling the affects. I started tremoring, felt really out of it. Sweet Guy just held me. I guess I didn't look that great because he kept saying "Don't pass out on me, Jess." I tested about 20 minutes later and got a nice pretty 50 mg/dl. Grumble. Ate more. Finally got back up to an actually nice number of 100 mg/dl. I'm not sure why I didn't feel this at all until I started dealing with it. And then it just hit me like "a brick of tons" and then "bricks of ton". Or at least that's what I told Sweet Guy. I could not get words out to save my life.

Sweet Guy asked me what would have happened if he hadn't asked me to test. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I think my liver would have kicked in some glucose. But as ragged as I've been running lately, I'm not sure if I had the store in my liver at that time. Would I have passed out? According to Sweet Guy, I looked like I was going to. I really don't know. I think I would have started feeling the low if I had waited a few more minutes. And then I would have dealt with it. This is getting a little frustrating. I really wish I had the money for a CGM. I know my 6.7 A1c is nice and pretty but it's not from even numbers, it's from lots of lows and lots of highs that counter each other to make that number.

I'm really irritated with not feeling my lows. My mom caught me in one later last night too. I said I was feeling quite off. It was more because of some issues I'm dealing with but she asked nevertheless and I think I was in the 50s. Once again didn't feel it at all. Never really did feel that one. I just dealt with it. Drank juice and got it up.

Sweet Guy has said he worries about me. Says he wants me to be more stable. I know I could test more. That would help but I don't think I can ever find the perfect stability that a pancreas provides. I'm frustrated with this. I hate the feeling of lows. I hate that I have to think about buying sugar that I can't just eat. I have to save it for 'just in case'.

Sorry, it's a rant. I'm just frustrated. I wish I could be stable so that my friends and family don't have to worry about me.