Monday, October 20, 2008

Bawling Lows

So last night I had one of those wonderful very public lows while I was working.

I had been a little funky so I tested, came up 60. So I went over and bought myself a cookie to take care of that.

My manager came over and asked me to go to the sales floor to help them out since they were so short. I was kinda having trouble talking but I said, "I-I just had a... low blood sugar... I'll be good in a sec, do you mind if I take my meter and juice with me?" I asked as I pulled them from the door greeter cupboard.

She replied with a bit of irritation, "Actually, I do mind, you can just leave those there and go, thank-you."

So I put them back in mumbling kind of incoherently about my low blood sugar. I was kind of struggling to string two thoughts together. After a bit of my mumbling she finally understood a little of what I was trying to say. She asked me if I was having "sugar troubles".  That coupled with the fact that I was low and that she had grumpily told me I couldn't have my meter and juice with me set me to tears.

Ugh, I hate going low. Usually a low robs me of my ability to talk, walk and much of anything else at least for a few minutes, but this one was worse than usual for some reason. (Might have had something to do with forgetting to eat all day.)

But here I was sobbing in front of my manager, who instantly started apologizing for upsetting me as I attempted to explain what was wrong. I was trying to explain that I had eaten the cookie and I should be fine in just a few minutes, but I was still low and how embarrassed I was that I was just bent over one of the registers bawling for no apparent reason. Eventually she figured out my mumbling well enough to ask if I was diabetic. I nodded and she instantly understood. But that did nothing to save my poor dignity. It took me a good five minutes before I could finally control my tears. 

She told me that if I needed, I could definitely come back and grab my meter or my juice if I needed, but she'd rather I leave them at the cupboard by the door while I went to the sales floor.

After my shift, I went back to her to apologize and explain why I had acted the way I had. I wanted to explain it while my BS was within a normal range. She said she understood, but nobody had told her that I was diabetic. I could have sworn I made it a point to tell all of the managers that I was diabetic. But I guess I had missed her, or she hadn't remembered. So she and another manager asked me that I come in early today to fill out some medical papers documenting my diabetes. They say for reasons of an emergency, such as if I ever pass out on them, they have all my information to give to the ambulance.

So I'll probably be heading down to do that soon. But man, I haven't been that irritated and embarrassed in a while. Last night I just curled up with Sweet Guy for a little while, telling him how much I wish I could just get rid of diabetes. I hate lows, with a fiery, burny passion. And some days, I  really hate being diabetic.

Tagged!!

Here are the rules: -
I have to answer the following questions with one word answers, then I must pass it on to seven others. The questions are as follows: -
1. Where is your cell phone?.................... Dead-
2. Where is your significant other?........Snoring-
3. Your hair color?.....................................Golden-
4. Your mother?.........................................Worried-
5. Your father?...........................................Crazy-
6. Your favorite thing?..............................Music-
7. Your dream last night?..................................Sweet Guy-
8. Your dream/goal?..................................Change-
9. The room you're in?........................................Apartment-
10. Your hobby?........................................Blogging-
11. Your fear?...........................Hate-
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?.........Family-
13. Where were you last night?...........................Work-
14. What you're not?.........................................Graceful-
15. One of your wish-list items?.........................Health-
16. Where you grew up?.....................................Malad -
17. The last thing you did?......................................Read-
18. What are you wearing?..................................Pants-
19. Your TV?............................................................Imaginary-
20. Your pet?...........................................................Gone-
21. Your computer?..........................................Dying-
22. Your mood?.................................................Twitterpated-
23. Missing someone?............................................Always-
24. Your car?...................................................Non-existant-
25. Something you're not wearing?................Make-up-
26. Favorite store?.................................................Barnes and Noble-
27. Your summer?................................................Engaging!-
28. Love someone?..............................................Extremely-
29. Your favorite color?......................................Blue-
30. When is the last time you laughed?...............Earlier-
31. Last time you cried?.............................Last night-
I award the following people with the "I love your blog award" and in so doing tag them to complete the above questions. -
Whomever reads this, but you have to leave me a comment letting me know.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Toll

I was reading Kerri's post today. And it got me thinking about more than just my situation. Yes, I am the person that lives with a diabetic body everyday. But who else worries about said diabetic body? What toll does it take on those who love me?

I know my parent's worry about me. I know they've done research and have seen what diabetes can do to a body.

I know the rest of my family has done similar research or has asked me for the details and what all diabetes entails. 

My friends, everyday, see my sucesses and trials. They see me wince at a bad number or become elated at wonderful numbers.

They've come to the point where they all know what effect each number has on my future.

Everyone around me is affected. Even my new family.

What Kerri's post got me thinking about most was my soon to be husband. He is a man that astounds me everyday. He is doing 14 credit hours of 3000 level classes and on top of that he has recently worked to become promoted to a shift manager at Carl's Jr. He works full time doing the closing shift there. Why does he do that? Partially to work through school debt free but probably one of the things that drives him to do it most is that I can have insurance. So my diabetes is taken care of.

It just astounds me... that's all I can say. 

Yet I know that at some point, my disease takes it's toll on everyone around me. Most especially him. I can see him worry. And I can see the stress he is under.

I know he thinks about our future family. I know I am no longer the only one worrying about my ability to safely be pregnant. It seems there is a bit of a history of trouble with pregnancy in my family. Put diabetes on top of that..... And now, this post has turned into a rant. :/ Hmm... 

The point of this post is the toll that my disease takes on not only me, but the ones I love. There are days I really wish I could remove diabetes from my life, just to spare other's worry about me. To spare my dear fiance a little stress.

I do my best to do what I can by taking the best care of myself I know how. I keep myself healthy as best I can.