Ever been eaten by a chair? I have.

OH cripes I can't stop laughing. I just got eaten by a chair. :D
BTW, before I go on time to catch up again. I'm up in the Seattle area visiting my Grandma Specht for a week. Totally surprised her, she didn't know I was coming but she had no prob with a surprise guest. So I'll be here until Saturday. Fun fun.

So the funny, Grandma, my cousin, Awesome Aunt and I were watching Indiana Jones tonight and I was lounging in the La-Z-Boy chair during the whole movie. I had it leaned back and my feet up on When the movie was over I got up to pull the DVD out but I found I couldn't get out of the chair. My pump was stuck. I followed the line to the pump. It had slipped out of my pocket all the way down into the mechanism of the chair and my hands were too big to reach down in. So I disconnected and helped pry the cushions open while Awesome Aunt dug in there. It took us a couple of minutes but we got it out.

BTW, I'll try to get to that meme I was tagged for as soon as I can. Kinda busy this week.

Delta, A Job, And A New Family

I have a couple posts sitting unfinished but I'm just going to make a new one. Let me just briefly update you.

Finals got finished on last Thursday. I passed all my finals with flying colors and passed all my classes.

I moved to my grandparents place in Delta, Utah for the summer.

I've got a job moving hose for a weed and feed, and bug killer company. The pay is great. Probably the best I could find here. Delta's a tiny bit bigger than Malad, my hometown. It has a population of about 3,500. I'm glad to have gotten the job. I'm a little worried because it's very physical work. We work about 8-10 hours a day and the average temp here in Delta will be about 100 degrees as we get further into the summer. On my first day, I didn't have any trouble at all. Blood sugars were between 95 and 180. I'm not going to argue with that. Today we got blown out so we couldn't go spray. If the wind goes over 10 mph we can't spray. It's gusting at 15 mph right now. I've gotta say, I already love the people I'm working with. The girl I'm going to be working with most is pretty awesome. They had no problem with my having diabetes. They had questions but they're fine with it all. In fact, Tasha, the person I'm working with is hypoglycemic so she understands lows pretty well.

Since I'm living with a new 'family' now. As in, I'm not living with my the family that understands my diabetes and me best, they being my college roommates, my friends and that ever loving Sweet Guy. I've talked to both my grandparents about the symptoms of my lows. What I'm like when I'm low and how to help me. I reassured them that I've almost always been able to take care of my lows so there's nothing to really worry about. I've just asked them to poke me if I'm acting weird and ask me if I have tested lately and then to ask me to please test.

Grandpa has Type 2 diabetes so he kinda knows what to do but he's only had 2 or 3 lows since he was diagnosed. And his all time low was 72. Kinda not much when you compare it to my 28. So that's taken care of.

Let's see what else?

Sweet Guy and I are about 2 hours driving distance from each other for the summer. He lives in West Jordan, near Salt Lake City. We're keeping in touch through MSN IM and Skype. It made me laugh on Monday. I had called him and while I was talking to him, I had two cousins, two aunts and my grandpa come in a chat with me. Sweet Guy said he'd try to call me when I'm not so popular and busy. lol That is rare indeed. Today is the first day in a long time where I've had nothing to do other than keep my sick cousin company while her mom is at work. So I figured I'd get on here and actually update my blog.

Oh... I just remembered. I got a calling in church. Grandpa volunteered me to be a substitute Primary sunday school teacher. I accepted. I hope I do ok.

I can't find any decent pics of Delta to share. I updated my profile picture, that was taken in the park here in Delta by my aunt.

I've been dealing with Dawn Phenomena for the past few weeks. I didn't have time to tinker with it during finals so I'm going to see what I can do now to fix my basal rate in the morning so I don't wake up to 180 BS's in the mornings anymore. Other than my fasting blood sugar, all of my numbers have been between 85 and about 190 all week. Most of my numbers being in the low 100s. So I'm happy with that.

Well I think I'm gonna go snooze. Hope to hear from you if you haven't given up on my blog.

A Klutzy True Aggie

Yesterday was A-Day. One of two days during the year that a USU student can become a True Aggie (official USU page on True Aggies) without kissing another True Aggie (link to an old article). Neither Sweet Guy nor I were True Aggies so last night, at midnight, we went up to the Block A with tons of other couples. We made our way through the huge line up to the Block A. He and I had practiced what we were going to do. He was going to dip me and we'd pose briefly for a picture. Not quite what happened.

I spent all day being very careful with my numbers in hopes that I wouldn't have any hitches for "the kiss". Well we had pizza for dinner and I thought I had done the Dual bolus right so that I wouldn't have a low. 5 minutes before we were going to leave to go to the A, I checked my blood sugar because I was starting to get sweaty and it said 54. Dagnabit! I had really been trying to avoid that. So I chugged some pop and then we ran over.

When it was our turn to kiss, my heart was pounding like nuts. Have I ever mentioned that I get stage fright real bad? Well, I do. Jess' nerves + Recovering low = Really funny. We climbed up, he dipped me and for some reason I couldn't figure out which way he was going. Therefore I ended up going the completely wrong way and I ended up between his legs and nearly slid off the A. Luckily Sweet Guy was holding on tight so I didn't go anywhere. It was just the most awkward kiss, ever. I turned bright red and started laughing from so royally going the wrong way. But we got a decent cheer before we jumped off the A, so I guess it didn't look that bad.

It may have been incredibly awkward but it'll probably be one of my favorite memories here at USU. It's classic Jess. Ever the klutz.

BTW, anyone who understands Dungeons and Dragons, Sweet Guy and our friends said that I rolled natural 1 on 'Perform Kiss', or in old DnD terms. I fumbled my action. So true.

Twitter weather.

This is my twitter from yesterday:

• Woke up to a not so nice 171 and lovely cotton mouth. Time for class. 09:03 AM April 14, 2008
• Class, cotton mouth is receding. Yay. 09:33 AM April 14, 2008
• Just tested. Sunny 95. :) Class was pretty interesting. Next class at 12:30. 11:13 AM April 14, 2008
• Jeans are rubbing my site something awful. Grumble. Off to CIL tests. 11:26 AM April 14, 2008
• Still holding steady. Feeling a bit hungry, though. Probably ought to do something about that. 12:04 PM April 14, 2008
• Thought I had nailed my lunch. Nope, missed it and ended up with a 200. Now at a nice 84. about 21 hours ago
• That 84 is going to drop seeing as I have .5 units of active insulin. Gonna grab an actual lunch. Oatmeal!! about 20 hours ago
• Watching the brothers. Let's see how high my BS climbs from stress. And the pizza parents provided. about 17 hours ago
• Sitting at 92 now. Almost 100. Dang. about 17 hours ago
• Nice 114 to end the night. Cyall in the later am. about 11 hours ago

Blood Sugars:

9:01 am: 171

11:07 am: 95

12:10 pm: 83

2:11 pm: 200

3:56 pm: 84

7:25 pm: 94

12:26 am: 114

Yesterday I twittered as much as I could and tested when I could. It was a busy day. The 200 was from underestimating a snack/lunch. I was very happy with the numbers I had after pizza last night. Unfortunately I think the pizza may be affecting me today because my lowest number so far has been 139.

Anyway. Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous. Mid 70s all day with a light breeze. Blue skies. Picture the most beautiful sunny day and that's what yesterday was. Just amazing. I'm seriously getting Spring Fever.

Guess what it's doing now. It's snowing. Not little flakes either. Big huge flakes that are sticking to everything. I can't wait for snow to be done. I love snow just not so close to my birthday. Anyway... I've gotta run to class.

Twitter awareness

I'm going to be Twittering as often as I can to let you see into my daily life. I'll put them all into a post tomorrow.

Happy Type 1 Diabetes awareness day!

And happy happy birthday Mom!!!!

Procrastination

Please don't ever do to yourself what I did. Yesterday I finally logged my blood sugars. It had been since February 8th that I had last recorded them. One thing I love about having an Accu-chek Aviva. It holds 500 results. Very useful when you are like me and just can't find the time (or just procrastinate like a pro) to log them every week.

But anyway, it took me like 2.5 hours to get them all put into Sugar Stats. Definitely don't want to do that again. Maybe I'll make it a habit of logging them every weekend and then posting my new weeks average. That'd guarantee at least one post a week. ;) haha.

Right now my 30 day average is 133 and my 7 day average is 120. I'm pretty happy with that. I'd really like to try to get my A1c even lower than my 6.7. I'm not complaining about that. In fact, I love it to pieces I just want to try a little harder. For those I love.

Um... I have a funny from today. In karate we were doing side kicks in a circle. Just going back and forth between right and left leg. Well I was really getting into it. Kicking with vigor, kinda jumping into the kick to give it extra force. Well on the very last kick I put my all into it. The next thing I knew, I was lying flat on my back. I had kicked so hard I had lost my footing. I was laughing so hard I could barely breath. I think it was probably one of those you-have-to-be-there moments.

Anyway, ttfn.

Stability? What's That?

So yeah, I say I'm doing great. Diabetes isn't bothering me that much. And then I get hit by two lows in one day. One's that I didn't feel until after I started treating them. And one's I only caught because someone else asked me to test.

I was at Sweet Guy's yesterday watching Bleach and my two hour alarm went off on my pump and I ignored because I felt fine. Didn't see the need to test because I was pretty confidant that I had gotten my correction right. I had woken up at 236 mg/dl or something like that and had taken what I needed to bring it down. Well Sweet Guy asked me to not ignore it this time. He pushed me a bit to test. I tested and I was at 48 mg/dl. I didn't even feel it. And since I've been running low on my sugar stash (thanks for the jelly beans today, parents) Sweet Guy grabbed some sugared blueberries off his dresser and just gave me the bag. Telling me to just eat them. I ate a good quarter cup for about 40 grams of carbs. Then I started feeling the affects. I started tremoring, felt really out of it. Sweet Guy just held me. I guess I didn't look that great because he kept saying "Don't pass out on me, Jess." I tested about 20 minutes later and got a nice pretty 50 mg/dl. Grumble. Ate more. Finally got back up to an actually nice number of 100 mg/dl. I'm not sure why I didn't feel this at all until I started dealing with it. And then it just hit me like "a brick of tons" and then "bricks of ton". Or at least that's what I told Sweet Guy. I could not get words out to save my life.

Sweet Guy asked me what would have happened if he hadn't asked me to test. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I think my liver would have kicked in some glucose. But as ragged as I've been running lately, I'm not sure if I had the store in my liver at that time. Would I have passed out? According to Sweet Guy, I looked like I was going to. I really don't know. I think I would have started feeling the low if I had waited a few more minutes. And then I would have dealt with it. This is getting a little frustrating. I really wish I had the money for a CGM. I know my 6.7 A1c is nice and pretty but it's not from even numbers, it's from lots of lows and lots of highs that counter each other to make that number.

I'm really irritated with not feeling my lows. My mom caught me in one later last night too. I said I was feeling quite off. It was more because of some issues I'm dealing with but she asked nevertheless and I think I was in the 50s. Once again didn't feel it at all. Never really did feel that one. I just dealt with it. Drank juice and got it up.

Sweet Guy has said he worries about me. Says he wants me to be more stable. I know I could test more. That would help but I don't think I can ever find the perfect stability that a pancreas provides. I'm frustrated with this. I hate the feeling of lows. I hate that I have to think about buying sugar that I can't just eat. I have to save it for 'just in case'.

Sorry, it's a rant. I'm just frustrated. I wish I could be stable so that my friends and family don't have to worry about me.

Weird food. Not bad taste.

Just thought I'd toss this on.
I just threw together Beef Top Ramen, Spinich and a buttload of ketchup. I drained out the liquid and just ate it. It's pretty good. I'd take a picture but I've yet to get a camera. You can imagine what it looks like but I'll throw out my colorful description. It looks like white worm things in grass clippings, all tinted orangeish. Not the most appealing looking but it tastes pretty decent. And it's really cheap. And half way healthy. Lot's of veggies since I used a whole package of spinich for just one package of Ramen.

Anyway, tell me if you try it.

Catch up. (Not ketchup)

Just popping this down in type. I’ve been crazy busy lately. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I updated. I’ve been busy but haven’t had a ton to write about. Diabetes hasn’t bothered me too much. Had very few lows, almost all of them have been due to Sweet Guy anyway and I’m sure people are getting sick of hearing about the man I have an almost unhealthy obsession with. J/k I just love him to pieces. There’s no obsession here…promise.

Anyway. Um…. School’s been pretty decent. I’m totally enjoying my classes. I’ve decided on what I want to get my Master’s in. I want to be a Vocation Rehabilitation Counselor. The program here at Utah State is ranked 15th in the nation. Although, if you ask a professor they’ll say we’re the best. From what I’ve learned, I’m inclined to agree. The lady in charge is Dr. Julie Smart. Amazing woman. She has like 7 accreditations after her name. I think that means she’s pretty smart and knows what she’s doing.

Now to figure out my Undergraduate. Well, I think I want to go into Family and Consumer Sciences. That, Social Work or plain Psychology are the choices I’m looking into. So I’ll be working on my class schedule for next semester soon.

I’m working on getting a job and a place to live this summer. I’ve grabbed an application from Best Western. I’m also planning to do a lot of volunteering this summer for a place called Common Grounds. They work with people with disabilities making the outdoors accessible to anyone. As a volunteer I get to participate for free and I get to help amazing people. I went to an open house tonight and made fast friends with a man named Devon. He is so cool. He was disabled due to leaking veins in his legs so he’s been told he can’t work anymore. He is full of vim and vigor. He and I yacked for a good two and half hours. Just about everything. He’s told me that he’s going personally make sure I become an expert at fly-fishing. Anyway, before I left he gave me a hug. I haven’t felt quite that happy from just meeting in quite a long time. He made sure to get my promise that I would come back again. Great guy.

I’m so glad that I took SPED 1010. I took it on more of a whim than anything else. I needed more credits and I was interested in learning more about other disabilities. Probably one of the best whims I ever went with. Because of this class I’ve figured out where I want to go. Because of this class my eyes have been opened. I’m learning so much. I wish I could just jump straight into the Master’s program. I really don’t want to do my generals. Mer. I’ll live though. It’s just gonna take forever because I don’t dare take more than 12 credits at a time. I’ve learned over these last couple of semesters that I can’t take more than that. So I’ll probably be done in about 6 years. Sweet Guy will probably finish with his Ph.D around the same time as me. We’re not sure the timing yet. Hmm Sweet Guy popped in again. Dang him for always being on my mind. LOL

On Monday he asked me if he could interview me for one of his assignments. He needed to interview someone of a minority or someone with a disability. Seeing as his girlfriend had Diabetes he decided on that. I think that is so cool. Among the many questions he asked, Sweet Guy asked what drove me nuts the most about other people and my Diabetes. I explained that it drives me nuts when people look over my shoulder at my BG numbers. If I want to share, I’ll show you. He’s done that to me a lot. I explained how it makes me feel uncomfortable and even guilty if my number isn’t perfect when he looks. He said he had no idea and said that he’ll be patient and wait to see if I’m going to share. Through his interview, he learned a lot. I really appreciated him taking the time and listening to everything I had to say.

Hmm. What else can I bore you with talk about mindlessly? I think I’m going crazy but I’m loving every minute of it. Hopefully my next check in won’t be so far away. But I imagine it’s going to be a bit. Maybe I should pull myself off the Lazy Blogger list. I just can’t come up with the time or the material every three days. I’m too busy doing stuff that is too boring to blog about. So if you actually read this whole thing, good for you, you just built a great amount of patience. Cya.

Low Power.

There are very few things I hate more than being out of control of myself. I'm very independent and hate depending on others for help. I hate being a burden to others. I want to help people, make their lives easier, not cause stress and worry.

Last night I had a persistent low while I was over at Sweet Guy's apartment. He was working on a report and I was sitting right next to him on the couch watching V for Vendetta with our other friends who were over. Towards the end of the movie I felt a low coming on. I had eaten some ice cream so I figured that I had miscalculated a little in my timing and that it would be coming back up. I was only at 74 so I just decided to wait it out. I had looked through my backpack real quick and I didn't have any sugar on me anyway. I had used my pop the day before and forgotten to put a new one in.

Slowly I noticed that I was going lower, it was becoming harder to understand what the guys were saying around me. They sounded like just a bunch of mushy sounds all around me. I had no problem focusing on the movie, though. This confuses me a little but anyway. I could feel a little bit of that 'low' floating feeling starting. I could also feel a few beads of sweat on my forehead and I was slightly trembling. I kept telling myself to grab my tester but I couldn't seem to do it. It took me 10 minutes to focus enough to grab it. I couldn't get my body to respond to what I was telling it to do. I finally was able to grab my meter which was sitting right next to me and clumsily test. I was having so much trouble sipping the blood into the test strip that my fingertip was bloody smear by the time I was done. But I was keeping it down below everyone's line of sight. I didn't want them to see I was struggling. Stupid, I know, I do weird things when I'm low.

I was at 57. I told myself that I needed to ask Sweet Guy for some sugar but I just couldn't get the words to form. I couldn't say that I needed help so I just sat there right in the middle of everyone sitting right next to Sweet Guy feeling so powerless. Things were feeling a bit more cloudy all I could understand around me was the stupid movie. (I loved the movie but this was frustrating.)

After another ten minutes I finally argued with my arm enough to get it to poke Sweet Guy. All I could get out was, "Do you have any sugar?" He immediately got up and found me some some sugary stuff and when that didn't raise my BS after 20 minutes, so he grabbed his whole container of sugar and told me to eat as much as I needed.

I hate lows so much. I feel so powerless sometimes. Most of the time I have no problem saying I need some sugar or just grabbing some myself but sometimes these lows make my thinking so unclear and unreasonable.

Another reason I hate lows is that sometimes they make me emotional. Once I finally got Sweet Guy's attention, I just started tearing up. I couldn't get it to stop. It's frustrating and embarrassing. We were with two other friends. They are pretty good friends but they're not exactly my close friends. I have no problem teaching about diabetes but I'd rather not have those outside my close friends and family see my melt downs.

Lessons learned: It's okay to ask for help. Remember to refill your sugar silly.

Nothing and R & R

Can I just say how much I love Spring Break? I have been doing whole ton of nothing. I'm going to meander a bit with this post.

I have a confession to make and if anyone chews me out, well, I'll likely laugh. I know it was a bad decision. When I went home to Malad, I kinda forgot something rather important. I nearly forgot my insulin but I remembered that at the last minute.

I forgot my BG meter. I didn't tell anybody because I didn't realize this until the morning after getting home. I didn't want to worry my parents and I didn't want to have to ask for a ride back to Logan because gas is getting ridiculous. So I went blind for four days. I would not recommend it at all. Um.. So yeah, stupid on my part.

Forgetfulness has always been the biggest bane to my self care. I always forget stuff. That is why I love the alarm feature on my pump. VERY useful.

Let's see, what else has been going on. Well on Tuesday I came back to Logan. When I went into my empty apartment my roommates alarm clock was going off. I assume it's been going off since Saturday. After dropping everything off I went over to Sweet Guys apartment and knocked on the door but there was no answer. I went and sat in his building's lobby and sent him email saying I'd be there. I ended up taking a nap and I woke up to Sweet Guy saying my name and my face smooshed on my laptop's keyboard. hehe That's always a beautiful look when your boyfriend is waking you up. Keyboard imprint. :D

But anyway I've just been relaxing with Sweet Guy and the other guys who stayed here for Spring Break. Playing video games, catching up on movies, drinking pop (diet for me) and enjoying Sweet Guy's cooking. Until next time, I disappear into the bliss of doing nothing.

OW!!!! Dang it!

I just put in a new site and it is killing me. I must have hit something but Dang...

Okay, I didn't finish this last night so here I go to finish it.

My site is still killing me!!! Ahhh! I'm gonna scream. Every time I move my leg or my pants brush against it, it feels like I have a knife tip in my leg. I am seriously thinking about ripping it out the problem is that I only brought one extra site with me. (I'm at home for Spring Break) Obviously, if I replace it and something goes wrong with that one then I'm screwed. :-/
Note to self: Pack more than one extra next time you are staying away from your apartment. Idiot.
Hopefully it stops hurting soon. I slept through it all night but I generally sleep through anything. I have been known to sleep through the fire alarm in my bedroom. And I was just that tired last night.
I had a doctors appointment with my awesome doc yesterday. He's great at helping me figure out what is going on and he lets me bounce ideas off of him. He's not an endo by any stretch of the imagination but he's a great. The nearest Endo is in Ogden last time I checked and I just can't get down there so I stick with my GP.

But anyway, Amazing news, can anybody guess what my last A1c was? It was like an 8.3 and the month before that it was a 10.1. The doctor walked in yesterday and asked how I did it.

"Did what?"
"What have you done differently to drop your A1c so drastically?"
"Um...got a pump that gave me an artificial memory and programmable reminder?"

See, my biggest problem with keeping tight control has always been remembering to take my insulin. Well the pump obviously takes of the background insulin automatically. Then I've got alarms set up to remind me to bolus when I eat. The BG reminders are a God send as well. This is the key to my control. And my new A1c is: 6.7!!! Ah! I'm so happy about this. I was actually dancing around and singing a little after my appointment yesterday. I had been hoping for something in the 7s. Actually I had decided I would be very happy with a 7.6. That was my birth weight so I decided that was the number I was going to hope for. I'm happy with what I got.

So in this appointment we also talked about how tired and sick I've been for the last couple of weeks. My body has been yelling at me but I haven't been able to understand it. I've been whole body sore and falling asleep at random times a lot this last week. My doctor and I talked about all that I've been doing and he says I need to cut back in how much I do. I've been running myself into the ground. So this next week I'm going to get some R&R. Yay Spring Break!

So I'm going to return to non blogging. I'm trying to find stuff with substance to blog about, I'll keep looking.

-Edit-

FYI, I figured out why this hurt so bad when I pulled the site a day later. Upon closer examination, I realized that the cannula was bent. It had been sitting in my thigh kinked. I've concluded that that part of my thigh was just too muscular.

Start with the Temple.

I've been finding it hard to find anything to blog on. If anyone wants to throw a topic at me or ask a question like they did for Jillian, go for it. I'd appreciate it. But yeah, Diabetes has been only a slight beep on the radar.

I got 100% on three of my midterm tests but kinda did poorly on my Public Health midterm. Oh well, life goes on and I'll do better on the next one.

The concert was great. We sounded amazing even though we were iffy at the practice the night before. I love being in all these musical groups. It's so energizing to finally get the musical pieces down and perform together.

Anyway, Saturday was amazing

So Sweet Guy has finally met the hyper Jess. He called me a giggling school girl. LOL That just got me laughing even harder. Saturday was great. Sweet Guy and I both decided that we really needed to fill back up spiritually because we were both drained. So we decided to go to the Logan temple. We spent a good half hour on the temple grounds. The weather was gorgeous, I think it was in the high 40s. In just that half hour, we went from being so worn to being energized and laughing.

We went to go catch the bus and we missed it by like two minutes so we were stuck there for another 30 minutes. It was starting to get a little brisk at this point. We finally got on the bus and half way around the route when we saw some people practicing with swords and shields and wearing armor. We jumped off the bus and joined in. Sweet Guy played with that group until one of the guys noticed me shivering a bit. I was trying to hide it because he was having such a great time but we decided that we probably needed to try to catch the bus. Well we stood at the bus stop for ever and then decided to go ask if we could bum a ride. Just then the bus went by. They said they'd be done in a couple of hours or so but it was really cold and the snow was starting to get bad. We decided to wait and then we saw the bus go by again just as we thought to grab it again. Then we saw it go a different direction and we missed it again. I can't really explain but we just couldn't catch the bus so we were icy cold and drenched before we finally caught a ride back.

We then dried off a bit and laughed out how frozen we were. We could barely move we were that wet and cold. We then ran over to the basement classroom in Mountainview where all the guys were and we played Magic the Gathering for a few hours. Sweet Guy demolished me when I was playing an emperor on one of the teams. Then he had to run to work but me and the guys kept playing for a while. Then we started playing Mow. Man was that a fun game. I enjoyed it incredibly. I can't tell you how it works because the first rule of Mow is to never discuss the rules. It made it a bit difficult at first but you pick up on it and some of the things that you have to do are hilarious. Sweet Guy got back at 9ish and we kept playing Mow until nearly 1am. Then he and I walked home and it was great. We just walked in the snow and stood outside my building for a while talking. I looked up and the moonlight was catching the snow so beautifully. It was a gorgeous night and we were getting snowed on again but we didn't care. We just stood in it and loved every minute of it. Anyway, Lovely day. Starting the day with the Lord made it amazing.

There's your sap and post for the day. I'm sorry I have nothing else, life is busy but nothing to really talk about.

Stamp Act.

I have a post in the que it just needs to be edited so Ha, you can't stamp me yet cuz this is a post. And no, this doesn't break the first rule because I'm dancing around the topic without actually saying the actual topic. Anyway I need to go to sleep. Look for post sometime tomorrow.

Night y'all.

I Burn Out.

I burn out. It's what I do. When things get rough and stressful I tend to clam up and pretend there isn't a problem. It isn't healthy, I know. I'm working on it. But yeah, that'd be one reason why I haven't been online. I've been on my gmail religiously but I haven't been reading blogs nor have I been blogging. It's just how I deal. I did it last year when trouble started piling up. This led to very poor diabetes control and poor school work and half-hearted work. I don't know why I do it. When I'm doing well I can handle many stressors and I can get stuff done but you push me too hard and everything just gets shut off and I stop. I keep myself distracted and busy while accomplishing nothing. That doesn't work, now does it?

I've burnt out again but not nearly as bad as last time. A major difference between this time and last are my resources. I have been talking to others about what is going on rather than keeping it to myself. I have turned to my Heavenly Father for help. Between Him and my friends, I have found that I can lean on them briefly while I get my feet back underneath me.

So here I go, midterms out the yin-yang and a band concert tomorrow night. Wish me luck.