To get another thing off my chest, I'm concerned. With each passing month, I find that time of the month to be more crazy blood sugar-wise (and everything else wise.). When I got married, it seemed to even out for a while, now it's back to wobbling. Picture a top, that wobble it does before it straightens back up when you spin it again. Well now picture that dangerous wobbling that requires an immediate spin or you're in danger of losing all momentum and the top dropping and spinning away. That's how all this feels like in my head. Got some serious wobbles going. I feel mostly stable most of the time but, really I feel it gets out of control during "that" time. Moodiness and bloodsugars going wild is par for the course during this time of the month.
What is unusual is how disoriented I have been getting. Last night was my night to do errands. Write up a grocery list and menu, pull cash for bills out of the bank, go grocery shopping. Now, to preface, I NEVER go anywhere without my phone. I am extremely, neurotically on top of some things (pump, cell, keys, wallet, meter, juice). The phone is more important than my pump to never be without. I can always call for help. I can fix any mistake as long as I can contact someone. (In my logic.) The point is, I don't forget things. I double and triple check the whole way out of anywhere, just to be sure. I always notice.
Well, after leaving the bank, I wanted to text something funny that had occurred to me....and my phone wasn't in my back pocket. (It's always there, so much that I have wear holes similar to a chew can ring in all my pants.) So I pulled everything out of my pockets, dumped my purse twice. Checked the shelves around me, checked the cart, the floor. Walked back to the bank, asked them. Checked the bathroom. Asked the service desk if someone had turned it in. Started freaking out because the bank teller had told he knows he had seen me using it while I was waiting. But I couldn't remember it.
Like I said, I really hadn't been feeling well. I just don't know how describe it, like the world was drifting in and out of focus. I was aware for a moment and then I was lost in la la land. Just in and out. My balance was also seriously off, it felt like the floor kept tilting. So I asked to borrow the store phone and called my husband because his cell is the only number I could remember that was a local number. Of course he's doing the Weber fair in Ogden this week so he couldn't help me. I was freaking out because I was feeling too disoriented to drive home and scared because I had lost my security blanket to take care of myself. I asked him to find a friend that would come help me get home. (NEVER done this in my life, I always just muscle through these diabetes things and do it myself. It's just something I have to do.) I called him back and he said everyone he'd called had turned him down, was otherwise occupied or wasn't in town. Wtf! So I finished shopping and just drove home slowly after psyching myself up that I wouldn't crash in the two miles home.
My phone we sitting on the couch, in plain sight.
I just, this is highly unusual and happening more frequently. And it just didn't stop, I dealt with being completely disoriented and discombobulated all day today. While training someone and coming off as completely incompetent. Lovely. It's coupled with serious anxiety where I walk around telling myself to breathe, calm down, there's nothing wrong. I'm sure the new guy thinks I am quite nuts.
I don't know what the heck is going on but it all intensifies on the lead up to that time of the month. And it's just ramping up as time progresses. Just keeps getting worse. And all I can turn to is, that I'm just nuts. That I'm working myself into a frenzy over nothing substantial and this is the result of stress, bad blood sugars, poor eating, and too much work.
I'm concerned about my memory (having a close diabetic friend experience severe memory loss along with others reporting memory loss is doing nothing for my overactive, self-inflicting imagination).
But whatever, what can I do? I'll just keep smiling and telling people I'm fine, just feeling a little sick to my stomach but it's all good. I'm still upright. Just didn't sleep well last night. It's not like telling anyone what's wrong can help. I've talked to people, they just say they're sorry and don't know what to do. I'm the one who always answers these weird questions.