Today was another day the weather didn't cooperate with us so work was canceled for most of the day. I was able to sleep in. Catch up on sleep and re energize a bit.
Grandma came in at around 11:30 telling my to get my lazy bum out of bed. The "lazy" caught my attention and stung. She is not the first person to call me lazy. A couple of mornings ago my aunt said something similar. Now, I know most people say that in fun. Just being funny but enough honestly believe I'm just plain lazy, that it's starting to bother me. Roommates, brothers, family and friends think me lazy because when I'm not running a million miles an hour people usually find me knocked out on a couch, floor or where ever I sat down to rest.
I am becoming irritated with this assumption. I sleep because I am dead tired. Because I cannot keep my eyes open and have lost all concentration. I sleep to refuel so I am able to keep up with others and to do as much as I can. I do work hard. You may not see everything I do but I am doing it and it wears me down fast.
It drives me nuts that I wear out so fast and need to sleep and rest as often as I do. I am always tired. I am never not. I can only conclude that it must be attributed to my diabetes. I did not feel like this before I got diabetes. My numbers are always in flux, bouncing daily from the low sixties to the high 200s on many days. I have not figured out how to smooth out the instability, I'm working on it. But it wears me out. The only way I can keep up is to sleep and restore a bit of energy.
I identify with The Spoon Theory. (I would highly recommend clicking on the link if you are not familiar with the story) I may not have Lupus but I am rarely not tired and must pick and choose what I can do. When I don't, I feel the consequences.
So next time you come across me, fallen asleep on the couch or sleeping longer than you think I need to, please leave me be. I need it.
Of Crashing Waves And Diving In
1 week ago