Monday, January 28, 2008
"What is that sound?" He asked with confusion.
"It's my pump, it beeps while I'm programming in how much insulin I need, it's a bit irritating. Sorry about that." I kinda blushed.
"Hey, don't worry about it. I think that pump is pretty cool." Score points for Sweet Guy.
But still, it's hard enough trying to date, get to know someone and try to not make too much of a fool of yourself without diabetes. Something I worry about is having a low while I'm on a date. How embarrassing would that be? I've been keeping my numbers under much greater control lately so I've been having lows more than I used to. I'm also not feeling them until I'm under 50 mg/dl. I've yet to have a low that I couldn't deal with on my own but still... I just worry about it.
I have told Sweet Guy if I start acting weirder than usual, I probably need to check my blood sugar and then eat some sugar. I do this with anyone I'll be with for any length of time. I have no problem talking about my diabetes it's just when it rears it's head and tries to act like a disability that I wish it were gone. When I feel a low and have go dig around for some candy. When I'm high and can barely function due to feeling so sick. When I have to explain why I'm not participating in the game like everyone else.
When I'm trying to get to know someone new I want them to know me and forget about the BS tests, the insulin pump, the pause before I eat something so I can figure out the carbs. I don't want people to just see the diabetes and not be able to see me past it.
Anybody else worry about the 'betes when they're out on a date?
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Well for a piece of diabetes. I've been having these really weird lows all night. I haven't been feeling them at all. I didn't feel any of them until one hit 48. That one was weird too. I didn't get the shakes as per usual. I felt a headache coming on and my mouth started going numb. I checked my blood sugar to see if that was the cause. Like I said, 48. It's so weird I don't know what to make of it. My mouth is still a bit numb and it's been a good 25 minutes. I'm not sure where the lows are coming from. I haven't exercised today nor have I had too much insulin. If anything I haven't had enough insulin. If anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Use one word to describe me … just one single word.
Leave it in my comments.
Then post this message on your blog and see how many strange and interesting things people say about you!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
As I sat up, I pulled Sweet Guy's arm off my shoulder (yes, he was a bit too forward.) and pulled out my phone. "Hipster." The screen read.
"Hey what's up?"
"Hey Jess, could you come play church ball. Only two people showed."
I thought for a moment. Do I stay here and totally enjoy this anime or do I go get myself some good honest exercise..... Let's get some blood pumping.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a few."
I walked up to the church in the negative degree weather. It is too dang cold here. The warmest temperature I've seen in a while was 20 degrees. The average is around 5 degrees during the day.
I walked into the gym and started warming up. Then we began the game. I was having a blast running with them. I even made a couple of baskets. WOOT. Then I realized that I didn't check my blood sugar before playing.
I swapped with one of the girls and went and checked my blood sugar. 98. Well that would be great any other time but right now it sucked. When I exercise, my blood sugar drops like a rock so I need it over 150 at the very very least. So I grabbed my backpack and started digging for some candy.
As luck would have it, there was nothing in there. Not even my glucose tabs, they needed to be refilled. Dang it!
Hipster came out for a break from the game. I asked her if there was anywhere to grab something or if she possibly had some candy with her. No such luck. Since neither of us could track down something to get my blood sugar higher I decided I should probably sit out.
When one of the girls came up to me to swap I felt guilty for having to decline. I explained that I was afraid that if I played any more my blood sugar would drop too low and I wouldn't have anything on me to bring it up. That really left a bad taste in my mouth. Whenever I need to sit out of an activity I worry that others will think it's an excuse. I hate sitting out and having to chalk it up to diabetes because it just portrays that "I'm disabled" picture more. I'm not disabled and I hate admitting that my diabetes slows me down when I'm not entirely prepared. If I didn't have diabetes I could have run myself into the ground just like the rest of the girls. Sometimes I really miss life before diabetes.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
- I can't focus on any one thing in the slightest bit. So I'm going to kinda bullet.
- This morning I woke with a nice 88. Very happy with that.
- My blood sugars have been stellar this week as far as staying down. I've had few highs but no higher than 250. My problem has been getting it up and keeping it up. (stay out of the gutter.)
- I've been arguing with lows. Nothing too desperate, my lowest has been 47 and that wasn't that bad. The blood sugars have been confusing me a bit. The average has been in the high 60s. The weird thing is that I don't feel low in the slightest bit. I don't feel it until I'm in the low 50s. Sometimes I swear I'm high because I've got cotton mouth or I feel tired but I check and it blares a 50 at me. I wonder if my meter is off yet I know it's accurate because I'll feel a low and it'll give me a correct reading. IDK
- I've been jotting in my "blog " notebook. I have a few partial blog ideas written. I'll try to expound a bit here.
- I've got one that I want to post on expenses. I started on it after I read Brensdad's post. The costs of my care are definitely kicking me in the kidneys. My co-pay is $28.75. Every month I have to buy my insulin. I'm also having a monthly Dr. Appt. until I get my A1c back down. Luckily my test strips are covered 100%. I haven't the slightest idea how much my 3 month supply for my pump will be. I know that I have to pay 20% of whatever it does cost. Then I have my $51 payment every month for my insulin pump for the next 23 months. Then I have to buy glucose tabs quite often. Those are about $5 at Wally World (aka Wal-Mart) I usually go through about three bottles a month. Then I try to buy healthy food. I get low carb foods when available, these are always more expensive. So I'll hazard that my costs are around $160 a month. Now I know that isn't anywhere near as bad as it could be but it still stings. It's caused me to take two jobs to pay for expenses. I really don't know how I'm ever supposed to save my money to pay off the loans I've taken out to pay for school.
- Something else that's been floating around lately is should I eat it now or save it for a low. When I get a candy I often waffle between eating it then or saving it to throw into my "low" stash. I really wish this was something I never thought about. Just something I've been thinking about lately.
- Well that's all I can think of right now. I'm going to be celebrating a year of diabetes on Thursday. I'm not quite sure whether or not to celebrate.
- I think I'm going to celebrate.
So my great news for the day. I've brought my A1c down. It's now an 8.3 from a 10.1. I'm so happy I could burst. My doctor is very happy and was very interested in what got me back on track. I'd have to say it was the blogsphere and all of my online D friends. Knowing I wasn't alone helped me a great deal.
Well now that I've finished that I'll go to the other post and finish it. I just got approval from Sky. Woot!!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I'm splitting the blog up. Don't expect it to make much sense. I can't focus on any one thing. As I write this, I am chatting to two people, reading four different blogs and thinking about all the different things I should write another blog on. So...Enjoy.
Something I've been wanting to do is a post on has been my trip to Disneyland. It was a total blast. I think I've said as much in a previous post. I had a few bumps in the trip. I also met one of my awesome friends that I met because of diabetes. As far as the bumps. I was at the House of Blues in Downtown Disney. I had decided I was going to indulge and order myself a big carb filled chocolate mousse cheesecake. After I ordered the cake I asked the waitress if she might possibly have a carb count for the dessert. She gave an almost comical blank stare and then asked what a carb was. I tried very hard not to laugh. I explained that I was looking for some nutrition facts. Another blank stare.
"Why would you want to know that?" She asked with a great deal of confusion.
"She's diabetic. She needs to figure out how much insulin to take." Awesome Aunt told her.
"I was just wondering if you guys had the count so I could be a bit more precise with my insulin. It makes it easier if I don't have to guess." I explained.
I swear her eyes bugged out. "You're diabetic and you're going to eat that!!!"
"Well if you kill yourself, it's not my fault." (Yes, she honestly said this.)
Well I ate that whole cake and I highly enjoyed it. And guess what. Two hours later I had a lovely 129 staring back at me from the meter. Probably one of the best blood sugars I had on the whole trip.
All throughout the trip I had a blast. One of the funnier things that happened was on the Tower of Terror. On one of our previous rides my aunt had commented on how her purse kept flying up. I wanted to see the gravity defying act so I as we rode it a second time I let my coat fly a bit. I was thoroughly enjoying watching my coat just hang in the air. When we finished the ride and the elevator doors opened the lady stepped in and did the normal spiel about having a great ride and then she looked straight at me.
"Oh, and Ma'am would you please hold on to your coat next time. You hit our camera."
The three of us got quite a kick out of that.
While on this trip I got to meet one of my online friends. I met her through her parents on a yahoo group. We had a bit of correspondence and I offered to talk to their daughter. We eventually got in touch. We got to know each other a bit. We both were diagnosed the same day. We're both crazy and totally off our rockers. So when I planned out this trip to Disneyland, visiting Sky came up. We worked out the times and met. We had a hard time finding a place to eat but we ended up at the hotel restaurant. Sky and I tested our blood sugars and compared. Her's was better which she proudly shared. Then we both did our shots, she with a pen, me with my good old syringe and vial.
After dinner we were all craving some ice cream so we hit up Hagen Daaz. We took wild boluses and thoroughly enjoyed it. (Hey, I never said was a great example.) Then the three of us (Giggles, Sky and I) totally acted the part of Looney's. (Might have had something to do with the amount of sugar we had just consumed.) We were goofing off and totally not acting our ages. When we had to say our good bye's it was hard. We had only met that night but I felt like we had known each other for ages. I usually hate the fact that I got diabetes but that night I couldn't have been happier to be a diabetic.
So here's some crazy pics of us.
Sky's parents and my Awesome Aunt.
Sometimes it's all worth it for the friends we make.
Monday, January 14, 2008
My roommates and I were sitting in our main church meeting and right when the prayer began my pump started talking.
"Boop Beep Boop. Pay attention to me."
Crap, not now.
It seemed so loud. I felt like everyone in the chapel must have heard it. Hipster was sitting next to me and gave me a questioning look when the prayer was over. I just shrugged. Maybe it would only beep once.
"BOOP BEEP BOOP, Don't ignore me."
I was sitting there trying to figure out how I was going to tactfully reach down my dress and push ESC ACT. I really didn't want to do it right then. I was sitting in the middle of the chapel, anyone would have been able to see me. So I tried pushing the buttons from the outside of my dress. It wasn't working, I was wearing a heavy sweater over top of my dress. It had been an attempt to cover up the pump bulge, now it was impeding me in my attempt to appease my noisy pump.
During the sacrament prayer I snuck my hand up into my sweater and pulled the complaining pump up through my collar.
Check BG I just rolled my eyes, I definitely hadn't thought about timing when I had set that. I shoved it back into my bra and relaxed, the pump was shut up. Or so I thought.
Five minutes later. "Boop beep boop. I've got another thing to tell you."
Criminy! Again? What now?
So I scrunched down and reached down my shirt yet again.
Alarm Clock Grr!! OK, whatever. ESC ACT. I shoved it back in. Don't you dare beep again.
10 minutes later: "Guess what. I'm making noise again. Exciting isn't it?"
Low Reservoir or whatever it says, I can't remember. Are you kidding me?
Well I wanted to be able to just run into the bathroom as soon as the meeting was over so that I wasn't late to Sunday school. So I started turning my site thingy through my dress. (sorry for the lack of technical terms, I've only had it for a week.) That was a challenge but I got it off and pulled the pump and tubing up and out the top of the dress. I pulled the reservoir out and attached my extra reservoir. I rewound the pump and waited for the last ten minutes of the meeting.
As soon as they dismissed the meeting I made a bee line toward the bathroom. I primed it and then hiked up my dress and reattached everything. Then I set the stupid thing to vibrate thinking that would fix everything if it decided it wanted my attention again. Nope.
Right in the middle of my next lesson, the stupid thing started again. It made me jump right off my seat. Luckily, only Liz noticed. Everybody else was too engrossed in the lesson.
I just toughed it out for the rest of lesson, this was a much smaller room and I was not going to dig in my bra in front of all the guys in the room.
When my roommates and I got home, I tore my dress off the moment our door shut. Then pulled on a t-shirt and jeans and promptly attached my pump to my belt.
"Hipster? Can you sew?" I yelled out.
"Yes, if I've got a sewing machine." She yelled back.
"Well we are going to sew a pocket into all my dresses. I am not doing that again."
"Okay, if you can find a sewing machine and get the material I'll do the rest."
I think I'm going to buy myself a skirt.
Friday, January 11, 2008
My new official record. I broke my old one of 43. I broke it a few times over. But I'll catch up first.
Disclaimer: I have just started classes again and this week has been a bit hectic. Sorry for the lack of posts.
So first of all, I got my MiniMed Paradigm 722 on Friday. I was so dang excited over that, the euphoria lasted for five days. On Monday I had pump training. When I walked in to the appointment with my favorite CDE and she looked at me and just beamed at how excited I was.
With a laugh she asked, "So what don't you know about the pump?"
"Uhh... the only thing I haven't done yet is attach it and get it running. That's only because Medtronic told me not to until training. But as usual, I've got my list of questions that I've thought up between our appointments."
"Good, let's answer those first then."
I've very seriously thought about going into the medical field lately. I really did not like programming. I asked her about what she had to do to become a CDE. So that is definitely on my list of things I'd like to do. I'm thinking about becoming a doctor or doing research in auto-immune diseases specializing in Diabetes. I just don't know yet so I'm just taking generals in college right now. I've got two classes that I particularly think I will enjoy. One is Public Health and it's effect on communities and families. The other is Disability in Society. Both have peaked my interest. So back to catching up. Must focus.
"Any more questions?" I shook my head.
"Well let's get you pumping."
So we rewound the pump and filled the reservoir. That was a bit of a challenge. CDE had to help me get all of the bubbles out. I was sitting there tapping it lightly with my finger and she just reached over and rapped on the side with her pen. Definitely gonna have to remember that. We then hooked up the tubing and stuck it in the pump.
We primed it and then it was time to stick it in the spot of choice. As I looked at the needle I was rather intimidated. It's rather long and large. So I wiped off my stomach with the I.V. Prep and set the Inserter. I tensed as I put readied to push the buttons on the Inserter and then I just did it. I wondered if it had actually gone in. It didn't hurt at all. So I pulled out the needle and double checked to see that it had actually attached. It had. I had been imagining that it was gonna kill and I didn't even feel it go in.
So we set my basal at 0.5 per hour. Since I had had a shot of Lantus at 10 that morning we set the basal to start at 10 that night. This was a mistake. We probably should have waited until like 8 the next morning. Oh well, I've learned my lesson on stacking insulin.
After the appointment I immediately called my mom letting her know that I'd finally gotten hooked up. She wasn't as excited as I'd hoped but I think she was a little worn down by my brothers. They have reputation for being extremely draining. I can attest to this. But my roommates reactions were good. They were very glad to see that I had finally gotten set up.
We had family home evening that night and of course there were refreshments. I loved being able to just check my blood sugar and then bolus. It felt so discrete. I didn't have to lug out my insulin bottle, pull out the correct amount of insulin into a syringe and then either stab through my jeans or lift up my shirt to reach my abdomen. All I had to do was type in my blood sugar and the carb count and it did the rest. I feel so free now. All of my stuff is automatically recorded too. I love it. I'm in love with a piece of technology. I'm a true geek and I'm proud. One of the wallpapers I cycle through actually says, "Geek Inside" Just like the Intel Inside logo. Crap, distracted again. FOCUS JESS!!
So after family home evening my roommates, neighbors from our floor and I watched a movie. At 10, right in the middle of the movie, my pump started the basal. By 10:30 I was starting to sweat. I checked my BS. It read 47. So I grabbed like 7 glucose tabs and sat down to wait my 15 minutes.
"You doin' alright, Jess? You're looking a bit shaky." Spoon asked with concern.
"Yeah I'm fine, I'm a bit low but I'll get it up. Just give me a minute."
49 was the next number I saw. I was seriously shaking by this point and doing my very best to not ruin the movie. Most of the girls that were over barely know what diabetes is, let alone that I have it. I didn't feel like teaching right then so I kept it on the DL (down low translation for my cousin). So I downed a pop, steadily chewed on candy and finished the rest of the movie. After the apartment cleared out I checked my blood sugar again: 155 so I went to bed.
I awoke an hour later with adrenaline pumping so hard I thought my heart would break from over use. Once again the shakes were attacking me. I had stupidly left my kit in the living room so I stumbled there and grabbed candy and started downing it while I checked my blood sugar again. 46. WTF??! How the heck did that happen? So I just kept downing the candy that was sitting on the table.
More candy. Finished off my bottle of glucose tabs.
36. F***!! At this point I was freaking out and I decided I'd better enlist some help. Spoon was asleep on the couch so I poked her.
"My blood sugar is 36 and I can't get it up. Help me stay awake please."
She sat up immediately. "What do you need me to do? Do I need to grab the cake frosting gel? Should I get the glucagon ready? What can I do?"
"I just need you to talk to me and keep an eye on me while I down the sugar."
"Sure, no problem."
I had a hard time staying awake but she kept me focused. I just kept eating every bit of candy I could find. After about an hour, I finally got back up over 200 and I was exhausted. I went to bed. I missed my 7:30 class the next morning and I still have sores on my tongue from the amount of sugar I ate. Oh well, now I've got another cold and my blood sugars are staying high so I don't have to worry about these pain-in-the-butt lows. This low was caused by starting my basal too early while still on the Lantus. I have definitely learned.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
I'm feeling a bit giddy right now. I was able to get to bed last night at 10:30 and I woke up at 8:30 feeling great. It's amazing what sleeping on a bed can do for your back when you've been sleeping on a couch for nearly a month.
My blood sugar was a solid 75 this morning. This contributed to my very happy mood. Last night I went to sleep at 120.
I'm so glad to be back in Logan with my roomies. There are only four of us this semester. :( One (Dot) had to join the military and the other (Sarah) (my personal room roommate) couldn't get enough money to stay. All of us that are left miss them terribly but we will keep in touch. Gotta love chat and email.
Well I've got pump training tomorrow, I'm so excited. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.
This is backdated because I did write it that day I just forgot to publish it.
Friday, January 4, 2008
1. Age at my next birthday.
2. A place I'd like to travel
3. Favourite place
In a book
4. Favourite thing
5. Favourite food
6. Favourite colour
7. Favourite flower
8. The city you live in
9. The name of a pet
10. A nickname I've had
11. College major
Computer Science. This will be changing, I just don't know what to.
12. First job
Thursday, January 3, 2008
I was trying to fall asleep but I couldn't get comfortable. All of a sudden I started getting the sweats and and major cramps everywhere. I hurt so bad that I couldn't get off the couch. Then I started shaking and my heart started pounding, I knew I was going low but my kit was all the way in the kitchen. I hurt too much to get up and get the meter so I just grabbed my coat off the floor and pulled out some glucose tabs. I chewed four of them up and then just kinda fell asleep. I woke up this morning with a nice 350. I think I kept dropping after I fell asleep and therefore I believe my liver kicked in some glucagon. Grr.
Today I was eagerly awaiting my pump but UPS never came. I'm very disappointed. It better be here tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
I've discovered that you can mix diet 3:1 and whatever you put into the diet becomes the main flavor. It's just like having whatever drink you mix except with a quarter of the carbs. So while I was in Disneyland I did something similar.
We were at the Blue Bayou and the waiter was listing the drinks. I was looking to see if they had any diets beside coke. They didn't but he did mention Shirlee Temple's and Roy Rogers'. I hadn't had one in forever.
"I've got a really weird request for you, do you think you're up to it?" I asked.
He looked at me with a bit of surprise and then grinned, "Sure, give me what you've got."
"I was wondering if you could do a Roy Rogers but make half of it Diet Coke."
"Well that is definitely one I haven't heard before. I'd be glad to." He then took the rest of our order and went back to the kitchen.
He walked back carrying our drinks, "You'll have to let me know how it is, if it's good we'll have to name it. What would you name it?"
There was no question. "The Lucky Druggie." The waiter looked really confused but my aunt and cousin just laughed.
I thought it tasted great. In my opinion, it tasted better than the original.
I really liked that waiter. There was a guy on the floor that did refills but our waiter made sure to keep my drink filled himself. Whenever I got near an empty he was there with a new cup. He was really cute too. Gotta love a good waiter.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
My insurance has finally approved my pump. According to my rep at MiniMed, it should arrive on the 3rd. I've been waiting for this for what seems like forever. Holly told me that my doctor is the main reason why they approved it. He called in and said something that got them to approve it that day.
I had a doctor's appt. on the 27th. I had an HBA1C done. Not good results. It was a 10.1. This concerned my doctor. Neither of us are really sure what has been causing the ridiculous amounts of BGs I've had. 200 is my average number anymore. I've been sick for most of the month and I've had stress coming out the yin yang but I've been checking more often and bolusing every few hours. So Awesome Dr. and I decided that I'm going to up my Lantus to 25 units morning and night and double the amount of Humalog I use. From (1 unit : 15 carbs) to (1 unit : 7.5 carbs) It seems to be working better. Only downside is that I'll have to buy another bottle of Humalog a month. That means another co-pay. It was $23 last year but it's going to be around $30 this year.
He and I also decided that the anti-depressants are no good. They do nothing for me other than cause more trouble. When I forget a dose, I go nuts. I have such wild mood swings it's dangerous. This is my second time trying them. I'll try almost anything twice on the off chance I may have had a bad experience the first time. I've decided that I will not use anti-depressants again. They're not worth the trouble.
Next topic: School. I'm excited for this semester. School restarts on the 7th. I'm really looking forward to my karate class. I've wanted to take Karate for as long as I can remember, there was just never any place to take it. Other than karate, I'm just taking generals while I figure out which way I want to go. I'm interested in an English degree but I'm really going to look into what it will take to become a CDE.
My goals for this next semester are to work out more, stay focused on school, figure out a career path and step up in my diabetes care.