Be warned, this is a whole bunch of rambling and may make no sense at all. (Basically, like all of my other posts LOL)
I've never been one to worry about my weight. Before I was diagnosed my weight sat around 140 lbs. which I was very happy with. It wasn't perfect for my 5' 4" height but I was happy with it. I felt healthy.
I never worried, until I was diagnosed with diabetes. Within a week of getting on insulin I had hit 150, now I hover around 160. I feel sick with my weight. 160 is too much for me. I do some sort of exercise almost every day but I can't get the weight to drop.
I must admit, during the summer I very seriously considered skipping insulin in hopes of getting down to the proper weight. Just before school started, I had gotten to the point where I couldn't get enough insulin due to insurance issues. So I stretched my remaining insulin to stave off DKA. I was happy with the weight loss, I got down to 145. Unfortunately it ended up with me in the ER. Once I started getting the right amount of insulin, I gained back all the weight I had lost.
Now I don't know what to do. I'm really trying to eat healthy. I just don't understand why I can't get back to where I was without drastic measures.
Before diabetes I never worried about my weight, I never thought about what I ate and I never exercised for the sake of health. Now that is something that is always at the back of my mind. Is this healthy? Have I gotten in my 30 minutes of exercise? Why can't I stop gaining weight? Will this weight have an impact on my BG control?
I have thought about skipping insulin intentionally. It would be such an easy way to lose weight. Eat all you want and still lose weight, isn't that the perfect diet? But then I think about all the consequences. Yes, you may lose weight but you ruin your body in the long run. I remember reading a study on diabulemia where they followed like 15 women and only 3 are still alive after about 10 years. All of the others died from complications of diabetes. That's not how I want to go. I want to live a long productive life with no complications of diabetes. So I'm not skipping insulin.
Yet...I can't stop worrying over my weight. I don't understand.