Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Low Power.

There are very few things I hate more than being out of control of myself. I'm very independent and hate depending on others for help. I hate being a burden to others. I want to help people, make their lives easier, not cause stress and worry.

Last night I had a persistent low while I was over at Sweet Guy's apartment. He was working on a report and I was sitting right next to him on the couch watching V for Vendetta with our other friends who were over. Towards the end of the movie I felt a low coming on. I had eaten some ice cream so I figured that I had miscalculated a little in my timing and that it would be coming back up. I was only at 74 so I just decided to wait it out. I had looked through my backpack real quick and I didn't have any sugar on me anyway. I had used my pop the day before and forgotten to put a new one in.

Slowly I noticed that I was going lower, it was becoming harder to understand what the guys were saying around me. They sounded like just a bunch of mushy sounds all around me. I had no problem focusing on the movie, though. This confuses me a little but anyway. I could feel a little bit of that 'low' floating feeling starting. I could also feel a few beads of sweat on my forehead and I was slightly trembling. I kept telling myself to grab my tester but I couldn't seem to do it. It took me 10 minutes to focus enough to grab it. I couldn't get my body to respond to what I was telling it to do. I finally was able to grab my meter which was sitting right next to me and clumsily test. I was having so much trouble sipping the blood into the test strip that my fingertip was bloody smear by the time I was done. But I was keeping it down below everyone's line of sight. I didn't want them to see I was struggling. Stupid, I know, I do weird things when I'm low.

I was at 57. I told myself that I needed to ask Sweet Guy for some sugar but I just couldn't get the words to form. I couldn't say that I needed help so I just sat there right in the middle of everyone sitting right next to Sweet Guy feeling so powerless. Things were feeling a bit more cloudy all I could understand around me was the stupid movie. (I loved the movie but this was frustrating.)

After another ten minutes I finally argued with my arm enough to get it to poke Sweet Guy. All I could get out was, "Do you have any sugar?" He immediately got up and found me some some sugary stuff but that didn't raise my blood sugar. So he sat me down, dug into his food cupboard and sat his whole canister of sugar in my lap and handed me a spoon with the command, "Eat."

I hate lows so much. I feel so powerless sometimes. Most of the time I have no problem saying I need some sugar or just grabbing some myself but sometimes these lows make my thinking so unclear and unreasonable.

Another reason I hate lows is that sometimes they make me emotional. Once I finally got Sweet Guy's attention, I just started tearing up. I couldn't get it to stop. It's frustrating and embarrassing. We were with two other friends. They are pretty good friends but they're not exactly my close friends. I have no problem teaching about diabetes but I'd rather not have those outside my close friends and family see my melt downs.

Lessons learned: It's okay to ask for help. Remember to refill your sugar silly.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Nothing and R & R

Can I just say how much I love Spring Break? I have been doing whole ton of nothing. I'm going to meander a bit with this post.

I have a confession to make and if anyone chews me out, well, I'll likely laugh. I know it was a bad decision. When I went home to Malad, I kinda forgot something rather important. I nearly forgot my insulin but I remembered that at the last minute.

I forgot my BG meter. I didn't tell anybody because I didn't realize this until the morning after getting home. I didn't want to worry my parents and I didn't want to have to ask for a ride back to Logan because gas is getting ridiculous. So I went blind for four days. I would not recommend it at all. Um.. So yeah, stupid on my part.

Forgetfulness has always been the biggest bane to my self care. I always forget stuff. That is why I love the alarm feature on my pump. VERY useful.

Let's see, what else has been going on. Well on Tuesday I came back to Logan. When I went into my empty apartment my roommates alarm clock was going off. I assume it's been going off since Saturday. After dropping everything off I went over to Sweet Guys apartment and knocked on the door but there was no answer. I went and sat in his building's lobby and sent him email saying I'd be there. I ended up taking a nap and I woke up to Sweet Guy saying my name and my face smooshed on my laptop's keyboard. hehe That's always a beautiful look when your boyfriend is waking you up. Keyboard imprint. :D

But anyway I've just been relaxing with Sweet Guy and the other guys who stayed here for Spring Break. Playing video games, catching up on movies, drinking pop (diet for me) and enjoying Sweet Guy's cooking. Until next time, I disappear into the bliss of doing nothing.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

OW!!!! Dang it!

I just put in a new site and it is killing me. I must have hit something but Dang...

Okay, I didn't finish this last night so here I go to finish it.

My site is still killing me!!! Ahhh! I'm gonna scream. Every time I move my leg or my pants brush against it, it feels like I have a knife tip in my leg. I am seriously thinking about ripping it out the problem is that I only brought one extra site with me. (I'm at home for Spring Break) Obviously, if I replace it and something goes wrong with that one then I'm screwed. :-/
Note to self: Pack more than one extra next time you are staying away from your apartment. Idiot.
Hopefully it stops hurting soon. I slept through it all night but I generally sleep through anything. I have been known to sleep through the fire alarm in my bedroom. And I was just that tired last night.
I had a doctors appointment with my awesome doc yesterday. He's great at helping me figure out what is going on and he lets me bounce ideas off of him. He's not an endo by any stretch of the imagination but he's a great. The nearest Endo is in Ogden last time I checked and I just can't get down there so I stick with my GP.

But anyway, Amazing news, can anybody guess what my last A1c was? It was like an 8.3 and the month before that it was a 10.1. The doctor walked in yesterday and asked how I did it.

"Did what?"
"What have you done differently to drop your A1c so drastically?"
"Um...got a pump that gave me an artificial memory and programmable reminder?"

See, my biggest problem with keeping tight control has always been remembering to take my insulin. Well the pump obviously takes of the background insulin automatically. Then I've got alarms set up to remind me to bolus when I eat. The BG reminders are heaven sent as well. This is the key to my control. And my new A1c is: 6.7!!! Ah! I'm so happy about this. I was actually dancing around and singing a little after my appointment yesterday. I had been hoping for something in the 7s. Actually I had decided I would be very happy with a 7.6. That was my birth weight so I decided that was the number I was going to hope for. I'm happy with what I got.

So in this appointment we also talked about how tired and sick I've been for the last couple of weeks. My body has been yelling at me but I haven't been able to understand it. I've been whole body sore and falling asleep at random times a lot this last week. My doctor and I talked about all that I've been doing and he says I need to cut back in how much I do. I've been running myself into the ground. So this next week I'm going to get some R&R. Yay Spring Break!

So I'm going to return to non blogging. I'm trying to find stuff with substance to blog about, I'll keep looking.


FYI, I figured out why this hurt so bad when I pulled the site a day later. Upon closer examination, I realized that the cannula was bent. It had been sitting in my thigh kinked. I've concluded that that part of my thigh was just too muscular.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Start with the Temple.

I've been finding it hard to find anything to blog on. If anyone wants to throw a topic at me or ask a question like they did for Jillian, go for it. I'd appreciate it. But yeah, Diabetes has been only a slight beep on the radar.

I got 100% on three of my midterm tests but kinda did poorly on my Public Health midterm. Oh well, life goes on and I'll do better on the next one.

The concert was great. We sounded amazing even though we were iffy at the practice the night before. I love being in all these musical groups. It's so energizing to finally get the musical pieces down and perform together.

Anyway, Saturday was amazing

So Sweet Guy has finally met the hyper Jess. He called me a giggling school girl. LOL That just got me laughing even harder. Saturday was great. Sweet Guy and I both decided that we really needed to fill back up spiritually because we were both drained. So we decided to go to the Logan temple. We spent a good half hour on the temple grounds. The weather was gorgeous, I think it was in the high 40s. In just that half hour, we went from being so worn to being energized and laughing.

We went to go catch the bus and we missed it by like two minutes so we were stuck there for another 30 minutes. It was starting to get a little brisk at this point. We finally got on the bus and half way around the route when we saw some people practicing with swords and shields and wearing armor. We jumped off the bus and joined in. Sweet Guy played with that group until one of the guys noticed me shivering a bit. I was trying to hide it because he was having such a great time but we decided that we probably needed to try to catch the bus. Well we stood at the bus stop for ever and then decided to go ask if we could bum a ride. Just then the bus went by. They said they'd be done in a couple of hours or so but it was really cold and the snow was starting to get bad. We decided to wait and then we saw the bus go by again just as we thought to grab it again. Then we saw it go a different direction and we missed it again. I can't really explain but we just couldn't catch the bus so we were icy cold and drenched before we finally caught a ride back.

We then dried off a bit and laughed out how frozen we were. We could barely move we were that wet and cold. We then ran over to the basement classroom in Mountainview where all the guys were and we played Magic the Gathering for a few hours. Sweet Guy demolished me when I was playing an emperor on one of the teams. Then he had to run to work but me and the guys kept playing for a while. Then we started playing Mow. Man was that a fun game. I enjoyed it incredibly. I can't tell you how it works because the first rule of Mow is to never discuss the rules. It made it a bit difficult at first but you pick up on it and some of the things that you have to do are hilarious. Sweet Guy got back at 9ish and we kept playing Mow until nearly 1am. Then he and I walked home and it was great. We just walked in the snow and stood outside my building for a while talking. I looked up and the moonlight was catching the snow so beautifully. It was a gorgeous night and we were getting snowed on again but we didn't care. We just stood in it and loved every minute of it. Anyway, Lovely day. Starting the day with the Lord made it amazing.

There's your sap and post for the day. I'm sorry I have nothing else, life is busy but nothing to really talk about.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Stamp Act.

I have a post in the que it just needs to be edited so Ha, you can't stamp me yet cuz this is a post. And no, this doesn't break the first rule because I'm dancing around the topic without actually saying the actual topic. Anyway I need to go to sleep. Look for post sometime tomorrow.

Night y'all.