The Lucky Druggie

I Demand an Update!

2010-10-11T13:52:00.000-06:00

I must update this blog. I've had a few things to post but life gets in the way of writing.

Anyway, brief-ish update. Life has been good. Coming up on two years being married. It's been awesome sauce. I've changed jobs, couldn't handle Walmart AKA The Empire for any longer. It's hard to work for a company you just can't stand. My health has had it's ups and downs, I think my current A1c is about 7.1%, so doing beautifully. I compared my charts from my pump to my charts from last year. They're about the same. While I wish they were better, they're not worse which is good.

I've had my frustrations with getting a Dexcom but I did secure one. Now the irony, after all the fighting to get it, I can't stand to use it. It bothers me terribly, it's hard to put on and it's hard to carry around. I kept knocking it into things. And while it gave me awesome data, it drove me nuts at night. Apparently if it ended up on the other side of Zane, it couldn't recieve data from it's sensor and started wailing like a very irritating alarm clock. I also kept having to re calibrate it which drove me nuts. I may have given it more of a run for it's money if I'd had a local resource to ask for help and encouragement. But for now, it's being kept in the closet. I will most likely suck it up when we finally hit the point of having kids. It'll be my best friend once I get pregnant.

I have some excellent friends who are always good for a rant about my blood sugars and they're all well educated on the topic. So my poor husband doesn't have to bear the brunt of all my frustration.

Life is good, the bills are being paid and the medical debts are almost gone. Got about $100-200 on the pump left. Wahoo! Now to get the school debts gone.

Also, on the home front, I have a total of three nieces and a nephew now. Only one am I related to, but they're all adorable and have me wrapped around their little finger. If you go through my facebook, I'm sure you'll find pics of all four.

I am grateful for the resources, family and friends I have. They keep feeling just like everyone else, I'm normal, just diabetic. They're always good for a laugh, and my diabetes, while everyone knows it's serious, we keep it light and humorous, which makes everything easier.

See you in a year! (Hopefully not so long, but hey, look at my track record.)

World Diabetes Day!!

2009-11-14T13:10:00.003-07:00

Today is an awesome day. More is taught about diabetes today, than any other day of the year. Today is World Diabetes Day. A day dedicated to raising the world's awareness of how dangerous diabetes can be. We diabetics take today and give our quiet disease a voice. Many blog, many participate on Twitter, and other's take extra time teach their friends, neighbors and community.

Diabetes is a chronic illness. There are three main types: Type 1, Type 2 and Gestational. There are many others too, such as LADA.

Since I'm Type 1 myself I'll explain about that one.

Type 1 usually refers to diabetics who's ability to live is dependent on their injected insulin. Without insulin, they would not survive. Most people pick it up as a child. But not all people get diabetes at a young age. Personally, I didn't get it until right before my 18th birthday. I know others who don't get it till their 20s and later.

Generally it's caused by the immune system becoming confused and attacking the part of the pancreas that produces insulin. This causes a deficit of insulin, causing blood sugars to soar and the child is usually sent to the hospital and diagnosed within a month. Over about a year, the body eventually stops producing any insulin at all. This year is called the honeymoon. The pancreas produces a little insulin but eventually wears out because it can't produce enough insulin because of immune attack.

It's taken care of by a regimen of either multiple daily injections of insulin or a nifty tool called an insulin pump.

The second main step is eating a careful diet. This does NOT mean, they can't eat sugar. They just have to watch their carb intake and bolus (take insulin) appropriately. I personally try to make sure I eat about 300 grams of Carbs a day. This is one place where family and friends definitely help me a lot. We eat at friends often and they are always sure to save carb counts of everything they've made and keep track of all the ingredients in their dishes. They also usually have diet pop on hand and now almost always use whole-grain in everything they make. I can't say how much this means to me and how much it helps me.

The third main step is exercise. About 30 minutes, five days a week. Very important and definitely something I need to get back into the habit of doing. Exercise is a great way to lower blood sugars and keep them low.

And last, but probably the most important, is testing your blood sugar on a very regular basis. Personally, I try to test when I wake up, before and after every meal, before I drive and before and during heavy exercise. Usually, I'll test about 7-10 times a day. Some people think I'm nuts, but I think it is critical to watch my blood sugars very closely to keep my HbA1c as close as I can to 6.5%. (This is my personal goal) By doing this, I prolong my life and live healthier every day.

There are many other things that go into caring for yourself. As a Type 1 myself, I could go on for hours about it. My most helpful resources for caring for diabetes are my wonderful husband, my family and my awesome friends! Without them, I wouldn't be in the pretty awesome health I am.

If you have any questions, definitely drop me a line. And on a more personal note, my blood sugars have been awesome the last few weeks and it looks a CGM has been approved by my insurance! Woot! And hopefully, I'm going to be in school this Spring semester. Now I have Gotta get to work.

2009-11-08T21:25:00.001-07:00

World Diabetes Day 2009

View more presentations from International Diabetes Federation.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

2009-09-20T01:55:00.002-06:00

1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2007 (January 24th)

3. But I had symptoms since: For about a month. Type 1 Diabetes is quick to make it's self well known. At least for me.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: That I have to stick to a schedule, be consistent and NOT lose my damn meter. (Which is currently hiding somewhere in the apartment, I hope.)

5. Most people assume: That Type 1 Diabetes must be awful. (Usually goes, "Wow, isn't that the worst kind? Doesn't that suck? I couldn't do it.") It's not to me. In fact, diabetes has been a blessing. It's taught me so much and is teaching me, by force, that I must be responsible. Rather ironically, diabetes forces me to be more healthy than I ever would have been without it. Diabetes is just a daily pain in the ass, literally some days.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Waking up to a low or a high that makes me late to work because I can't drive until it's taken care of.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Does Bones count? There's medicalish stuff in there.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My insulin pump and meter.

9. The hardest part about nights are: Being visited by Mr. Ambitious (aka, my husband) in the middle of night and then stumbling around trying to figure out where the heck I put my meter and that juice I had stashed by the bed.

10. Each day I take: Insulin and usually at least one juice box (or sugar cookies) for a low blood sugar.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: Think anyone who thinks I can live without insulin smoked a little too much pot while researching their latest 'cure'.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I'd really rather not be sick. But given the choice, I'll take invisible. That way, people can't make assumptions about how well I can do my job before they see me DO the job.

13. Regarding working and career: Diabetes doesn't hold me back. It does make me feel like I have to work harder to prove that Diabetes won't hinder my ability to do the job, though.

14. People would be surprised to know: That just because I'm not visibly sick doesn't mean I don't feel like a walking pile of crap. High blood sugars make it hard to stay awake, make me incredibly sore, and seemingly attached to the bathroom. Lows are usually embarrassing and irritating. I break down crying, can't talk or feel so floaty I feel I've lost touch with reality. But I usually just laugh it off and take action to correct the high or low. I don't like people worrying. If they're laughing, I can deal with diabetes better.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That eating a huge stack of Oreo cookies with milk doesn't make the world better anymore. ;) Especially if I forget to take insulin with it.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I got married. It still amazes me that Zane married me knowing full well that I get sick often. That despite all the hard work in the world, complications may still claim me early. He never saw me as a diabetic. He always just saw me, Jess.

17. The commercials about my illness: Kinda suck. They're usually about Type 2 (and usually confuse people into thinking that all diabetes is the same)

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Indulging my sweet tooth. (I miss my Oreo's.) ;)

19. It was really hard to have to give up: The ability to sleep and eat whenever and whatever I want. I'm only 20 for goodness sake.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Blogging. Spending time researching and learning about diabetes and other chronic diseases.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Eat "The Sink" (an entire sink of ice cream with four different toppings) at Angies. Just to show Zane I can. ;) I would anyway, but I haven't figured out how to eat it without ending up in a coma for a few days.

22. My illness has taught me: Patience, responsibility, understanding. That consistency is indeed, crucial.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people do that gets under my skin is: What pisses me off faster than anything else? Taking food away from me. Telling me I shouldn't eat it. Just watch how fast I come unglued on you. People think it's their responsibility to tell me what I can and cannot eat. I've been doing this almost three years, I think I know what I'm doing. I know what those M&Ms are going to do to my blood sugar and my body. How do you know that my blood sugar wasn't low? Very sore spot for me.

24. But I love it when people: Just listen. When people honestly want to learn about my illness and are willing to let me vent at them. The most precious gift friends have given to me, is when they take the time to learn what diabetes is and how it affects me. Then support me, help me and provide a support network. There's nothing more precious to me than someone who honestly cares and understands.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: My personal thought: God is strengthening and teaching me by using Diabetes as a sculpting tool. It is not a negative thing, in fact it has helped me become who I am.

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Get a support network, whether it's a local support group, a Yahoo mail list, a forum or the Diabetic Blogsphere. Find a friend that can learn with you. Diabetes is damn hard on your own. Finally, never keep it a secret. People can't help you in an emergency if they don't know what you need.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with this illness is: That's it's really not the end of the world. Life goes on at a break-neck speed. You still date, you get married, have a career, have a family and you can even grow old. 100 years ago, I would've been dead last year.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Zane called in to work and then took care of me for the rest of the day. Just being held made it that much easier to get through the roller coaster of blood sugars.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: It is vitally important to help healthy people understand what it's like to have a chronic illness.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: That you're freaking awesome, or just rather bored and stalking my blog or Facebook.

I'm Registered and Walking for a Cure!

2009-08-17T00:11:00.003-06:00

So in lieu of yet another canned page, how about we get a little personal, eh?

For those of you who don't know any diabetics other than me, who don't know what it's like to live with diabetes everyday, let me give you a small (long winded) insight.

Imagine you're standing on a three foot long wood plank.

Now imagine your plank suddenly got set on a basketball and to make it fun, you have to somehow keep the ball rolling forward. (Life doesn't end when you're diagnosed)

If you fall off, you're gonna hurt like heck. Until you get back up, your body will continue to take lasting damage, possibly leading to drastic, irreversible complications. You're not allowed to take a break and very few other people are able to actually help. But they only can do so much.

Imagine now, you're told, "Now do this for the rest of your life. Don't mess up, don't trip, and never rest."

That is life with Diabetes. It's a constant balancing act, "Constant Vigilance" as Mad-Eye Moody said. Working your job, hanging out with your friends, going to school, getting sick all the while.

Watch your blood sugars, Make sure you get enough exercise, but not too much, Make sure you eat right, but not too much, Don't forget to get your insulin dose perfect too, but never too much.

It's always on your mind. Once diagnosed, there is nothing in your life that Diabetes doesn't touch, affect and change.

Just the thought of being able to walk on even ground again... This is what makes everyone, who has diabetes or has a loved one with it, fight for a cure, constantly hope for an end and the opportunity to live without worrying about how to just survive.

If you have the means to help by donating money, it's greatly appreciated. If not, take the time to do a little research and learn more about Type 1 Diabetes. A little knowledge goes a long way.

Thanks and Appreciation to all,

Jess and Zane Kuddes

Here's where you can go donate: http://walk.jdrf.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=extranet.personalpage&confirmID=87407186

Strike One!

2009-08-11T02:47:00.004-06:00

So first of all, Dr. New has lost favor. As anyone who has talked to me recently has been told repeatedly.

One of the next things I've been working towards getting is a CGM. (A CGM is a Continuous Glucose Meter. This, Dexcom, is the one I've been working on getting. It basically checks your blood sugar every five minutes and actively charts your bloodsugars so you can see if your blood sugars are rising, dropping or actually behaving for once.)

I've had my eye on one since I learned about them. I'm finally in a situation where we can afford one. We both have full time jobs, we both have insurance. I'm dual insured and I thought I had a proactive doctor who was willing to bat for me.

In our last appointment, he not only fouled out, he downright pissed me and Zane off.

If he'd pissed me off by just saying I need to work harder, I would've taken that. But instead he blew me off.

We talked about how well the new basal rates are working. I showed him the filled out logbook that he requested. I mentioned that I've been having lows just before dinner and he wanted to radically change my rates all over again. He wanted me to change every single rate. Not just the ones around dinner. I tried to explain that I disagree but he ignored me and continued changing my basals. So I moved on, figuring I'd give it a run for it's money and see how it goes.

As all doctors do, he asked if I have any questions before we're done with the appointment. I told him of my plans to get a CGM. All I need is him to help me finish convincing insurance that having one would increase my health. Providing me with a longer more livable life.

Instantly he started balking the idea. By the end of the conversation Zane and I were seething. He essentially told me that I am not important enough for him to back me up. He doesn't want to tarnish his reputation. Rather saving his reputation for more important patients, such as one who is a surgical doctor or one who has gone repeatedly to the ER. Telling me that my line of work isn't important enough, nor am I close enough to dying for him to think me important.

I'll never understand reactionary medical practitioners. You'd think, provided the opportunity, you'd jump on the chance to take preventitive measures. Tighter BG control from the beginning, rather than waiting till the disease has begun to take it's toll on me.

He said he was afraid of being seen as an over prescribing doctor. I'm trying to understand where he gets off on saying that. I'd bet a good amount of money that he has a challenge just to get most of his patients to even test more than once a day, let alone take a proactive role in their care.

I want to prolong my life, I want a better quality of life. I want to have low blood sugars stop sneaking up on me. What would happen if I'm driving down the road and I don't feel the low until I've already caused an accident? What if I'm slicing meat and lose a finger?

Explain to me why I'm not important enough? I thought doctors were doctors to help people, not build their reputation.

I've got everyone working for me but a man who is supposed to be a central node to my health care.

Dr. New!

2009-06-18T21:50:00.003-06:00

So post-Dr. check-in.

I think I may just kiss my new doc. He has a thick accent but definitely isn't thick headed.

So I fell in love with the clinic before he even walked in, the nurse did her normal stat checking stuff and asked me for my meter so she could upload all my numbers. So cool! Never had that happen before.

Dr. New entered the exam room and gave us both a handshake and grinned when I asked how the heck he pronounced his name. I'm gonna guess he's from India, considering his name and accent.

Anyway, he was all business after the introductions had been taken care of. He asked me what all my stats were on my pump, my ratios, my basal's and then took a look at my bloodsugars. After explaining to him that I couldn't get out of the 200s he took a few minutes doing some math and came out with new basal's for me to try out. Although, I had to correct him on the time that the basals needed to change. He had a hard time getting his head around the fact that my morning is at 12:30 pm-1pm and that I don't generally get to bed until 5am. But once I convinced him that that was truly my standard day, he redid the times. Anyway, he then has me going to a diabetic nutritionist that he works with. They are both going to work with me to get my numbers back into a semi-normal range. Zane and I will be visiting her Wednesday.

I'm excited to finally have a proactive doctor who doesn't shove a ream of information at me and tell me to have fun. He saw my problem and instantly started helping me figure out how to fix things.

We've upped my basal's and changed my Carb to Insulin ration from 13:1 to 10:1 and my sensitivity to 1:25. So far the basal change has made quite a difference. My fasting BSs have gone from being 200 to 85. And throughout the day, I've been staying between 80 and 120 except when I eat. I'm hoping the nutritionist will help me figure out what I'm doing wrong with food. Though, eating burgers, salads and Malt-O-Meal cereal everyday might not be the most nutritional diet. Interestingly enough, I've lost 10 lbs on this diet. -shrug- Who knows, maybe it was all the walking before we had a car.

I'm just happy. Life is good. And it looks like I'll finally have a doctor who can help me with diabetic stuffs. :)

Still here, Just have no time.

2009-06-13T23:33:00.003-06:00

Here's a nothing post to say I'm still alive and kicking, just have no time. At all. I swear.

I work in the Deli at Walmart now, work full time and the past few weeks I've been at Walmart for nearly 50 hours a week. We're a little short staffed. But the job is good and I think the managers like me quite a bit now, at least the personal thank-you note I got the in mail made me happy. (putting in overtime probably helped).

Next, Um... Zane and I are coming up on six months married, and I never realized that you could be more gaga than when you first fall in love. But apparently you can. We're sappy proof.

We have a car now, $200 special that we found in the Walmart parking lot. Little 1986 Honda Civic Hatchback. It's our first car... and our first Stick. :D That's been fun. We haven't killed it in at least a week now. Though we've had to jump start it three times now. But we adore our car, we affectionately call it Salt.

Hmm... Ah yes, I'm finally going to see an endocrinologist for the first time on Monday. I'm excited. I'm hoping, with a specialist, I can get my head on straight and get my diabetes under a bit tighter control. When 200 mg/dl is my general average, I think something is not quite right. My last A1c was 8.1. :/ But Zane and I doing our best, he kicks me into gear and I try not growl at him too much. ;) Honestly, we've just been so busy that I just set it in the background and let it slide. The latest A1c was wake up call that got us both into gear.

So all in all, we're doing well. :) We're just busy.

Edit: My A1c was actually 8.6, I misremembered.

Only A Year?

2009-01-16T18:22:00.018-07:00

This past year has been a year that I will never forget.

January 16, 2008, I met this man:

We met at a Red Cross Blood Drive in the USU LDS Institute.

It was the last day and I hadn't been able to go until the last minute as they were accepting their last few people. So I slipped in, signed and sat down with Twilight for a good read. I was going to be here for a few hours. A few minutes later this man sat down.

"What you reading? Looks interesting." he said with a grin.

I explained a bit of the plot and then we started talking about other things, got to know each other a bit. And got into a really animated conversation about Anime, particularly InuYasha.

During this conversation, I had to show off my brand new toy, my insulin pump. He was extremely interested, found it an excellent invention. I explained about being a
type 1 diabetic. He smiled and listened, learning rapidly. Asking questions when he wasn't sure on something.

It was then our turns to finally give blood. We sat close to each other so we could keep talking. We raced to see who could pump out blood faster. If I remember right, he barely beat me.

"Man, let's hope we never get in a knife fight."

"Why?"

"We'd be gone in under ten minutes considering how fast we just bled out."

I laughed and he grinned bigger.

We sat down eating our snacks they gave us as I checked my blood sugar and bolused for the food. He was curious to learn what the number I had just gotten meant. I taught him and then we got back to talking about InuYasha.

"Hey, I've gotta go grab some books from the bookstore." I said standing up after 20 minutes.

"Mind if I tag along? I'd love to keep talking."

With a giddy grin I said heck yes.

Another hour later I had gotten all my books I needed and we were walking to the bus stop.

"Hey, do you have a cell phone?"

"Um... no." He looked slightly sheepish. "I have an email though."

"That'll work."

We swapped and I turned to go get on the bus. About to get on the bus I spun around.

"Hey! Hang on a sec.... What's your name?"

We laughed as he called back, "Zane."

When I got home I sent him an email and we began the novels of chatting that we have written.

We changed our status on Facebook to "In a Relationship" within two weeks.

He became my Sweet Guy here on The Lucky Druggie. He inspired my only favorited Twitter: Heaven help me, I think I'm falling for him.

And our first picture was taken:

We became fast and very close friends, even to now, best friends.

We helped each other through school. We studied and spent nearly every waking moment together. He learned my highs, dreaded my lows, but stuck with me every moment. Knowing my signs better than me at times.

We dreaded summer vacation's arrival but it came anyway. I helped him move out, met his mom and probably kissed him a good 50 times (even gave his mom a hug). Wishing we did not have to separate.

But separate we did. He to the Salt Lake area with his parents and I to little podunk Delta where my grandparents took me for the summer. We'd work during the day, come home and chat as soon as we could. Generally into the early morning hours. I became the self-titled "Hermit" in the room my grandparents had given me.

I visited my family in Seattle for a week on a spur of the moment decision.

Sweet Guy's family picked me up from the airport and I stayed with his family for the Memorial Day long weekend. We'd only been apart for a few weeks but it felt so much longer.

I started loving his family that weekend.

Two months later, at the end of July, we made a trip to Malad for an old friend's Mission Farewell. Staying with my parents. He laughed at just how small Malad truly was. A boy who'd always lived in Salt Lake, thought my town too small to merit it's full name of Malad City. He loved my family, thought my brother's awesome even if purposely irritating.

We visited the Salt Lake Temple talking of getting married there in May 2009. We saw the Christus and fell even deeper in love with one another.

Weeks later, August 12, 2008, we were chatting on MSN, like we did every night. Sweet Guy asked a question that I still get giggly about remembering.

"Want to get married sooner?"

And my prompt "Hell yes!"

After calling up my family via a four-way call. We moved up our date to December 20, 2008. And promptly changed our Facebook status to "Engaged".

The final months of the last year were a whirlwind. Finding a job, an apartment, staying sane, planning our reception, walking home from work together, kissing in the dark and always talking endlessly.

Our mothers, our families, our friends did so much for us, helped us get everything accomplished in the time we had. I just want to thank them all for all they did. Without them, none of this would have happened nor would all of it gone so well.

On October 17, 2008, Zane's family came up and we all went up into Logan Canyon to take engagement pictures. As we posed for the first picture Sweet Guy said, "Hang on, there's something you need before we can take these pictures."

He dropped to one knee and reached into his shirt pocket, with a smile he took my hand.

"Jessica, will you be my companion for time and all eternity?"

He slipped the ring onto my finger and all I could do was just nod, smile and kiss him.

A week before the wedding, right after Finals finished, we booked it down to Salt Lake. He stayed at his parent's, I at his sister's. In that week we finalized all the rest of the reception that hadn't been finished yet and my mom baked... and baked and baked. She was who I asked to make our cake.

The entire week, it was snowing. And not just a little, enough that even seasoned Utah drivers were struggling to get from Point A to Point B. The snow stopped a good portion of family from arriving. December 19th was the worst night of them all. Snowing all day and all night. Leaving the roads a mess. We set up the reception that night and his father drove me back to Sweet Guy's sister's for the last time that week.

The morning of the wedding, Sweet Guy and his family left 2 hours to come pick me up from his sister's house. (A trip normally made in 30 minutes.)

They arrived just as my aunt's finished the touches on my hair and makeup. (I'm hopeless when it comes to either.)

We made it to the temple with plenty of time. And I'll simply say that the ceremony was even more beautiful than I ever would have imagined.

Before we came out, my aunt's and my grandma helped me get dressed up for pictures.

When Sweet Guy saw me walking up to him all dressed up in my wedding dress, with a veil and the whole shabang, I've never seen him stare so.

Our Facebook now says "Married".

Coming out.

My parents. Couldn't have done it without them.

Our Families.

Naw, we're not completely twitterpaited still.

My family.

My amazing mom.

The rest of my pictures are on: http://picasaweb.google.com/jnpedersen2

Wow, look! I Actually Posted. (It's long)

2008-11-25T02:02:00.004-07:00

Hello World. Or rather family and friends who haven't given up on checking this thing.

I am alive still just uber super stressed and busy.

Update:

Um... life is still going.

25 days until we get married.

I'm going nuts.

Sweet Guy is going nuts.

We're enjoying most of it. Insanity is an interesting place. Honest.

I'm still at Walmart and will probably stay there until after the new year.

Sweet Guy's insurance coverage should be starting December 1st.

We'll be moving our stuff into our apartment on December 1st as well.

Sweet Guy is slowly losing sanity as he works 40+ hours at work and is taking 14 credit hours of 3000 level classes.

We're both very much looking forward to the week we're both taking off before our wedding.

Erm... my numbers were struggling a bit for the first half of the semester, but I've upped all of my insulin intakes and I'm finally living in a normal range. There has been a good amount of encouragement from Sweet Guy while I've been arguing with numbers.

My pump broke this last Saturday, but the people at Medtronic lived up to my expected standard and got my pump to me early Monday morning, and I'm good as new.

I learned which of my friends have needle phobia this weekend as I went back to syringes. There's more than I thought actually. Though I don't blame for cringing by very early Monday morning, I was testing and 'shooting up' every two hours in attempt to keep my numbers semi-normal. I actually got some decent numbers and saw my first 90 mg/dl in nearly two months. Made Sweet Guy and I both rather giddy.

Talking of giddy. That seems to be both he and I these last couple of days as we have now entered our last month before we get married. The count down has begun. As of right now, we have: 25 days, 6 hours, 56 minutes and 42 seconds until Saturday, December 20, 2008 at 9:20:00 AM.

Anyway, due to higher running numbers, I lost my awesome A1c from the summer of 6.7% to 7.9%. :/ But as I said, due to this number, I am taking a much more aggressive attack toward my care.

I've had a few lows due to the new aggressive tack that I have taken. I had a crazy one this weekend actually. I only caught it since I was checking and bolusing every two hours. So as it hit 9pm I grabbed my meter and jabbed my finger testing yet again. When I saw the result: 53 mg/dl I looked at my finger in confusion and then I showed the number to Sweet Guy who looked questioningly at me. Neither of us believed it. So I tested again on another finger: 47 mg/dl.

"What the heck?" I showed him the new number.

"Well maybe you have some chocolate on your finger... wait, no that would cause a high number... why don't you double check with my meter?" (I have a back up meter at his apartment.)

I grabbed his meter and came back with a final number that scared the crap out of me: 40 mg/dl.

We looked at each other in confusion.

"Well I don't feel like that at all but two meters and three results can't be wrong."

He agreed.

So I started eating some more of the Orange Sticks that we had been snacking on.

After about five minutes, I swear it was like a wave that crashed over me and knocked me down. Instantly I started mumbling my words and losing all clear thought. I sat down on the bed and tried to remember where I had put my mini Dr. Pepper. It took me a minute to find it. Sweet Guy looked at me, seeing my nauseous look he asked, "It finally hit you?"

I just nodded and laid my head in his lap as I felt the room suddenly start spinning.

That nasty one had me stuck leaning on Sweet Guy for a good 20-40 minutes. I'm really curious as to why the same number can feel so different. Or how in the world did I not feel that number while I was in the 60s or even the 50s? And why the heck is it always impossible to find the sugar when it's right in front of your face?

So anyway, I may be a bit frazzled but I'm still as happy as ever. I have no idea when I'll next blog but hopefully I at least get one done in December.

Bawling Lows

2008-10-20T10:44:00.003-06:00

So last night I had one of those wonderful very public lows while I was working.

I had been a little funky so I tested, came up 60. So I went over and bought myself a cookie to take care of that.

My manager came over and asked me to go to the sales floor to help them out since they were so short. I was kinda having trouble talking but I said, "I-I just had a... low blood sugar... I'll be good in a sec, do you mind if I take my meter and juice with me?" I asked as I pulled them from the door greeter cupboard.

She replied with a bit of irritation, "Actually, I do mind, you can just leave those there and go, thank-you."

So I put them back in mumbling kind of incoherently about my low blood sugar. I was kind of struggling to string two thoughts together. After a bit of my mumbling she finally understood a little of what I was trying to say. She asked me if I was having "sugar troubles". That coupled with the fact that I was low and that she had grumpily told me I couldn't have my meter and juice with me set me to tears.

Ugh, I hate going low. Usually a low robs me of my ability to talk, walk and much of anything else at least for a few minutes, but this one was worse than usual for some reason. (Might have had something to do with forgetting to eat all day.)

But here I was sobbing in front of my manager, who instantly started apologizing for upsetting me as I attempted to explain what was wrong. I was trying to explain that I had eaten the cookie and I should be fine in just a few minutes, but I was still low and how embarrassed I was that I was just bent over one of the registers bawling for no apparent reason. Eventually she figured out my mumbling well enough to ask if I was diabetic. I nodded and she instantly understood. But that did nothing to save my poor dignity. It took me a good five minutes before I could finally control my tears.

She told me that if I needed, I could definitely come back and grab my meter or my juice if I needed, but she'd rather I leave them at the cupboard by the door while I went to the sales floor.

After my shift, I went back to her to apologize and explain why I had acted the way I had. I wanted to explain it while my BS was within a normal range. She said she understood, but nobody had told her that I was diabetic. I could have sworn I made it a point to tell all of the managers that I was diabetic. But I guess I had missed her, or she hadn't remembered. So she and another manager asked me that I come in early today to fill out some medical papers documenting my diabetes. They say for reasons of an emergency, such as if I ever pass out on them, they have all my information to give to the ambulance.

So I'll probably be heading down to do that soon. But man, I haven't been that irritated and embarrassed in a while. Last night I just curled up with Sweet Guy for a little while, telling him how much I wish I could just get rid of diabetes. I hate lows, with a fiery, burny passion. And some days, I really hate being diabetic.

Tagged!!

2008-10-20T09:42:00.000-06:00

Here are the rules: -
I have to answer the following questions with one word answers, then I must pass it on to seven others. The questions are as follows: -
1. Where is your cell phone?.................... Dead-
2. Where is your significant other?........Snoring-
3. Your hair color?.....................................Golden-
4. Your mother?.........................................Worried-
5. Your father?...........................................Crazy-
6. Your favorite thing?..............................Music-
7. Your dream last night?..................................Sweet Guy-
8. Your dream/goal?..................................Change-
9. The room you're in?........................................Apartment-
10. Your hobby?........................................Blogging-
11. Your fear?...........................Hate-
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?.........Family-
13. Where were you last night?...........................Work-
14. What you're not?.........................................Graceful-
15. One of your wish-list items?.........................Health-
16. Where you grew up?.....................................Malad -
17. The last thing you did?......................................Read-
18. What are you wearing?..................................Pants-
19. Your TV?............................................................Imaginary-
20. Your pet?...........................................................Gone-
21. Your computer?..........................................Dying-
22. Your mood?.................................................Twitterpated-
23. Missing someone?............................................Always-
24. Your car?...................................................Non-existant-
25. Something you're not wearing?................Make-up-
26. Favorite store?.................................................Barnes and Noble-
27. Your summer?................................................Engaging!-
28. Love someone?..............................................Extremely-
29. Your favorite color?......................................Blue-
30. When is the last time you laughed?...............Earlier-
31. Last time you cried?.............................Last night-
I award the following people with the "I love your blog award" and in so doing tag them to complete the above questions. -
Whomever reads this, but you have to leave me a comment letting me know.

Toll

2008-10-13T05:33:00.000-06:00

I was reading Kerri's post today. And it got me thinking about more than just my situation. Yes, I am the person that lives with a diabetic body everyday. But who else worries about said diabetic body? What toll does it take on those who love me?

I know my parent's worry about me. I know they've done research and have seen what diabetes can do to a body.

I know the rest of my family has done similar research or has asked me for the details and what all diabetes entails.

My friends, everyday, see my sucesses and trials. They see me wince at a bad number or become elated at wonderful numbers.

They've come to the point where they all know what effect each number has on my future.

Everyone around me is affected. Even my new family.

What Kerri's post got me thinking about most was my soon to be husband. He is a man that astounds me everyday. He is doing 14 credit hours of 3000 level classes and on top of that he has recently worked to become promoted to a shift manager at Carl's Jr. He works full time doing the closing shift there. Why does he do that? Partially to work through school debt free but probably one of the things that drives him to do it most is that I can have insurance. So my diabetes is taken care of.

It just astounds me... that's all I can say.

Yet I know that at some point, my disease takes it's toll on everyone around me. Most especially him. I can see him worry. And I can see the stress he is under.

I know he thinks about our future family. I know I am no longer the only one worrying about my ability to safely be pregnant. It seems there is a bit of a history of trouble with pregnancy in my family. Put diabetes on top of that..... And now, this post has turned into a rant. :/ Hmm...

The point of this post is the toll that my disease takes on not only me, but the ones I love. There are days I really wish I could remove diabetes from my life, just to spare other's worry about me. To spare my dear fiance a little stress.

I do my best to do what I can by taking the best care of myself I know how. I keep myself healthy as best I can.

"You're not dying."

2008-09-29T12:33:00.003-06:00

Well yes, I know that. And that's not why I'm checking my pump so often.

The other day, one of my co-workers suddenly asked why I was so paranoid. I asked what she meant.

"Well you look at your pump like every five minutes, what the heck are you doing? It's not like if you don't check it, you'll keel over and die."

I looked at her for a moment, trying to sort the three ridiculous emotions that instantly flaired. The first was to laugh uncontrolably at her naive assumption, the second was oddly enough feeling irritation, because if I was checking my blood sugar or something that often, obviously, I shouldn't worry so much about my health. The last was kinda hurt.

But I marshalled all those random emotions, and pulled out my pump, showing her the screen. "Ah, I can see why you'd be so confused, actually, if you hadn't noticed, I don't wear a watch. My pump has a clock on it."

I swear you could see the lightbulb as it suddenly made sense.

Pumps are making the wristwatch obsolete. ;)

My Supermen

2008-09-17T02:18:00.004-06:00

So today was an adventure. About an hour into work, my infusion site decided to start melting off. And since my only transportation is the bus or my feet. I had to call my friends to go dig through my apartment, find me a new site and bring one in for me.

I called up the CSM (Customer Service Manager), explained the situation and asked her to have someone watch the door while I went and made calls. She had no problem with that. She just said, "Please don't pass out on me." I chuckled and said I haven't yet. I was disinclined to tell her the effect ice cream, pizza, pasta or any high, fast acting carb has on me when I forget insulin. ;) It wasn't really relevant.

I called up the Drewicus (one of Sweet Guy's roommates and one of our best friends) and he handed me off ("Hey man, it's your fiance.") to Sweet Guy. Thank goodness he was there since none of the other guys know all the parts of my pump and would have no clue what I needed. (BTW, Sweet Guy doesn't have a cell, that's why I didn't call him direct.)

"Hey hon, what's up?"

"Sweetie, my site is falling out and my last number read 345. Could you do me a huge favor, go to my apartment, grab me a new site and get here as soon as you can?"

I instantly heard a tone in his voice. "I'll be there as soon as I can, I'll see you soon Love." He hung up.

I ran back up to the front and waited while Sweet Guy got there. Since he doesn't have a car either he had to ride the bus, it took him about an hour (quite a pain in the butt since it's only a five minute drive... we really need a car). During that hour, I swear the CSM came over five times just to make sure I was still standing and I know she had a few other associates watching me too.

Sweet Guy finally walked in the door, sweat was beaded all across his face, I thought it was only because it was 85 degrees outside. But after we both got off work tonight, he admitted he had been sweating so hard because all he could think was, "Crap, Jess is going to pass out on me before I get there, stupid, idiotic, slow buses... crap crap crap." Obviously he had a few stronger words.

I had no idea how affected he would be just by hearing that number. (Since, anymore, the highest I usually go is 220 and even that's rare, I can see why 345 threw him.) I may feel like crap in the 300s but I don't start freaking out until I can't get out of the 500s or higher.

But still, the moral of the story is, I have an amazing group of friends, a pretty decent place to work and one hell of a fiance. Oh yeah, also, follow the diabetic motto a little better: Be Prepared.

(BTW, there are two other posts in creation, be sure to check below this one for the other two.)

My Roofie

2008-09-17T02:05:00.003-06:00

The other night me, Mike and Rob were at Mike's house watching Venture Brother's while we waited for Sweet Guy to get off work. He closes most nights.

So as usual there were treats. Mike offered me a few Airhead candy's. Which I've discovered are 14 grams of carbs. I hadn't eaten an Airhead since I was diagnosed Jan. '07. So I had no clue what they do to my BS....

Apparently they knock me out faster than a knock to the back of the head. I munched on three of them and within 20 minutes, I was down for the count. At least until the insulin I had punched in finally hit my system which was a good hour or so later.

I sat up groggily when my BS finally came within decent range again and asked how many episodes I had slept through. They told me and then Mike said to Rob, "See? Roofies!"

I laughed. "What did I miss?"

Rob: "Well once we noticed you were out, Mike made the comment: 'You know. These things are like diabetic roofies. She was out in under twenty minutes.' "

I just laughed. I love how the guys can always find ways to make me giggle about my diabetes. It's never a problem, they know better than to be 'food police'. They're well educated in how it all works so they understand all my jargon. (SWAG has become a part of all of our vocabularies) They know how to test my BS and know where I always keep a stash of sugar... just in case.

When we picked up Sweet Guy from work that night the guys were only too eager to share my 'roofie'. LOL He laughed along with us and jokingly said he'll have to plot how he can use that to his advantage. ;)

Now, on this matter of things that hit me hard. Holy cow, I've been finding things that I just can't eat without finding myself sound asleep within the hour even with a proper bolus of insulin, unless I fight to stay awake.

Pasta knocks me flat out for a couple of hours. Potatoes are hard. Regular pop or juice are really hard on me. I drink them very sparingly. White bread is a pain.

My personal favorite is ice cream. hehe, if I ever want to get drunk, I don't need alcohol, just a tub of ice cream and I'm good to go. I get extremely goofy, like a funny drunk, 'pass out' (more like get really tired and curl up for a nap) and then wake up with a hang over and have to pee like no body's business. If that isn't getting drunk, I don't know what is. (BTW, I don't drink and never will so I'll never know what it's like to be actually drunk, but if I were to guess, I'd guess it'd be similar to my ice cream experiences.)

I Live!!

2008-09-14T19:52:00.004-06:00

Why do I always feel the need to apologize at the beginning of all my posts lately? Oh right... because I'm never on any more. Seriously, I've had people wondering if I'm doing okay. I am... I'm doing great. I'm just ridiculously busy. As in, more busy than I have ever been in my life. It might have something to do with getting married in under 100 freaking days. -giggle- :)

So an update. Um... Basically, I got the apartment with an awesome roommate. I am employed at the "Oh so wonderful" Wally World (Wal-Mart). Hey, it's a job, and I have rent to pay, a wedding band to buy, medical to pay... it goes on, yeah, I'm officially joining this club called adulthood. ;) I'm going to get into management as soon as I can.

Sweet Guy is going to get a promotion by the end of the month, moving into an employment class that offers insurance. So we'll have insurance for me. That's a good thing. We've put in for married student housing. We should get notification by November and I'll move in at the first of December.

Let's see, what else... Hmmm, just keeping myself busy, helping Sweet Guy with his 14 credit hours, 35 hour work weeks, keeping both of us up with friends and staying sane on top of it all. My diabetes took a bit of a back burner for a short while but now that I finally have a job, I'm getting back into the swing of testing regularly and watching my numbers closely again.

I'm just enjoying having a social life again, gossiping with my friends (even all my poor guy friends, since most of my friends are guys) about wedding reception plans and ideas. I've done a little dress browsing with a girlfriend. But I'm waiting till my mom has a little time so she and I can go properly looking.

I've been trying to figure out what kind of band to get Sweet Guy, I just can't decide and he really doesn't have a preference. We're working on getting my engagement ring and wedding band, we've had trouble with the ring company. Yes, I am very excited to be able to show friends something shiny from Sweet Guy. No, I'm not that shallow, but I am ADOS.... Attention Defacit- Oh Shiny!!!! hehe I like shiny. (Yes I am being a bit ridiculous, why you ask?)

Humm.... what else, what else. Well so far, we've found a washer and a dryer, but that's about it as far as furnishings for our apartment. We'll probably hit up Deseret Industries (D.I., it's like Salvation Army or Goodwill, except the L.D.S. version.) for further furniture.

I think that's about it for now, I'm gonna crash for now and catch you all on the flip side.

I'm Engaged!

2008-08-15T15:07:00.001-06:00

Hey, I've been trying to figure out how to say this, I've dreamed up wonderful posts describing everything, I've had flippant and funny ways to say it, but I realized, I just don't have much more than a moment to sit down and write the blog just how I want right now. So here’s the story barely edited and nearly entirely raw.

The basics, this Sweet Guy I am always talking about on here. Well he and I have been discussing getting married in May ‘09 for quite a while (read: months). We just wanted to get through the next school year and one of us needed to find insurance (mostly for my diabetes) before we could get married which usually means a full time job. Which is rather challenging during school. But as things would happen, my financial aid fell through, so I cannot afford school this year, which means I lost my school housing in Logan too. So between last Monday and today, I very luckily found an apartment within walking distance of Sweet Guy (remember Logan is a college town and he lives on campus, VERY LUCKY, school starts on the 25th), turned in an application and was accepted (again lucky because another girl had already applied for the same room), signed the contract, emailed that off and have paid my deposit and first rent. I’m putting in any online job applications I can find. And I’ve gotten engaged. My whole life seems to have changed direction faster than I had originally planned.

Continue for detail on engagement stuffs.

On Tuesday morning, around 2am, we were chatting on MSN, Sweet Guy asked me a question:

Sweet Guy: Would you rather get married sooner?
Jess: Want an honest answer?
Sweet Guy: Yes
Jess: Hell yes.

(I have told him this counts his proposal, he says he doesn't care, he's still going to do it properly.)
:)

It may not seem the most profound thing to many others, but to me, it's unforgettable.

We moved the wedding date up to December and went to bed after deciding that we'd talk to our families and that if we didn’t sleep soon, we’d probably have heart attacks from excitement.

When we both told our parents and I told my grandparents, I think they ALL smiled or chuckled. They had known we'd never keep the date in May. And his parents had actually been wondering if it would be December we moved the date to. So it looks like Sweet Guy and I were the most surprised parties. (It seems most friends who are ever around us believed the same.)

I talked to his Mom that afternoon after I got home from work. She said Sweet Guy's feet hadn't touched the floor since he woke up. He was just floating through the house. :) I have to admit; I still haven't found the floor. I'm stuck on cloud 9.

Tuesday night, Sweet Guy set up conference call between himself, my parents and me. (Since I'm in Delta, he's in West Jordan and my parents are in Malad, we’re a little spread between Utah and Idaho.) I watched him over the web cam and listened to him as he talked. I swear I've never heard him stutter so much or seen sweat go down his forehead like that before, but he took a deep breath anyway and asked my Dad for permission to have my hand in marriage. And he survived.

Since Sweet Guy's in West Jordan and I'm in Delta (two hours apart through the middle of nowhere), he hasn't had the opportunity to get down on his knee and propose but he's working on that. But we decided to label ourselves Engaged anyway, we’ll need all of the four months we have to plan a wedding and we just couldn't wait to tell people our news. And of course, the first thing we did was go change our Facebook status. LOL.

So up to this point, we've set a date, December 20, 2008. We've set a place, the Salt Lake City LDS Temple. And most everything else is still in the works.

Sweet Guy and I are still trying to believe that this isn't just a dream; I've pinched myself more than once just to be sure.

So there’s the news in a huge nutshell. I’m working on packing to move back to Logan right now and fielding emails, phone calls, and Facebook messages as best I can. Leave me a note but just be aware it may take me a little time to get back to you.

On a side note, I swear getting engaged has cured my diabetes. (Grandpa says it wasn’t diabetes, it was single-itis.) I’m not kidding, I seriously haven’t had any high blood sugars; I think the highest I’ve been since Tuesday was 125. Now on the flipside, I’ve had low after low rain down on me at work, at home, everywhere, I’ve drunk so much juice I never want to look at it again. And I’ve taken nearly no bolus insulin, I'm living off basal, it is freaky. If anyone has any idea’s about this please help. Thanks.

(And yeah, I do remember that a side affect of Sweet Guy is going low but.... there's two hours of desert between us, I mean come on. ;))

And now, I’ll go back to my insane life and hope to be back soon.

5 am Meandering

2008-07-22T05:07:00.005-06:00

-yawn- Hey, it's 5 in the morning I haven't slept since yesterday morning... Why don't I blog? ;) That should put me right to sleep.

Just some random meandering of thoughts. Not a lot has been going on since I last popped on here. Working, listening to music, attempting to study, keeping up with family and friends. Just got invited to one of my high school friend's wedding receptions. I think that's 7 of the people from my grade of 71 that are now married or are engaged. That's 10%, kind of impressed.

But I've just been keeping up with everything as best I can through Facebook. Love that place.

But sometimes I get to thinking about random things, like... do all my friends that I don't talk to understand those Facebook status' that say I'm so high I can't see straight? They all know I'd never do drugs but they've gotta be scratching their heads trying to figure out what the heck I mean.

I mean, if you ever spend any time with me, you can't help but know I'm diabetic. But these people on Facebook, most don't know word one about diabetes.

I often have to catch myself when talking to them. A frequent question is how are you feeling today? Well my autopilot response usually involves something about my blood sugar numbers in between all the drama and boring fluff. I forget that they don't live with diabetes, that they don't automatically know exactly what I'm talking about.

There are very few friends who actually know exactly what I mean when I say I'm 55. The normal response is, "Is that ok?" or "Oh, that's good, right?" Very few people understand why I let out a yippee when my meter reads anything between 90 and 100. They don't understand my urge to share such wonderful numbers. They're just numbers to them. To me, they're much more. I try to just see them as status reports but I usually worry about what each out-of-range number is doing to my future health. They don't get why I groan when I see anything over 150.

Though, I've gotta say, I really appreciate that people around me do try to learn. They'll ask for what the range of good numbers are, they'll ask what a certain number makes me feel like.

There is one person who knows what all my numbers almost as well as I do, and he's getting talented at carb counts too. Yeah, I'm talking about that person I never stop talking about. ;) Sweet Guy, my boyfriend and best friend. The guy picked up the diabetes learning curve from the day he met me and ran with it.

He cheers me on when I'm down because of a really bad d-day, he helps me study my blood sugar charts, helps me bounce ideas to figure out why my latest BS average is nothing but BS. I definitely earned my name Lucky when I ran into this guy. And he has never lost the Sweet part of his name.

And if you're really curious as to what you might see me doing if you peeked into my life, you'd most likely find me chatting with him on MSN. You know, I haven't seen him in two months now. And I really hope I'm not causing too much eye rolling in whoever may be reading this. But I don't have a ton of diabetes stuff right now.

I've finally found an infusion set site that hasn't melted off yet. Top butt cheek. -shrug- I couldn't tell you why, but it has definitely stayed the week instead of sweating off the first day.

Other diabetes stuff, in my Primary Sunday school classes, it has become an event to watch Jessica test her blood sugar. I needed to do it once in class and they've been forever fascinated since. They all want a turn to poke the teacher. ;) One of my little students has started watching me in sacrament to see if I test my blood sugar. And then when we get to our classes, she proudly tells me that she saw me.. And that it was so cool, but still gross because "You licked off your finger... again, that's just yucky Jess." I love these kids, I teach about five 5 year old girls in my little class. A while back, when they asked me to explain why I had to test my blood sugar, they all accused me of being a liar when I explained that they had a pancreas. "We do not!! That's gross!! You must be lying teacher. I can't have a pancreas." Oh well, they all know I have Type 1 Diabetes and that I have to test my blood sugar to make sure I'm feeling good and that I have to have my pump to keep me healthy. (that's what they tell all the other kids not in my class) And of course that it's all very gross. I don't understand that, but it still makes me laugh when they all gather around to watch me test and then it's just hilarious the way all ten eyes watch my finger as I bring it up to lick it off. And then the subsequent groan "Ewwww", I've never left that class with anything less than a huge grin plastered on my face.

What else. Hmm, well I'm making a trip up to Malad next weekend with Sweet Guy. Gonna stay at my parent's house for the weekend and then go to Logan on Monday for a doctor's appointment with a new doctor. (YAY for finally having a driver's license!!) My last doctor decided to focus entirely on pediatrics and dropped all of his internal medicine patients. I'm hoping this new Doctor is good. I can't wait until I actually have the means to see an Endocrinologist. My last A1c was 7.1%. Not bad, but I want better but I'm not exactly sure how to change what I do. But anyway, for now, I'll just keep going to the docs that are close by so I can get my prescriptions and such.

Anyway, I should probably make another attempt at getting a little sleep. If you got this far down the post, kudos to you. I'm impressed. If you have any comments or want to know something, leave me a comment or question. I'll get you an answer asap.

tata. ;)

Five for Adults, Four for Kids

2008-07-04T07:40:00.012-06:00

"Hey Jess, you still want to go to breakfast?"

I grunted at Grandpa, something affirmative sounding. Heck, it 6:50 am.

So I rolled out of bed, threw on some clothes and tested real quick before I followed him out the door.

Last night we had decided that when he got home from his graveyard shift, we'd hit the breakfast Delta was putting on for Independence Day.

They were just starting to assemble everything as we got there, but the food was hot and ready.

We walked up to pay for our breakfasts.

"Hey guys, it's five dollars for adults and four dollars for kids." He said looking at the two of us.

"Well I'm the kid and she's the adult so here's 10 dollars. Keep the change." Grandpa said giving me a cheeky grin.

The man had already pulled out a dollar change and was trying to hand it to Grandpa. This is when I finally spoke up. "I am 19 and a sophomore in college, does that count as being an adult?"

He looked at me like I'd sprouted a set of whiskers. I just smiled at him before Grandpa and I turned to get our breakfasts.

He mumbled, "I guess that would qualify you." before he slipped the dollar back in the tray with a slight flush.

I'm starting to wonder if I'll be 40 before people actually think I'm even 18. It has been a couple of years since I was handed a 10 and under menu.

;)

{Edit: Like Grandma Specht emailed me, I am enjoying this. haha, I just found it quite funny and had to share.}

One Hot Diabetic

2008-07-03T11:20:00.005-06:00

As it heats up here in Delta, I notice that my body reacts differently to my diabetes care. It is normal for me and Tasha to be working in 90 -100 degree weather for most of the day. Some changes I've had to make in my care and things I've learned:

I have to be sure to use less insulin when the temperatures spike because the heat makes me warmer, causing the insulin to work faster. Coupled with the physical work, I only need half the insulin for most of my meals during the work day.

Lows are almost inevitable when you are working your butt off in the high heat. I thought I'd just carry around a bottle of orange juice to treat lows. Well Jessica (me, obviously) learned that orange juice tastes REALLY bad if it is left opened in her backpack for a couple of days. Apparently it does go bad. I also learned, (I know this is gross but it was a learning experience) that orange juice that has gone bad will still raise a low blood sugar. (What? I didn't have anything else with me.) It'll just make your stomach churn as well.

I learned that carrying a small 12 oz. re-closable bottle of pop is better, pop doesn't go bad, it just goes flat.

When you are pulling hoses all day make sure your pump site is somewhere it'll not have hose dragging across it. The hose will rub it off no matter how much tape you put over top of it.

On that same note, Make sure your pump is secure and inside your pocket. If it's hanging off your pocket or belt, the hose will catch it and tear it off, causing you to have a flying pump that loves to try to pull your site out again as it swings in and out of your reach.

You cannot skip meals at all when working hard, it causes more lows. I've tried a few times and every time has ended with me having to stop and nurse my low.

Another reason to have your pump secure: When scaling fences to reach the backyard, you don't want it flying out and landing underneath you as you fall flat on your butt because you are as graceful as me and have yet to land on your feet when jumping a fence.

Water is incredibly critical, if I don't keep hydrated I've noticed my bloodsugars seem to swing with the stress. I haven't the slightest clue why but that's what happens.

Since I walk everywhere all day, I make sure to check my feet carefully every night for any bruises or blisters. Also, in the morning I make extra certain that my socks aren't wrinkled so I can avoid having sore spots.

Another one I don't know the reason for: Adequate sleep is critical. Swinging bloodsugars are directly affected by the amount of sleep gotten the night before. So I've found I need at least 7 hours of sleep.

I've learned a lot more than this but the most important thing is that there is no set formula, every single day will throw something different at me. So checking my blood sugar every 2 hours is nearly essential.

So I've got to head back out and continue melting my pants right off my butt. Cy'all later.

I Am Not Lazy, I Am Tired.

2008-06-17T18:06:00.005-06:00

Today was another day the weather didn't cooperate with us so work was canceled for most of the day. I was able to sleep in. Catch up on sleep and re energize a bit.

Grandma came in at around 11:30 telling my to get my lazy bum out of bed. The "lazy" caught my attention and stung. She is not the first person to call me lazy. A couple of mornings ago my aunt said something similar. Now, I know most people say that in fun. Just being funny but enough honestly believe I'm just plain lazy, that it's starting to bother me. Roommates, brothers, family and friends think me lazy because when I'm not running a million miles an hour people usually find me knocked out on a couch, floor or where ever I sat down to rest.

I am becoming irritated with this assumption. I sleep because I am dead tired. Because I cannot keep my eyes open and have lost all concentration. I sleep to refuel so I am able to keep up with others and to do as much as I can. I do work hard. You may not see everything I do but I am doing it and it wears me down fast.

It drives me nuts that I wear out so fast and need to sleep and rest as often as I do. I am always tired. I am never not. I can only conclude that it must be attributed to my diabetes. I did not feel like this before I got diabetes. My numbers are always in flux, bouncing daily from the low sixties to the high 200s on many days. I have not figured out how to smooth out the instability, I'm working on it. But it wears me out. The only way I can keep up is to sleep and restore a bit of energy.

I identify with The Spoon Theory. (I would highly recommend clicking on the link if you are not familiar with the story) I may not have Lupus but I am rarely not tired and must pick and choose what I can do. When I don't, I feel the consequences.

So next time you come across me, fallen asleep on the couch or sleeping longer than you think I need to, please leave me be. I need it.

Helping. I Love It.

2008-06-12T12:15:00.009-06:00

On Tuesday I went to a church Primary activity to see if I could help out. I didn't have work so I had the time. After we had sent the children home and we were cleaning up the Gym. The woman who was in charge came over to thank me.
"I appreciate the help, it's nice that you came." She thanked me.

"No prob, I had nothing else to do anyway."

"So I couldn't help but notice that you are diabetic." She pointed at my pump.

"Yeah, I love this thing. Makes life a lot easier." I grinned, I always love to brag about my pump.

"My niece just got one last week. We're hoping it helps her a lot. So what do you like about it?"

We jabber jawed a bit about diabetes and then switched to talking about who I am related to here in Delta. Like everyone else in Delta, she instantly knew my Grandparents and told me which of my aunts and uncles she went to school with.

When we had finished cleaning up I offered her my cell phone number just in case her sister ever needed some advice on using the pump or on Diabetes in general.

So this morning about 10 minutes after the 8 am phone call from my boss saying that we weren't working today, I got a call from the woman I had spoken with. I rolled back out of bed and answered the phone.

"Hey Jess? Could I ask you a favor? I'm babysitting my niece today and her infusion site pulled out and I can't figure out how to put in a new one."

"Sure, where you at?"

She gave me directions and I got over there as fast as I could. When I got there, Both Grandma's and a couple of aunts were gathered around the little girl, worried. I think the little girl is around 4 years old. Cute little girl. They showed me all the supplies and handed me the instruction book. They were telling about the night they'd had. Last night she had been so high the meter couldn't read her number and then she woke up this morning at 54. Sounds A LOT like my first few weeks on the pump. It took me a while to get used to it too. They showed me the site that had pulled out, asking if it were kinked, It was kinked right in the middle. So that explained why she had been so high the night before.

After about 20 minutes of fiddling with the site inserter I finally figured it out. The girl's pump is an Animas versus my Medtronic Paradigm. So it took me a bit to figure out I had to pull the tubing out before I could cock the inserter. But we finally got it done and got her arm cleaned off and that girl impressed me a lot. I know that it doesn't hurt to put a site in but she didn't even flinch when I told her that I was about to put it in. She was too engrossed in the juice she was sipping on. After about another 10 minutes I finally soldiered through the menu's and got her pump primed and running again. So after being badgered with thanks, I told them it was no problem and told them to call me if they ever needed help again or just wanted to talk.

I'm glad I went to that Primary activity on a lark, I'm glad I basically forced my cell number on her, (I'm a little awkward sometimes when exchanging information.) And I'm glad work was canceled so I could help out.

I feel good.

Evasion ID

2008-06-06T17:18:00.005-06:00

Austin Cooper's website, Evasion ID, was brought to my attention yesterday and I have checked it out. I'm impressed. He is selling leather Type 1 Diabetic ID bracelets.

They look sturdy and Austin returned my email telling me that they are quite sturdy so I've bought myself a white thin bracelet. The price is quite unbeatable too. $19 for a thin bracelet and $24 for a thick. I'd recomend checking them out. I'm sure they'll appeal to guys more than gals but they look good.

I'll be sure to post as to how well it holds up this summer with my job.

Taking Care Of Eight.

2008-06-06T16:56:00.002-06:00

No I'm not referring to the amount of kids the average LDS family has.
I'm referring to number eight on my Randomly Weird list. I just went and took the written part of my driver's test. I passed, missing two questions, giving me a 96%. So now all I need to do is pass Driver's Ed and I'm set to go. Woot!

10 Randomly Weird

2008-06-05T15:01:00.003-06:00

Alright, I've finally got time to sit down and do this.

Once you've been tagged, you write a post with 10 weird, random facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 new victims to be tagged, list their names, and why you tagged them. Don't forget to leave them a comment saying ('You're It!') and to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you (Jeff, in my case,) so, let me know when you are done so that I can go read your blog answers. Here are my ten:

1. I am a chronic chatter. I have over 70 contacts between Google Chat and Windows Live (MSN) and then there's Facebook chat. I guess that would be about 130 contacts there. If I'm not at work or I'm not running errands, I'm glued to my computer, chatting. I usually have around 8 chats going at the same time. What's really a challenge is when someone then calls me on the phone or comes into my room to talk to me. THAT is difficult. So if you want to chat with me, I'm almost always online.

2. Hmm, I'm a cataholic too. Seriously, my first word I've been told was 'Meow'. I love cats to a fault. As soon as I have a home I can have cats in, I'll have one. My whole life I've had a cat as long as I can remember. My time at college was sad without a cat. I wish they'd let us keep cats in the dorms.

3. What else?...I like to collect baseball caps, it's not that weird, it's just something I do. Not only do I collect them but I wear them nearly non-stop. I always get surprised comments on days that I'm not wearing a cap.

4. A goal of mine is to collect enough books to make a library in my home someday. I'm a bookaholic too. (If you haven't picked up on it, I get addicted to things very easily.) Just a couple of nights ago I read through a whole night's worth of sleep just to finish a book.

5. I've always wanted to be an astronaut, I was set to go into the military but then I was diagnosed a week after meeting with the recruiter. But anyway, since third grade, I had always wanted to be an astronomer and an astrophysicist. So I was going to join the military, get my schooling in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering first so I could be a mission specialist and then I'd go back and get my second degree in Astrophysics.

6. Odd fact: I don't have a real home address at the moment. When I'm asked for my address I usually give my grandparent's address at the moment but I'm only here for the summer. I can't use my apartment at the moment because that's in Logan. And my parent's address is in Idaho and even further away.

7. I have the weirdest hang up (as AA called it) in the world. It drives me nearly batty when two surfaces with texture rub or scratch against each other. Like feet across carpet or two paper towels rubbing against each other. Literally sends a shiver right down my back so bad I kinda spaz. Just thinking about it can do it. I was reading something on the plane up to Seattle and there were some things doing just that and I shook so bad that my seat mates stared at me for a full minute. I just pretended it didn't happen. (Yes, I am incredibly weird)

8. I'm 19 years old and have never taken driver's ed. I'm taking it this summer.

9. Sweet Guy has accused me of having a technology fetish because when I'm asleep in my bed you can always find my Mp3 player, my laptop, my cell phone and of course my insulin pump. :D I've had more than one morning where I wake up wrapped up in four different wires. Pump, laptop power cord, cell phone charger and headphones.

10. I have classified having an Mp3 player as a need not a want now. Anywhere you find me, you'll find that I either have my laptop playing music or my ears stuffed with my Mp3 player. I need music more than a Druggie needs their next fix. lol I'm just a bit addicted. So if you want to get my attention and I'm not answering, check my ears for ear buds. I'm not ignoring you, I just can't hear you.

Well if you read this and you have a blog, you're tagged. It's the honor system to let me know if you've read it and you're going to do it.

Ever been eaten by a chair? I have.

2008-05-21T22:30:00.004-06:00

OH cripes I can't stop laughing. I just got eaten by a chair. :D
BTW, before I go on time to catch up again. I'm up in the Seattle area visiting my Grandma Specht for a week. Totally surprised her, she didn't know I was coming but she had no prob with a surprise guest. So I'll be here until Saturday. Fun fun.

So the funny, Grandma, my cousin, Awesome Aunt and I were watching Indiana Jones tonight and I was lounging in the La-Z-Boy chair during the whole movie. I had it leaned back and my feet up on When the movie was over I got up to pull the DVD out but I found I couldn't get out of the chair. My pump was stuck. I followed the line to the pump. It had slipped out of my pocket all the way down into the mechanism of the chair and my hands were too big to reach down in. I sat there for five minutes trying to reach it before I thought to disconnect and pry the cushions open while Awesome Aunt dug in there. It took us a couple of minutes but we got it out.

BTW, I'll try to get to that meme I was tagged for as soon as I can. Kinda busy this week.

Delta, A Job, And A New Family

2008-05-07T14:29:00.006-06:00

I have a couple posts sitting unfinished but I'm just going to make a new one. Let me just briefly update you.

Finals got finished on last Thursday. I passed all my finals with flying colors and passed all my classes.

I moved to my grandparents place in Delta, Utah for the summer.

I've got a job moving hose for a weed and feed, and bug killer company. The pay is great. Probably the best I could find here. Delta's a tiny bit bigger than Malad, my hometown. It has a population of about 3,500. I'm glad to have gotten the job. I'm a little worried because it's very physical work. We work about 8-10 hours a day and the average temp here in Delta will be about 100 degrees as we get further into the summer. On my first day, I didn't have any trouble at all. Blood sugars were between 95 and 180. I'm not going to argue with that. Today we got blown out so we couldn't go spray. If the wind goes over 10 mph we can't spray. It's gusting at 15 mph right now. I've gotta say, I already love the people I'm working with. The girl I'm going to be working with most is pretty awesome. They had no problem with my having diabetes. They had questions but they're fine with it all. In fact, Tasha, the person I'm working with is hypoglycemic so she understands lows pretty well.

Since I'm living with a new 'family' now. As in, I'm not living with my the family that understands my diabetes and me best, they being my college roommates, my friends and that ever loving Sweet Guy. I've talked to both my grandparents about the symptoms of my lows. What I'm like when I'm low and how to help me. I reassured them that I've almost always been able to take care of my lows so there's nothing to really worry about. I've just asked them to poke me if I'm acting weird and ask me if I have tested lately and then to ask me to please test.

Grandpa has Type 2 diabetes so he kinda knows what to do but he's only had 2 or 3 lows since he was diagnosed. And his all time low was 72. Kinda not much when you compare it to my 28. So that's taken care of.

Let's see what else?

Sweet Guy and I are about 2 hours driving distance from each other for the summer. He lives in West Jordan, near Salt Lake City. We're keeping in touch through MSN IM and Skype. It made me laugh on Monday. I had called him and while I was talking to him, I had two cousins, two aunts and my grandpa come in a chat with me. Sweet Guy said he'd try to call me when I'm not so popular and busy. lol That is rare indeed. Today is the first day in a long time where I've had nothing to do other than keep my sick cousin company while her mom is at work. So I figured I'd get on here and actually update my blog.

Oh... I just remembered. I got a calling in church. Grandpa volunteered me to be a substitute Primary sunday school teacher. I accepted. I hope I do ok.

I can't find any decent pics of Delta to share. I updated my profile picture, that was taken in the park here in Delta by my aunt.

I've been dealing with Dawn Phenomena for the past few weeks. I didn't have time to tinker with it during finals so I'm going to see what I can do now to fix my basal rate in the morning so I don't wake up to 180 BS's in the mornings anymore. Other than my fasting blood sugar, all of my numbers have been between 85 and about 190 all week. Most of my numbers being in the low 100s. So I'm happy with that.

Well I think I'm gonna go snooze. Hope to hear from you if you haven't given up on my blog.

A Klutzy True Aggie

2008-04-19T11:51:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was A-Day. One of two days during the year that a USU student can become a True Aggie (official USU page on True Aggies) without kissing another True Aggie (link to an old article). Neither Sweet Guy nor I were True Aggies so last night, at midnight, we went up to the Block A with tons of other couples. We made our way through the huge line up to the Block A. He and I had practiced what we were going to do. He was going to dip me and we'd pose briefly for a picture. Not quite what happened.

I spent all day being very careful with my numbers in hopes that I wouldn't have any hitches for "the kiss". Well we had pizza for dinner and I thought I had done the Dual bolus right so that I wouldn't have a low. 5 minutes before we were going to leave to go to the A, I checked my blood sugar because I was starting to get sweaty and it said 54. Dagnabit! I had really been trying to avoid that. So I chugged some pop and then we ran over.

When it was our turn to kiss, my heart was pounding like nuts. Have I ever mentioned that I get stage fright real bad? Well, I do. Jess' nerves + Recovering low = Really funny. We climbed up, he dipped me and for some reason I couldn't figure out which way he was going. Therefore I ended up going the completely wrong way and I ended up between his legs and nearly slid off the A. Luckily Sweet Guy was holding on tight so I didn't go anywhere. It was just the most awkward kiss, ever. I turned bright red and started laughing from so royally going the wrong way. But we got a decent cheer before we jumped off the A, so I guess it didn't look that bad.

It may have been incredibly awkward but it'll probably be one of my favorite memories here at USU. It's classic Jess. Ever the klutz.

BTW, anyone who understands Dungeons and Dragons, Sweet Guy and our friends said that I rolled natural 1 on 'Perform Kiss', or in old DnD terms. I fumbled my action. So true.

Twitter weather.

2008-04-15T12:54:00.003-06:00

This is my twitter from yesterday:

Woke up to a not so nice 171 and lovely cotton mouth. Time for class. 09:03 AM April 14, 2008
Class, cotton mouth is receding. Yay. 09:33 AM April 14, 2008
Just tested. Sunny 95. :) Class was pretty interesting. Next class at 12:30. 11:13 AM April 14, 2008
Jeans are rubbing my site something awful. Grumble. Off to CIL tests. 11:26 AM April 14, 2008
Still holding steady. Feeling a bit hungry, though. Probably ought to do something about that. 12:04 PM April 14, 2008
Thought I had nailed my lunch. Nope, missed it and ended up with a 200. Now at a nice 84. about 21 hours ago
That 84 is going to drop seeing as I have .5 units of active insulin. Gonna grab an actual lunch. Oatmeal!! about 20 hours ago
Watching the brothers. Let's see how high my BS climbs from stress. And the pizza parents provided. about 17 hours ago
Sitting at 92 now. Almost 100. Dang. about 17 hours ago
Nice 114 to end the night. Cyall in the later am. about 11 hours ago

Blood Sugars:

9:01 am: 171

11:07 am: 95

12:10 pm: 83

2:11 pm: 200

3:56 pm: 84

7:25 pm: 94

12:26 am: 114

Yesterday I twittered as much as I could and tested when I could. It was a busy day. The 200 was from underestimating a snack/lunch. I was very happy with the numbers I had after pizza last night. Unfortunately I think the pizza may be affecting me today because my lowest number so far has been 139.

Anyway. Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous. Mid 70s all day with a light breeze. Blue skies. Picture the most beautiful sunny day and that's what yesterday was. Just amazing. I'm seriously getting Spring Fever.

Guess what it's doing now. It's snowing. Not little flakes either. Big huge flakes that are sticking to everything. I can't wait for snow to be done. I love snow just not so close to my birthday. Anyway... I've gotta run to class.

Twitter awareness

2008-04-14T11:24:00.002-06:00

I'm going to be Twittering as often as I can to let you see into my daily life. I'll put them all into a post tomorrow.

Happy Type 1 Diabetes awareness day!

And happy happy birthday Mom!!!!

Procrastination

2008-04-10T13:44:00.004-06:00

Please don't ever do to yourself what I did. Yesterday I finally logged my blood sugars. It had been since February 8th that I had last recorded them. One thing I love about having an Accu-chek Aviva. It holds 500 results. Very useful when you are like me and just can't find the time (or just procrastinate like a pro) to log them every week.

But anyway, it took me like 2.5 hours to get them all put into Sugar Stats. Definitely don't want to do that again. Maybe I'll make it a habit of logging them every weekend and then posting my new weeks average. That'd guarantee at least one post a week. ;) haha.

Right now my 30 day average is 133 and my 7 day average is 120. I'm pretty happy with that. I'd really like to try to get my A1c even lower than my 6.7. I'm not complaining about that. In fact, I love it to pieces I just want to try a little harder. For those I love.

Um... I have a funny from today. In karate we were doing side kicks in a circle. Just going back and forth between right and left leg. Well I was really getting into it. Kicking with vigor, kinda jumping into the kick to give it extra force. Well on the very last kick I put my all into it. The next thing I knew, I was lying flat on my back. I had kicked so hard I had lost my footing. I was laughing so hard I could barely breath. I think it was probably one of those you-have-to-be-there moments.

Anyway, ttfn.

Stability? What's That?

2008-04-08T13:01:00.004-06:00

So yeah, I say I'm doing great. Diabetes isn't bothering me that much. And then I get hit by two lows in one day. One's that I didn't feel until after I started treating them. And one's I only caught because someone else asked me to test.

I was at Sweet Guy's yesterday watching Bleach and my two hour alarm went off on my pump and I ignored because I felt fine. Didn't see the need to test because I was pretty confidant that I had gotten my correction right. I had woken up at 236 mg/dl or something like that and had taken what I needed to bring it down. Well Sweet Guy asked me to not ignore it this time. He pushed me a bit to test. I tested and I was at 48 mg/dl. I didn't even feel it. And since I've been running low on my sugar stash (thanks for the jelly beans today, parents) Sweet Guy grabbed some sugared blueberries off his dresser and just gave me the bag. Telling me to just eat them. I ate a good quarter cup for about 40 grams of carbs. Then I started feeling the affects. I started tremoring, felt really out of it. Sweet Guy just held me. I guess I didn't look that great because he kept saying "Don't pass out on me, Jess." I tested about 20 minutes later and got a nice pretty 50 mg/dl. Grumble. Ate more. Finally got back up to an actually nice number of 100 mg/dl. I'm not sure why I didn't feel this at all until I started dealing with it. And then it just hit me like "a brick of tons" and then "bricks of ton". Or at least that's what I told Sweet Guy. I could not get words out to save my life.

Sweet Guy asked me what would have happened if he hadn't asked me to test. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I think my liver would have kicked in some glucose. But as ragged as I've been running lately, I'm not sure if I had the store in my liver at that time. Would I have passed out? According to Sweet Guy, I looked like I was going to. I really don't know. I think I would have started feeling the low if I had waited a few more minutes. And then I would have dealt with it. This is getting a little frustrating. I really wish I had the money for a CGM. I know my 6.7 A1c is nice and pretty but it's not from even numbers, it's from lots of lows and lots of highs that counter each other to make that number.

I'm really irritated with not feeling my lows. My mom caught me in one later last night too. I said I was feeling quite off. It was more because of some issues I'm dealing with but she asked nevertheless and I think I was in the 50s. Once again didn't feel it at all. Never really did feel that one. I just dealt with it. Drank juice and got it up.

Sweet Guy has said he worries about me. Says he wants me to be more stable. I know I could test more. That would help but I don't think I can ever find the perfect stability that a pancreas provides. I'm frustrated with this. I hate the feeling of lows. I hate that I have to think about buying sugar that I can't just eat. I have to save it for 'just in case'.

Sorry, it's a rant. I'm just frustrated. I wish I could be stable so that my friends and family don't have to worry about me.

Weird food. Not bad taste.

2008-04-05T22:27:00.003-06:00

Just thought I'd toss this on.
I just threw together Beef Top Ramen, Spinich and a buttload of ketchup. I drained out the liquid and just ate it. It's pretty good. I'd take a picture but I've yet to get a camera. You can imagine what it looks like but I'll throw out my colorful description. It looks like white worm things in grass clippings, all tinted orangeish. Not the most appealing looking but it tastes pretty decent. And it's really cheap. And half way healthy. Lot's of veggies since I used a whole package of spinich for just one package of Ramen.

Anyway, tell me if you try it.

Catch up. (Not ketchup)

2008-04-03T21:23:00.001-06:00

Just popping this down in type. I’ve been crazy busy lately. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I updated. I’ve been busy but haven’t had a ton to write about. Diabetes hasn’t bothered me too much. Had very few lows, almost all of them have been due to Sweet Guy anyway and I’m sure people are getting sick of hearing about the man I have an almost unhealthy obsession with. J/k I just love him to pieces. There’s no obsession here…promise.

Anyway. Um…. School’s been pretty decent. I’m totally enjoying my classes. I’ve decided on what I want to get my Master’s in. I want to be a Vocation Rehabilitation Counselor. The program here at Utah State is ranked 15th in the nation. Although, if you ask a professor they’ll say we’re the best. From what I’ve learned, I’m inclined to agree. The lady in charge is Dr. Julie Smart. Amazing woman. She has like 7 accreditations after her name. I think that means she’s pretty smart and knows what she’s doing. ;)

Now to figure out my Undergraduate. Well, I think I want to go into Family and Consumer Sciences. That, Social Work or plain Psychology are the choices I’m looking into. So I’ll be working on my class schedule for next semester soon.

I’m working on getting a job and a place to live this summer. I’ve grabbed an application from Best Western. I’m also planning to do a lot of volunteering this summer for a place called Common Grounds. They work with people with disabilities making the outdoors accessible to anyone. As a volunteer I get to participate for free and I get to help amazing people. I went to an open house tonight and made fast friends with a man named Devon. He is so cool. He was disabled due to leaking veins in his legs so he’s been told he can’t work anymore. He is full of vim and vigor. He and I yacked for a good two and half hours. Just about everything. He’s told me that he’s going personally make sure I become an expert at fly-fishing. Anyway, before I left he gave me a hug. I haven’t felt quite that happy from just meeting in quite a long time. He made sure to get my promise that I would come back again. Great guy.

I’m so glad that I took SPED 1010. I took it on more of a whim than anything else. I needed more credits and I was interested in learning more about other disabilities. Probably one of the best whims I ever went with. Because of this class I’ve figured out where I want to go. Because of this class my eyes have been opened. I’m learning so much. I wish I could just jump straight into the Master’s program. I really don’t want to do my generals. Mer. I’ll live though. It’s just gonna take forever because I don’t dare take more than 12 credits at a time. I’ve learned over these last couple of semesters that I can’t take more than that. So I’ll probably be done in about 6 years. Sweet Guy will probably finish with his Ph.D around the same time as me. We’re not sure the timing yet. Hmm Sweet Guy popped in again. Dang him for always being on my mind. LOL

On Monday he asked me if he could interview me for one of his assignments. He needed to interview someone of a minority or someone with a disability. Seeing as his girlfriend had Diabetes he decided on that. I think that is so cool. Among the many questions he asked, Sweet Guy asked what drove me nuts the most about other people and my Diabetes. I explained that it drives me nuts when people look over my shoulder at my BG numbers. If I want to share, I’ll show you. He’s done that to me a lot. I explained how it makes me feel uncomfortable and even guilty if my number isn’t perfect when he looks. He said he had no idea and said that he’ll be patient and wait to see if I’m going to share. Through his interview, he learned a lot. I really appreciated him taking the time and listening to everything I had to say.

Hmm. What else can I bore you with talk about mindlessly? I think I’m going crazy but I’m loving every minute of it. Hopefully my next check in won’t be so far away. But I imagine it’s going to be a bit. Maybe I should pull myself off the Lazy Blogger list. I just can’t come up with the time or the material every three days. I’m too busy doing stuff that is too boring to blog about. So if you actually read this whole thing, good for you, you just built a great amount of patience. Cya.

Low Power.

2008-03-18T22:32:00.007-06:00

There are very few things I hate more than being out of control of myself. I'm very independent and hate depending on others for help. I hate being a burden to others. I want to help people, make their lives easier, not cause stress and worry.

Last night I had a persistent low while I was over at Sweet Guy's apartment. He was working on a report and I was sitting right next to him on the couch watching V for Vendetta with our other friends who were over. Towards the end of the movie I felt a low coming on. I had eaten some ice cream so I figured that I had miscalculated a little in my timing and that it would be coming back up. I was only at 74 so I just decided to wait it out. I had looked through my backpack real quick and I didn't have any sugar on me anyway. I had used my pop the day before and forgotten to put a new one in.

Slowly I noticed that I was going lower, it was becoming harder to understand what the guys were saying around me. They sounded like just a bunch of mushy sounds all around me. I had no problem focusing on the movie, though. This confuses me a little but anyway. I could feel a little bit of that 'low' floating feeling starting. I could also feel a few beads of sweat on my forehead and I was slightly trembling. I kept telling myself to grab my tester but I couldn't seem to do it. It took me 10 minutes to focus enough to grab it. I couldn't get my body to respond to what I was telling it to do. I finally was able to grab my meter which was sitting right next to me and clumsily test. I was having so much trouble sipping the blood into the test strip that my fingertip was bloody smear by the time I was done. But I was keeping it down below everyone's line of sight. I didn't want them to see I was struggling. Stupid, I know, I do weird things when I'm low.

I was at 57. I told myself that I needed to ask Sweet Guy for some sugar but I just couldn't get the words to form. I couldn't say that I needed help so I just sat there right in the middle of everyone sitting right next to Sweet Guy feeling so powerless. Things were feeling a bit more cloudy all I could understand around me was the stupid movie. (I loved the movie but this was frustrating.)

After another ten minutes I finally argued with my arm enough to get it to poke Sweet Guy. All I could get out was, "Do you have any sugar?" He immediately got up and found me some some sugary stuff but that didn't raise my blood sugar. So he sat me down, dug into his food cupboard and sat his whole canister of sugar in my lap and handed me a spoon with the command, "Eat."

I hate lows so much. I feel so powerless sometimes. Most of the time I have no problem saying I need some sugar or just grabbing some myself but sometimes these lows make my thinking so unclear and unreasonable.

Another reason I hate lows is that sometimes they make me emotional. Once I finally got Sweet Guy's attention, I just started tearing up. I couldn't get it to stop. It's frustrating and embarrassing. We were with two other friends. They are pretty good friends but they're not exactly my close friends. I have no problem teaching about diabetes but I'd rather not have those outside my close friends and family see my melt downs.

Lessons learned: It's okay to ask for help. Remember to refill your sugar silly.

Nothing and R & R

2008-03-13T17:03:00.000-06:00

Can I just say how much I love Spring Break? I have been doing whole ton of nothing. I'm going to meander a bit with this post.

I have a confession to make and if anyone chews me out, well, I'll likely laugh. I know it was a bad decision. When I went home to Malad, I kinda forgot something rather important. I nearly forgot my insulin but I remembered that at the last minute.

I forgot my BG meter. I didn't tell anybody because I didn't realize this until the morning after getting home. I didn't want to worry my parents and I didn't want to have to ask for a ride back to Logan because gas is getting ridiculous. So I went blind for four days. I would not recommend it at all. Um.. So yeah, stupid on my part.

Forgetfulness has always been the biggest bane to my self care. I always forget stuff. That is why I love the alarm feature on my pump. VERY useful.

Let's see, what else has been going on. Well on Tuesday I came back to Logan. When I went into my empty apartment my roommates alarm clock was going off. I assume it's been going off since Saturday. After dropping everything off I went over to Sweet Guys apartment and knocked on the door but there was no answer. I went and sat in his building's lobby and sent him email saying I'd be there. I ended up taking a nap and I woke up to Sweet Guy saying my name and my face smooshed on my laptop's keyboard. hehe That's always a beautiful look when your boyfriend is waking you up. Keyboard imprint. :D

But anyway I've just been relaxing with Sweet Guy and the other guys who stayed here for Spring Break. Playing video games, catching up on movies, drinking pop (diet for me) and enjoying Sweet Guy's cooking. Until next time, I disappear into the bliss of doing nothing.

OW!!!! Dang it!

2008-03-08T01:07:00.005-07:00

I just put in a new site and it is killing me. I must have hit something but Dang...

Okay, I didn't finish this last night so here I go to finish it.

My site is still killing me!!! Ahhh! I'm gonna scream. Every time I move my leg or my pants brush against it, it feels like I have a knife tip in my leg. I am seriously thinking about ripping it out the problem is that I only brought one extra site with me. (I'm at home for Spring Break) Obviously, if I replace it and something goes wrong with that one then I'm screwed. :-/
Note to self: Pack more than one extra next time you are staying away from your apartment. Idiot.
Hopefully it stops hurting soon. I slept through it all night but I generally sleep through anything. I have been known to sleep through the fire alarm in my bedroom. And I was just that tired last night.
I had a doctors appointment with my awesome doc yesterday. He's great at helping me figure out what is going on and he lets me bounce ideas off of him. He's not an endo by any stretch of the imagination but he's a great. The nearest Endo is in Ogden last time I checked and I just can't get down there so I stick with my GP.

But anyway, Amazing news, can anybody guess what my last A1c was? It was like an 8.3 and the month before that it was a 10.1. The doctor walked in yesterday and asked how I did it.

"Did what?"
"What have you done differently to drop your A1c so drastically?"
"Um...got a pump that gave me an artificial memory and programmable reminder?"

See, my biggest problem with keeping tight control has always been remembering to take my insulin. Well the pump obviously takes of the background insulin automatically. Then I've got alarms set up to remind me to bolus when I eat. The BG reminders are heaven sent as well. This is the key to my control. And my new A1c is: 6.7!!! Ah! I'm so happy about this. I was actually dancing around and singing a little after my appointment yesterday. I had been hoping for something in the 7s. Actually I had decided I would be very happy with a 7.6. That was my birth weight so I decided that was the number I was going to hope for. I'm happy with what I got.

So in this appointment we also talked about how tired and sick I've been for the last couple of weeks. My body has been yelling at me but I haven't been able to understand it. I've been whole body sore and falling asleep at random times a lot this last week. My doctor and I talked about all that I've been doing and he says I need to cut back in how much I do. I've been running myself into the ground. So this next week I'm going to get some R&R. Yay Spring Break!

So I'm going to return to non blogging. I'm trying to find stuff with substance to blog about, I'll keep looking.

-Edit-

FYI, I figured out why this hurt so bad when I pulled the site a day later. Upon closer examination, I realized that the cannula was bent. It had been sitting in my thigh kinked. I've concluded that that part of my thigh was just too muscular.

Start with the Temple.

2008-03-04T02:01:00.000-07:00

I've been finding it hard to find anything to blog on. If anyone wants to throw a topic at me or ask a question like they did for Jillian, go for it. I'd appreciate it. But yeah, Diabetes has been only a slight beep on the radar.

I got 100% on three of my midterm tests but kinda did poorly on my Public Health midterm. Oh well, life goes on and I'll do better on the next one.

The concert was great. We sounded amazing even though we were iffy at the practice the night before. I love being in all these musical groups. It's so energizing to finally get the musical pieces down and perform together.

Anyway, Saturday was amazing

So Sweet Guy has finally met the hyper Jess. He called me a giggling school girl. LOL That just got me laughing even harder. Saturday was great. Sweet Guy and I both decided that we really needed to fill back up spiritually because we were both drained. So we decided to go to the Logan temple. We spent a good half hour on the temple grounds. The weather was gorgeous, I think it was in the high 40s. In just that half hour, we went from being so worn to being energized and laughing.

We went to go catch the bus and we missed it by like two minutes so we were stuck there for another 30 minutes. It was starting to get a little brisk at this point. We finally got on the bus and half way around the route when we saw some people practicing with swords and shields and wearing armor. We jumped off the bus and joined in. Sweet Guy played with that group until one of the guys noticed me shivering a bit. I was trying to hide it because he was having such a great time but we decided that we probably needed to try to catch the bus. Well we stood at the bus stop for ever and then decided to go ask if we could bum a ride. Just then the bus went by. They said they'd be done in a couple of hours or so but it was really cold and the snow was starting to get bad. We decided to wait and then we saw the bus go by again just as we thought to grab it again. Then we saw it go a different direction and we missed it again. I can't really explain but we just couldn't catch the bus so we were icy cold and drenched before we finally caught a ride back.

We then dried off a bit and laughed out how frozen we were. We could barely move we were that wet and cold. We then ran over to the basement classroom in Mountainview where all the guys were and we played Magic the Gathering for a few hours. Sweet Guy demolished me when I was playing an emperor on one of the teams. Then he had to run to work but me and the guys kept playing for a while. Then we started playing Mow. Man was that a fun game. I enjoyed it incredibly. I can't tell you how it works because the first rule of Mow is to never discuss the rules. It made it a bit difficult at first but you pick up on it and some of the things that you have to do are hilarious. Sweet Guy got back at 9ish and we kept playing Mow until nearly 1am. Then he and I walked home and it was great. We just walked in the snow and stood outside my building for a while talking. I looked up and the moonlight was catching the snow so beautifully. It was a gorgeous night and we were getting snowed on again but we didn't care. We just stood in it and loved every minute of it. Anyway, Lovely day. Starting the day with the Lord made it amazing.

There's your sap and post for the day. I'm sorry I have nothing else, life is busy but nothing to really talk about.

Stamp Act.

2008-03-03T02:07:00.002-07:00

I have a post in the que it just needs to be edited so Ha, you can't stamp me yet cuz this is a post. And no, this doesn't break the first rule because I'm dancing around the topic without actually saying the actual topic. Anyway I need to go to sleep. Look for post sometime tomorrow.

Night y'all.

I Burn Out.

2008-02-28T02:48:00.001-07:00

I burn out. It's what I do. When things get rough and stressful I tend to clam up and pretend there isn't a problem. It isn't healthy, I know. I'm working on it. But yeah, that'd be one reason why I haven't been online. I've been on my gmail religiously but I haven't been reading blogs nor have I been blogging. It's just how I deal. I did it last year when trouble started piling up. This led to very poor diabetes control and poor school work and half-hearted work. I don't know why I do it. When I'm doing well I can handle many stressors and I can get stuff done but you push me too hard and everything just gets shut off and I stop. I keep myself distracted and busy while accomplishing nothing. That doesn't work, now does it?

I've burnt out again but not nearly as bad as last time. A major difference between this time and last are my resources. I have been talking to others about what is going on rather than keeping it to myself. I have turned to my Heavenly Father for help. Between Him and my friends, I have found that I can lean on them briefly while I get my feet back underneath me.

So here I go, midterms out the yin-yang and a band concert tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

Don't Change It, Meme

2008-02-26T01:03:00.004-07:00

I filled this out last Friday. I can't think of anything to blog about. It's been a crummy week and I don't feel like being a downer. So here's this. It's an email meme soo.... Yeah, it's a little iffy in places but it's still information.

Answer the questions and write the first thing that comes to your mind, don't change it.

1. You & your ex:

Are awkward at times but he still makes me laugh.

2. I am listening to:

Pandora, Specifically Prayer by Disturbed

3. Maybe I should:

sleep, catch up on email, actually write a blog post since I haven't since Sunday.

4. I love?

Music, Sweet Guy, My friends, My parents, brothers. Family in general, rain, Seattle, everyone and anyone

5. I don't understand:

Teenage boys

6. I have lost my respect for:

Health companies. Though I don't think they ever had my respect to begin with.

7. I last ate:

Chicken Cup Noodles

8. The meaning of my display name is:

It's my name, Jessica N. Pedersen. jnpedersen2. The 2 showed up because somebody already had jnpedersen when I was setting up my first email address. My other often used username is LuckyDruggie. This is the name of my blog and two of my nicknames. Lucky is from my roommates because they think I'm lucky to still be alive. Druggie is from high school because of the syringes I always carried and usually poked myself with. (sometimes I used them for other things lol)

-IS YOUR/ARE YOU-

1.Is your hair red like a punk white boy?

No, it's all natural, I'll never dye it.

2.Is your cell phone right by you?

It's in my pocket.

3. Do you miss someone?

Many

4. Do you wear protection?

Uhh..... Don't need it yet. LOL
I wear a bike helmet.

5. Are you tired of gay people?

Not at all, my best friend is one of the best men I know.

6. Are you wearing a mullet?

No but I had a nasty one growing in December. I chopped it off so I wouldn't keep being called sir.

7. Are you mad?

Of course. I'm as mad as a hatter. I'm a Looney Diabetic. But seriously? I don't get mad easily.

8. Are you gay?

I'm goofy happy. But no, I'm pretty sure I like men.

HAVE YOU

1. Recently done anything you regret?

Yes, dagnabit. I need a little more self control.

2. Ever lied?

Yes.

I ATE NUMBER 3.

okay, I hope it tasted good.

4.Have you ever crapped on someone?

No, I can't say I have. Well, I guess I did when I was a baby but that's been a while.

5. Ever tripped out while you were on acid?:

No, I don't do drugs, but I've had some trips on my highs and lows. Those are always fun.

TODAY HAVE YOU:

1. Have you cursed ?

No but yesterday was full of curses. Don't tell Sweet Guy, he'd be dissappointed. Let's just say I had a really bad day. I also figured why I started swearing. It wasn't college influence, it was reading ridiculous numbers from my glucose meter, that and shots. Man I hate those.

2. Have you gotten mad at someone?:

Not recently.

RANDOM

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now?

Take a wild guess. Yes of course there is, he's always on my mind.

Q: Do you have any siblings?

Oh yeah, gotta love being the oldest. Especially with little brothers.

Q: Do you want children?

Yes, I really want kids but I don't know if I'm brave enough. I'm scared I might not be able to keep tight enough BG control.

Q: Do you smile often?

Yes, I wear a smile quite often and I try my darndest to make sure those around me are at least smiling if not laughing.

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?

Only my dress shoes. Tennis shoes just get toed off.

Q: Do you like your handwriting?

I HATE it. I can't even read it half the time.

Q: What were you doing at 7PM yesterday?

I was cursing. Cursing the snow, my meter, my class, my insulin pump, the whole stupid day. It was a bad day.

Q: I can't wait till:

I start making money again and find a job that offers good insurance.

Q: What would you rather be called?

Jess, Lucky, Druggie, Loony, Love (by Sweet Guy that is.)

Q: When did you cry last?

Yesterday. Things are a little overwhelming and it sucked as I've repeatedly said.

Q: Are you a friendly person?

Overly. I think I scare people at times.

Q. Do you have any pets?

Yes but they're at home :( As soon as I can, I'm getting myself a kitty to keep me company. Of course I'd need to live somewhere I can have said cat.

Okay, your turn if you read it and you have a blog, do the ones you want and tell me that you did so I can go read your blog.

Don't Forget The Paper.

2008-02-18T02:55:00.007-07:00

Wow, it's been a week since my last published post. I have a couple that I haven't finished that are just sitting there. Well I've been busy. I'm going to do a few posts to catch up. So don't stop at this one. They're backdated so that they're in the order I want them.

I did my first thigh pump site. I had to sit there for like 20 minutes trying to convince myself to do it. For some odd reason, I thought it would hurt. Once I finally worked up the courage to do it, I put the infusion set (This link shows pictures) into the Quick-serter, put it where I wanted it and pressed the buttons to insert it. It stung a little but that wasn't the problem. I looked down at it, the cannula was in my leg but the infusion set wasn't sticking to my skin. I looked a little closer. I had forgotten to pull off the pieces of paper that cover the sticky glue on the patch. :Smacks forehead: I couldn't help but laughing at forgetting such an in important step. The cannula was in but there was no way in heck that I was going to be able to pull off the paper without pulling it out. So I pulled it out. (I had to put a dried out alcohol swab on the hole from the cannula because it was bleeding like no tomorrow.) I pulled the paper off and then put it back in the Quick-serter and chose a different spot. This one stuck.

I've been very happy with this site. It's very convenient because I can put my pump in jeans pocket or down in my dress sock. I like putting it down in my sock because then I don't have the tubing showing. The tubing doesn't get snagged on door handles or that ever grabby stove handle. It's also more accessible in my sock than if I put it in my bra. That's a nice alternative when I'm wearing a dress. The one thing that I don't like is the pump eventually slides down further into my sock or pops out the top due to the amount of walking I do. So while I'm walking I have to stop for a second and make sure it's secure again. Though, I imagine, if I had newer dress socks, they'd be a bit tighter, therefore, less slippage.

I really like this site and will be using my thigh much more often.

Call For Research Volunteers

2008-02-17T03:40:00.001-07:00

I took part in this research thing that was actually part of the reason why I began blogging. It doesn't take much time to do and they would really appreciate more volunteers. It's all done online so it's very easy. So this is what they asked me to post when I offered to blog about it:

Interested in research that might help the diabetes community? A dissertation is being conducted looking at the link between stress and diabetes management. For more information you can go to www.clas.wayne.edu/~radcliff

Please help them out if you are interested in helping further diabetes research.

I Hate Being Sick.

2008-02-16T20:54:00.004-07:00

On Thursday I had definitely gotten sick from being out in that storm. I woke up feeling sore and my mouth felt like I had been chewing on cow manure flavored cotton balls all night, it was starch dry. When I checked my blood sugar, it was right where it should be but I suspect it had been bouncing around while I was sleeping. Luckily my 7:30am class was canceled that day so I had been able to sleep in until 10:30. I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for Karate. I think I probably should have sat out there because by the time I was done, I had a fever, my blood sugars were bouncing all over the place and I was so tired I was struggling to stay awake even while I was walking.

I went back to my apartment to get my books and saxophone for the rest of my classes. But I was feeling so awful I decided to stay there to watch blood sugars and catch a nap.

I emailed the rest of my teachers telling that I would be missing class and I explained to one teacher why. I only told her so she would understand why I was missing a quiz. She wrote back saying she completely understood and actually asked me to take it easy so I would get feeling better sooner. She is going to let me take the quiz at her office when I can find the time to get there. This was totally unexpected because she explicitly said, at the beginning of the semester, that she wouldn't allow anyone to make up missed quizzes.

Talking to my professors has really helped me in the past. Every one of them has always been willing to work with me. The only difficulty I find is actually telling them. I hate telling them I missed class or my assignment was late due to something diabetes caused or exacerbated. I hate giving reasons because it feels like I'm making excuses. But, I've found that sometimes I need to. Otherwise, my grades suffer when I'm too proud to admit that I need a little help.

Anyway, Sweet Guy got done with his classes and saw that I was online. He asked how I was and upon hearing how yuck I felt he grabbed his stuff and ran over to keep me company while we studied. So we got a little time together on Valentine's. I hate being sick but it's always nice when somebody comes to keep your mind off of it. ;)

Our Valentine's

2008-02-14T14:17:00.004-07:00

Valentine's was a spread out affair. Both Sweet Guy and I have really busy class and work schedules on Thursday's so we spent time together on Wednesday.

It started great.

We both have Creative Arts as our first class on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The professor had the Women of Windham Hill come in and talk to us because we were going to their performance that night as part of the class. They played some of the most beautiful love songs I had heard all week. Isn't it great when a required class turns into a romantic affair? (Yes, I'm sappy, deal with it.)

Sweet Guy and I also share our last class together. Institute Choir. While we had been in Institute choir, the weather had gone from sunny and slightly chilly to the beginnings of a blizzard. After choir we dashed over to the TSC (it's the main building on campus) to grab some lunch. By the time we were done with lunch it was a full out blizzard, total white out conditions a with harsh wind and horizontal snow. The snow was drifting so deep the busses had to stop running so we had to walk to my apartment. This wouldn't have been so bad if I had been dressed appropriately for a blizzard. Since the weather had been so great that morning I was only wearing a jean jacket, a t-shirt and some slacks.

We ducked in and out of buildings on the way trying to stay somewhat warm. Since Sweet Guy's apartment is on the way to mine, we stopped there. When we stepped in we were plastered with about an inch of snow. We both looked like we had aged about fifty years due to amount of snow in our hair. After we de-iced and dried off a little, he dug into his closet and pulled out a warmer jacket for himself and his huge overcoat for me. After tossing that to me he also found two sets of gloves. The coat and the gloves were both rather large on me; I looked a like a kid who was playing dress up with dad's clothes. But they kept me warm.

It usually takes about 10 minutes to walk from his apartment to mine but it took us nearly half an hour. The wind just got worse as we got further away from the main campus and it's sheltering buildings. (Just an FYI, USU's campus sits at the mouth of two canyons so the winds can get pretty nasty.) Since the wind had gotten worse and we were walking straight into it, Sweet Guy turned so he was walking backwards in front of me, to give me some shelter from the raging snow.

We finally made it to my apartment more than just a little soaked. We watched Underworld (love that movie) on the big wide screen downstairs and generally enjoyed each other's company. :) After watching that we went back to his apartment to get his ticket for the performance and then jumped on the city bus to get down to the theatre. Two minutes into our ride, my roommate called and said the performance had been canceled due to closed roads. So we jumped off at the next stop and he took me to the Junction for dinner. It's an all you can eat buffet style place right next to his apartment. I like going there because the salads you can make are amazing and it's pretty easy to eat half way decent, unlike the rest of the food available on campus.

Since our plans for the night had been canceled we headed up to one of his friend's apartments and watched RENT. During the middle of the movie, Sweet Guy noticed I was a little off and asked me to test. I was at 59 mg/dl. I didn't even notice it, I was too busy with the movie and talking with everyone. I'm not even sure how he picked up on it. Anyway he had a cookie stashed in his pocket from dinner that he'd grabbed just in case.

After the movie we walked home and then chatted online for the rest of the night.

It ended great.

It may not seem like a ton but that was my favorite Valentine's day to date.

Maybe.

2008-02-10T00:55:00.001-07:00

On Friday I went on a rather eventful and embarrassing date. Last semester my student ward of my church had a charity auction. All of the money was going toward Toys for Tots or something like that. All of the students offered up services and everyone bid. Some offered math tutoring, some offered a free grocery run while many others offered dates. I had bid on a date and won. I had nearly forgotten about it until last Sunday. The guy I had bid on finally asked me on the owed date. I accepted. Sweet Guy had a dance that he was going to that night anyway. He had been asked to said dance before we met. So it worked for both of us.

Promptly at six he knocked on my door and we headed down to his car. He asked if I would like to go to one of the more authentic Mexican restaurants here in Logan. Of course, I did. I love Mexican food. We chatted while we were waiting for our food. Just some of the most random stuff. When we finally got our dinner I immediately pulled out my meter and did a quick test. While doing the test I briefly glanced up to see how he reacted to it. He was a bit interested but he obviously knew what I was doing. I quickly estimated the carbs in the meals and then put everything into my pump.

"So you've got diabetes?" He asked once I was done.

"Yeah, I've had it for a bit over a year now."

"Alright, let me know if you need anything."

Then we just moved on. He didn't make a big deal of it and he didn't pry as to what my blood sugar was. He didn't immediately make a scene about whether the food was ok for me to eat. We just talked about our love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with Windows Vista, where he went on his mission, and the crazy things that happen when you are a college student.

After we were done he said that he had planned going to a movie too. I just needed to choose which one to watch. I chose Cloverfield. Big mistake on my part. I didn't realize how much camera movement there was. I'm not good with that much camera movement. About 10 minutes into the movie I was starting to get the sweats and my stomach was doing flip-flops. I checked my blood sugar oddly hoping that it was a low rather than my stomach sending signs that it wanted to heave. 110 mg/dl. Nope, not that. So I hunkered down and avoided looking at the screen but still trying to get the story by listening to it.

From what I've been told, it's a great movie. I couldn't tell you though because I missed more than half of it. I was able to fight the feeling for another 15 minutes but then I had to get up. I tried to leave quietly but as soon as I was out of sight I ran for the bathroom . I had to stop at a garbage can on the way there because I felt like I was not going to make it, and I didn't.

I immediately felt better but then I remembered that I had taken like 5 units of insulin for the dinner that no longer occupied my stomach. Crap!! I ate what sugar I had on me and then tested. I was at 95 mg/dl. I had no idea how much of the food I had eaten had actually been absorbed so I knew I was going to be in for a ride later.

I crept back into the theatre seriously embarrassed. I was able to catch another fifteen minutes before I started feeling queasy again. I pulled my baseball cap down and just stared at that for the last 10 minutes of the movie. When the movie was over, we went out to the foyer and he asked how I was doing. I admitted that I was feeling a bit shaky but I had already eaten all of my sugar. Before I could get it myself, he immediately bought me a $3.00 Mt. Dew (it was the smallest they offered and it was still more than I needed.). I felt so bad about that. Not only had I missed most of the movie, lost all of my dinner but I had ended up incurring another cost just because of my diabetes.

"Here drink this down."

"Thanks, I'm sorry about that, I had forgotten how camera movement affected me."

"Oh don't worry about it, just make sure you don't go low." He watched me with a close eye.

"So what's your experience with diabetes?" I asked after taking a few long pulls of Dew.

"Oh, my grandpa has diabetes, he's taught me a bit about it."

Go Grandpa!

When we got back to my apartment he walked up to my door with me and asked me how I was feeling one more time, just to be sure. Then he headed to his apartment building.

I sat in the mid 70s for a few hours but nothing too drastic.

While I was incredibly embarrassed about getting sick in the first place and then having a low, I never felt uncomfortable about it. I could tell that he knew what was going on and I was impressed with the way he dealt with everything. He didn't over react and he knew what I meant when I said I a bit shaky.

Maybe all of the education and advocating that we do is doing something. Maybe people are slowly starting to distinguish fact from fiction. Maybe all the teaching and myth dispelling I do is actually helping.

As I've learned in my class on disabilities. Biological conditions are not usually the main cause for a handicap, it's the way society around us handles the disability. With acceptance and understanding, maybe, someday, diabetes will not be such a source of shame. Maybe someday we won't be handicapped by society's assumption that we can't do everything another person with a healthy pancreas could do. I want to be able to tell a potential employer that I have diabetes and not be asked how often I'm going to be sick and unable to come to work.

This is what I hope for and will fight for.

Supported.

2008-02-07T17:01:00.001-07:00

The longer I have diabetes the more I see the amazing support that those around me give me.

Knowing that my parents are concerned with my health is boosting but irritating at times. I love the encouragement but I don't want or need to be chewed out on about my care. I do the guilt trips quite well enough on my own. Being a worrier though, I worry that their knowing my crazy numbers will cause them undue stress.

My dad mentioned the fact that my mom looks at my online blood sugar log. This simple statement brought up a few feelings. I felt a little apprehensive, I really don't want to cause her worry because my sugars aren't always perfect but the reminder of how much she cares caused such a wonderful feeling of love.

My dad's almost religious reading of my blog is so great I can't begin to say how much it means to me. It always makes me smile when he asks when I might update next. His eagerness is so encouraging.

Knowing that my best friend, Malchik, has taken the time to learn along side me about diabetes and now knows almost more than I do is amazing. I feel so much support and amazement when I start complaining about something that is giving me trouble and he can almost totally understand and can give me some sound advice.

The fact that my boyfriend, Sweet Guy, listens and asks questions about my diabetes so he can better understand is wonderful and warming. His attitude is that it's my diabetes, not that the diabetes is me. It's just another piece of me, just like a toe or hand. He loves it all the same.

I'm always amazed by my cousin's listening ear. I know that diabetes news is incredibly boring to her yet she just listens. Sometimes I get really excited about something new that I just learned about diabetes and need someone to talk to about it. She just lets me spout off how exciting it is. This is just what I need sometimes.

My Awesome Aunt's listening ear is great too. I talk a lot so I need more than one person to talk to so I don't wear people out. Although, I have yet to see Awesome Aunt's ear wear thin. It's always there and ready to listen to my latest bit of drama. Then, not only does she listen but also she gives advice to deal with it. Just Awesome.

I'm always grateful that my roommates will listen and stop what they're doing to help me with a low. This gives me such a sense of security. This is incredible. All I have to do is say I'm low and they immediately ask what they can do to help and then will sit with me until I come back. I'm immensely grateful to have such amazing friends and roommates.

All of my family and friends concern can be a bit wearing at times but that I can go to them and know I'll be given the support I need is such a blessing. Thank you.

Sweet Guy Lows and Drowning in Frozen Water.

2008-02-05T17:57:00.001-07:00

Remember how I was being paranoid about going low while on a date with Sweet Guy? Well not only have I been getting low on dates but I have been going low any time I'm around Sweet Guy, even just chatting with him online. I haven't been having lows any other time, just with him

Although I have been having them when I first wake up. My fasting numbers have been hanging around the mid 60s. A bit irritating. I'm working on dropping my basal in the morning. I've got an appointment with my CDE to look over that. Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

Most of the time, I've been sitting in the 90s but when Sweet Guy and I start chatting I'll start to get that really lightheaded feeling so I grab my meter and I can count on it to be in the 50s. My lowest around him has been 42. I barely even felt it. Just a little spacey feeling. I find it a bit embarrassing to have to pull out the candy and start munching but he doesn't mind at all. He actually said he's going to start carrying candy in his pocket for me. Man, he really is Sweet even if he seems to be my anti-sugar. (Where was this guy when I couldn't keep my numbers below 250.) Now my question is why? Why does it keep dropping like this? If anyone has the slightest guess, please toss it my way.

Well onto the rest of the post title. It WON'T STOP SNOWING HERE. I know we need the moisture because of the drought we've been in but come on! We had a bit of a break in the constant snow today but I've been told there's another nasty blizzard coming in tonight. And will school be canceled? Never. We will be walking in the snow up to our knees and the school still doesn't close.

Seriously, you know there's too much snow when you see the snowplow fish tail as it clears the intersection.

Free Write Rant

2008-02-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

This post is just free writing. This is what my mind sounds like everyday. I know it doesn't make any sense but I'm posting it anyway. Feel free to ignore it if you want. If you feel like answering a question or throwing your own questions in I'd love to hear it. Though I highly doubt anyone is going to get much sense out of this post.

You know, I keep reading about how diabetes is on the up rise. Everybody and their dog are getting it. It's causing costs beyond reason. Costing as much as the war we are waging. I've just recently read that it's death rate is rising rather than dropping. How can this be happening? With the amount of awareness we are always trying to throw out there shouldn't people be better able to take care of themselves? I wonder if the death rate we're seeing is of the people who have had diabetes for so long. They had it before there was access to all the wonderful technology. I just don't understand how we are still having so many deaths. I know diabetes is VERY hard to deal with at times but I don't know a single diabetic that doesn't try to take care of themselves. Even if they do have their bouts of burnout they still worry about their health. They do try. Are there really people out there with diabetes that just ignore it. That allow it to ravage their body, willingly? I have burned out before. I didn't want to take care of it and ignored it for a while but I got back into the game. Even when I was ignoring my care I still worried about my health. I did the bare necessities to keep going. Are people nuts? Do they want to die or do they just get into such a downward spiral that they can't see anyway back out? They don't see the point anymore. I've fought depression. It was nasty. I just don't get it. I don't see how anyone could give up so much that it causes their death. It just doesn't make sense. I can totally understand giving up for a short time. Causing short term damage but to just not try at all to the point of killing yourself doesn't make sense. Unless you are suicidal. But still, even then that wouldn't be a very economical way to kill yourself. People that are suicidal usually believe that if they kill their self then they are making the world a better place. A diabetic death is long and costly. It hurts those around you. They hurt seeing you not taking care of yourself. So what is it that is killing diabetics. Is it poor health care? The fact that many can't take of themselves properly? Their insurance tells them that because they are Type 2 they don't need to monitor their blood sugar. Is this causing the death? Is it misinformed or older doctors saying that Type 2 isn't that bad? Is it doctors ignoring their patients worries and brushing them off as nothing? Could it be the patient? I know that now more than ever people are very aware of their health. Yet there are those that choose to ignore the warnings that their body is yelling at them. They deny that anything could be wrong with how they choose to live. I know there are people that get Type 2 diabetes that are in great shape. It doesn't always have to do with being overweight and not eating well. But these people aren't the ones that are dying off. They are the ones I know that are taking care of their diabetes. It's the ones that have such an apathetic view on life that confound me. How could you not care about your health? How could you ignore the doctor that was actually paying attention? The doctor that is telling you how to live a happier life. A longer life. This is the only way I can see that the deaths are increasing. This is the only way I can the diagnosis increasing. People just don't listen anymore. They don't care. They think, "That will never happen to me." Last statistic I read said that this century, 1 in 3 will be diagnosed with diabetes. More than likely than not, it will happen to you. I just don't get it. I understand periods of being unable to care but whole lifetimes? I don't get that. Why? Why would a person choose to be unhealthy for a lifetime? Why choose death over life?

Well there's a small moment of my ADHD mind. Imagine all those questions but they're all on top of each other. And with them are a dozen other subjects bouncing around. And all the subjects want the same amount of attention. Maybe that'll help you understand why my posts are sometimes very unfocused. I have a difficult staying on one topic at a time.

The Sussy Has Arrived.

2008-02-02T18:45:00.000-07:00

I was so excited when I finally saw that pink slip in my mail box that said I had a package. I eagerly took the slip to the main desk and got my box. I hurried up to my apartment and sat it down on the kitchen table while I looked for a knife. As soon as I had that knife, I attacked the box with vigor.

Inside I found some Orville Redenbacher's popcorn. Score!! Sugar Free cream filled cupcakes. Only 18g carbs for two. That is so cool. I really need to track down where to find these. They taste great. (Yes, they're already gone and highly enjoyed.) I also found a CD: Frank Sinatra, The Memorial Album. Double Score! I love all music and I'm so happy to be able to add this to my collection. I don't have anything like it and it's a nice change from my usual alternative rock. The last thing I found is my favorite thing. It was the book, Cheating Destiny. I have been wanting to read this book for a while now. So I'm gonna go back to my lack of posting and enjoy my new music and new book.

The Two Big D's. Dating and Diabetes.

2008-01-28T23:30:00.001-07:00

I've gotten back into the dating game this last week. The guy is a totally sweet guy but when I'm on a date with him I worry about my diabetes rearing it's ugly head. It's already poking in at odd moments. It's been there when we went to dinner. Last night, I poked my finger and checked my numbers. I was putting my numbers into my pump and putting in my estimated carb count. Well any of you that have a pump, know that it beeps at every dang step. Sweet Guy was putting a plate of food together for me and kept glancing around trying to figure out where that noise kept coming from.

"What is that sound?" He asked with confusion.

"It's my pump, it beeps while I'm programming in how much insulin I need, it's a bit irritating. Sorry about that." I kinda blushed.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I think that pump is pretty cool." Score points for Sweet Guy.

But still, it's hard enough trying to date, get to know someone and try to not make too much of a fool of yourself without diabetes. Something I worry about is having a low while I'm on a date. How embarrassing would that be? I've been keeping my numbers under much greater control lately so I've been having lows more than I used to. I'm also not feeling them until I'm under 50 mg/dl. I've yet to have a low that I couldn't deal with on my own but still... I just worry about it.

I have told Sweet Guy if I start acting weirder than usual, I probably need to check my blood sugar and then eat some sugar. I do this with anyone I'll be with for any length of time. I have no problem talking about my diabetes it's just when it rears it's head and tries to act like a disability that I wish it were gone. When I feel a low and have go dig around for some candy. When I'm high and can barely function due to feeling so sick. When I have to explain why I'm not participating in the game like everyone else.

When I'm trying to get to know someone new I want them to know me and forget about the BS tests, the insulin pump, the pause before I eat something so I can figure out the carbs. I don't want people to just see the diabetes and not be able to see me past it.

Anybody else worry about the 'betes when they're out on a date?

GROWL!!!

2008-01-26T01:49:00.000-07:00

Alright, now I'm officially ticked. I just spent a good 5 or 6 hours trying to getting the first part of my D-Day story written out. I pushed save like I've been doing all day and the screen went blank. Blogger just ate my ridiculously long post. Screw it, I'll redo it later. Man that's frustrating though. I had it written just how I wanted.

Well for a piece of diabetes. I've been having these really weird lows all night. I haven't been feeling them at all. I didn't feel any of them until one hit 48. That one was weird too. I didn't get the shakes as per usual. I felt a headache coming on and my mouth started going numb. I checked my blood sugar to see if that was the cause. Like I said, 48. It's so weird I don't know what to make of it. My mouth is still a bit numb and it's been a good 25 minutes. I'm not sure where the lows are coming from. I haven't exercised today nor have I had too much insulin. If anything I haven't had enough insulin. If anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears.

I'm curious.

2008-01-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Amylia, and Jillian's blogs and commented. I'm curious to see if I can actually get my dad to comment. I dare you Daddy.

The rules:

Use one word to describe me … just one single word.

Leave it in my comments.

Then post this message on your blog and see how many strange and interesting things people say about you!

Where's The Sugar?

2008-01-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

I was highly enjoying a Trigun anime with a new friend when my cell phone went off.

As I sat up, I pulled Sweet Guy's arm off my shoulder (yes, he was a bit too forward.) and pulled out my phone. "Hipster." The screen read.

"Hey what's up?"

"Hey Jess, could you come play church ball. Only two people showed."

I thought for a moment. Do I stay here and totally enjoy this anime or do I go get myself some good honest exercise..... Let's get some blood pumping.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few."

I walked up to the church in the negative degree weather. It is too dang cold here. The warmest temperature I've seen in a while was 20 degrees. The average is around 5 degrees during the day.

I walked into the gym and started warming up. Then we began the game. I was having a blast running with them. I even made a couple of baskets. WOOT. Then I realized that I didn't check my blood sugar before playing.

I swapped with one of the girls and went and checked my blood sugar. 98. Well that would be great any other time but right now it sucked. When I exercise, my blood sugar drops like a rock so I need it over 150 at the very very least. So I grabbed my backpack and started digging for some candy.

As luck would have it, there was nothing in there. Not even my glucose tabs, they needed to be refilled. Dang it!

Hipster came out for a break from the game. I asked her if there was anywhere to grab something or if she possibly had some candy with her. No such luck. Since neither of us could track down something to get my blood sugar higher I decided I should probably sit out.

When one of the girls came up to me to swap I felt guilty for having to decline. I explained that I was afraid that if I played any more my blood sugar would drop too low and I wouldn't have anything on me to bring it up. That really left a bad taste in my mouth. Whenever I need to sit out of an activity I worry that others will think it's an excuse. I hate sitting out and having to chalk it up to diabetes because it just portrays that "I'm disabled" picture more. I'm not disabled and I hate admitting that my diabetes slows me down when I'm not entirely prepared. If I didn't have diabetes I could have run myself into the ground just like the rest of the girls. Sometimes I really miss life before diabetes.

ADD Random

2008-01-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

I can't focus on any one thing in the slightest bit. So I'm going to kinda bullet.
This morning I woke with a nice 88. Very happy with that.
My blood sugars have been stellar this week as far as staying down. I've had few highs but no higher than 250. My problem has been getting it up and keeping it up. (stay out of the gutter.)

I've been arguing with lows. Nothing too desperate, my lowest has been 47 and that wasn't that bad. The blood sugars have been confusing me a bit. The average has been in the high 60s. The weird thing is that I don't feel low in the slightest bit. I don't feel it until I'm in the low 50s. Sometimes I swear I'm high because I've got cotton mouth or I feel tired but I check and it blares a 50 at me. I wonder if my meter is off yet I know it's accurate because I'll feel a low and it'll give me a correct reading. IDK
I've been jotting in my "blog " notebook. I have a few partial blog ideas written. I'll try to expound a bit here.
I've got one that I want to post on expenses. I started on it after I read Brensdad's post. The costs of my care are definitely kicking me in the kidneys. My co-pay is $28.75. Every month I have to buy my insulin. I'm also having a monthly Dr. Appt. until I get my A1c back down. Luckily my test strips are covered 100%. I haven't the slightest idea how much my 3 month supply for my pump will be. I know that I have to pay 20% of whatever it does cost. Then I have my $51 payment every month for my insulin pump for the next 23 months. Then I have to buy glucose tabs quite often. Those are about $5 at Wally World (aka Wal-Mart) I usually go through about three bottles a month. Then I try to buy healthy food. I get low carb foods when available, these are always more expensive. So I'll hazard that my costs are around $160 a month. Now I know that isn't anywhere near as bad as it could be but it still stings. It's caused me to take two jobs to pay for expenses. I really don't know how I'm ever supposed to save my money to pay off the loans I've taken out to pay for school.

Something else that's been floating around lately is should I eat it now or save it for a low. When I get a candy I often waffle between eating it then or saving it to throw into my "low" stash. I really wish this was something I never thought about. Just something I've been thinking about lately.

Well that's all I can think of right now. I'm going to be celebrating a year of diabetes on Thursday. I'm not quite sure whether or not to celebrate.

I think I'm going to celebrate.

YAY!!

2008-01-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do an update. I'm waiting for some permission to use someone's name before I post the blog I've written. I'm very seriously thinking about splitting it into multiple posts. It's so random and long.

So my great news for the day. I've brought my A1c down. It's now an 8.3 from a 10.1. I'm so happy I could burst. My doctor is very happy and was very interested in what got me back on track. I'd have to say it was the blogsphere and all of my online D friends. Knowing I wasn't alone helped me a great deal.

Well now that I've finished that I'll go to the other post and finish it. I just got approval from Sky. Woot!!

2008-01-21T01:50:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to finish a post that I started on Saturday. It's about half way done. I'll get it up ASAP. Be forewarned it's gonna be a bit bouncy in topic content. I have no focus at all.

Bouncy Disney.

2008-01-19T20:03:00.000-07:00

I'm splitting the blog up. Don't expect it to make much sense. I can't focus on any one thing. As I write this, I am chatting to two people, reading four different blogs and thinking about all the different things I should write another blog on. So...Enjoy.

Something I've been wanting to do is a post on has been my trip to Disneyland. It was a total blast. I think I've said as much in a previous post. I had a few bumps in the trip. I also met one of my awesome friends that I met because of diabetes. As far as the bumps. I was at the House of Blues in Downtown Disney. I had decided I was going to indulge and order myself a big carb filled chocolate mousse cheesecake. After I ordered the cake I asked the waitress if she might possibly have a carb count for the dessert. She gave an almost comical blank stare and then asked what a carb was. I tried very hard not to laugh. I explained that I was looking for some nutrition facts. Another blank stare.

"Why would you want to know that?" She asked with a great deal of confusion.

"She's diabetic. She needs to figure out how much insulin to take." Awesome Aunt told her.

"I was just wondering if you guys had the count so I could be a bit more precise with my insulin. It makes it easier if I don't have to guess." I explained.

I swear her eyes bugged out. "You're diabetic and you're going to eat that!!!"

"Yes."

"Well if you kill yourself, it's not my fault." (Yes, she honestly said this.)

Well I ate that whole cake and I highly enjoyed it. And guess what. Two hours later I had a lovely 129 staring back at me from the meter. Probably one of the best blood sugars I had on the whole trip.

All throughout the trip I had a blast. One of the funnier things that happened was on the Tower of Terror. On one of our previous rides my aunt had commented on how her purse kept flying up. I wanted to see the gravity defying act so I as we rode it a second time I let my coat fly a bit. I was thoroughly enjoying watching my coat just hang in the air. When we finished the ride and the elevator doors opened the lady stepped in and did the normal spiel about having a great ride and then she looked straight at me.

"Oh, and Ma'am would you please hold on to your coat next time. You hit our camera."

The three of us got quite a kick out of that.

While on this trip I got to meet one of my online friends. I met her through her parents on a yahoo group. We had a bit of correspondence and I offered to talk to their daughter. We eventually got in touch. We got to know each other a bit. We both were diagnosed the same day. We're both crazy and totally off our rockers. So when I planned out this trip to Disneyland, visiting Sky came up. We worked out the times and met. We had a hard time finding a place to eat but we ended up at the hotel restaurant. Sky and I tested our blood sugars and compared. Her's was better which she proudly shared. Then we both did our shots, she with a pen, me with my good old syringe and vial.

After dinner we were all craving some ice cream so we hit up Hagen Daaz. We took wild boluses and thoroughly enjoyed it. (Hey, I never said was a great example.) Then the three of us (Giggles, Sky and I) totally acted the part of Looney's. (Might have had something to do with the amount of sugar we had just consumed.) We were goofing off and totally not acting our ages. When we had to say our good bye's it was hard. We had only met that night but I felt like we had known each other for ages. I usually hate the fact that I got diabetes but that night I couldn't have been happier to be a diabetic.

So here's some crazy pics of us.

Me and Sky totally enjoying ourselves at dinner.

The amazing Sky!! Ain't she a doll?

Sky's parents and my Awesome Aunt.

LOL

Sometimes it's all worth it for the friends we make.

Awkward At Church.

2008-01-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first day wearing a dress with my pump. I didn't really think ahead about where I was going to stick my pump. I figured I'd just stick it in my bra and everything would be great. Well, it didn't work like I thought it would.

My roommates and I were sitting in our main church meeting and right when the prayer began my pump started talking.

"Boop Beep Boop. Pay attention to me."

Crap, not now.

It seemed so loud. I felt like everyone in the chapel must have heard it. Hipster was sitting next to me and gave me a questioning look when the prayer was over. I just shrugged. Maybe it would only beep once.

"BOOP BEEP BOOP, Don't ignore me."

I was sitting there trying to figure out how I was going to tactfully reach down my dress and push ESC ACT. I really didn't want to do it right then. I was sitting in the middle of the chapel, anyone would have been able to see me. So I tried pushing the buttons from the outside of my dress. It wasn't working, I was wearing a heavy sweater over top of my dress. It had been an attempt to cover up the pump bulge, now it was impeding me in my attempt to appease my noisy pump.

During the sacrament prayer I snuck my hand up into my sweater and pulled the complaining pump up through my collar.

Check BG I just rolled my eyes, I definitely hadn't thought about timing when I had set that. I shoved it back into my bra and relaxed, the pump was shut up. Or so I thought.

Five minutes later. "Boop beep boop. I've got another thing to tell you."

Criminy! Again? What now?

So I scrunched down and reached down my shirt yet again.

Alarm Clock Grr!! OK, whatever. ESC ACT. I shoved it back in. Don't you dare beep again.

10 minutes later: "Guess what. I'm making noise again. Exciting isn't it?"

Low Reservoir or whatever it says, I can't remember. Are you kidding me?

Well I wanted to be able to just run into the bathroom as soon as the meeting was over so that I wasn't late to Sunday school. So I started turning my site thingy through my dress. (sorry for the lack of technical terms, I've only had it for a week.) That was a challenge but I got it off and pulled the pump and tubing up and out the top of the dress. I pulled the reservoir out and attached my extra reservoir. I rewound the pump and waited for the last ten minutes of the meeting.

As soon as they dismissed the meeting I made a bee line toward the bathroom. I primed it and then hiked up my dress and reattached everything. Then I set the stupid thing to vibrate thinking that would fix everything if it decided it wanted my attention again. Nope.

Right in the middle of my next lesson, the stupid thing started again. It made me jump right off my seat. Luckily, only Liz noticed. Everybody else was too engrossed in the lesson.

I just toughed it out for the rest of lesson, this was a much smaller room and I was not going to dig in my bra in front of all the guys in the room.

When my roommates and I got home, I tore my dress off the moment our door shut. Then pulled on a t-shirt and jeans and promptly attached my pump to my belt.

"Hipster? Can you sew?" I yelled out.

"Yes, if I've got a sewing machine." She yelled back.

"Well we are going to sew a pocket into all my dresses. I am not doing that again."

"Okay, if you can find a sewing machine and get the material I'll do the rest."

I think I'm going to buy myself a skirt.

36.

2008-01-11T20:40:00.000-07:00

My new official record. I broke my old one of 43. I broke it a few times over. But I'll catch up first.

Disclaimer: I have just started classes again and this week has been a bit hectic. Sorry for the lack of posts.

So first of all, I got my MiniMed Paradigm 722 on Friday. I was so dang excited over that, the euphoria lasted for five days. On Monday I had pump training. When I walked in to the appointment with my favorite CDE and she looked at me and just beamed at how excited I was.

With a laugh she asked, "So what don't you know about the pump?"

"Uhh... the only thing I haven't done yet is attach it and get it running. That's only because Medtronic told me not to until training. But as usual, I've got my list of questions that I've thought up between our appointments."

"Good, let's answer those first then."

I've very seriously thought about going into the medical field lately. I really did not like programming. I asked her about what she had to do to become a CDE. So that is definitely on my list of things I'd like to do. I'm thinking about becoming a doctor or doing research in auto-immune diseases specializing in Diabetes. I just don't know yet so I'm just taking generals in college right now. I've got two classes that I particularly think I will enjoy. One is Public Health and it's effect on communities and families. The other is Disability in Society. Both have peaked my interest. So back to catching up. Must focus.

"Any more questions?" I shook my head.

"Well let's get you pumping."

So we rewound the pump and filled the reservoir. That was a bit of a challenge. CDE had to help me get all of the bubbles out. I was sitting there tapping it lightly with my finger and she just reached over and rapped on the side with her pen. Definitely gonna have to remember that. We then hooked up the tubing and stuck it in the pump.

We primed it and then it was time to stick it in the spot of choice. As I looked at the needle I was rather intimidated. It's rather long and large. So I wiped off my stomach with the I.V. Prep and set the Inserter. I tensed as I put readied to push the buttons on the Inserter and then I just did it. I wondered if it had actually gone in. It didn't hurt at all. So I pulled out the needle and double checked to see that it had actually attached. It had. I had been imagining that it was gonna kill and I didn't even feel it go in.

So we set my basal at 0.5 per hour. Since I had had a shot of Lantus at 10 that morning we set the basal to start at 10 that night. This was a mistake. We probably should have waited until like 8 the next morning. Oh well, I've learned my lesson on stacking insulin.

After the appointment I immediately called my mom letting her know that I'd finally gotten hooked up. She wasn't as excited as I'd hoped but I think she was a little worn down by my brothers. They have reputation for being extremely draining. I can attest to this. But my roommates reactions were good. They were very glad to see that I had finally gotten set up.
We had family home evening that night and of course there were refreshments. I loved being able to just check my blood sugar and then bolus. It felt so discrete. I didn't have to lug out my insulin bottle, pull out the correct amount of insulin into a syringe and then either stab through my jeans or lift up my shirt to reach my abdomen. All I had to do was type in my blood sugar and the carb count and it did the rest. I feel so free now. All of my stuff is automatically recorded too. I love it. I'm in love with a piece of technology. I'm a true geek and I'm proud. One of the wallpapers I cycle through actually says, "Geek Inside" Just like the Intel Inside logo. Crap, distracted again. FOCUS JESS!!

So after family home evening my roommates, neighbors from our floor and I watched a movie. At 10, right in the middle of the movie, my pump started the basal. By 10:30 I was starting to sweat. I checked my BS. It read 47. So I grabbed like 7 glucose tabs and sat down to wait my 15 minutes.

"You doin' alright, Jess? You're looking a bit shaky." Spoon asked with concern.

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm a bit low but I'll get it up. Just give me a minute."

49 was the next number I saw. I was seriously shaking by this point and doing my very best to not ruin the movie. Most of the girls that were over barely know what diabetes is, let alone that I have it. I didn't feel like teaching right then so I kept it on the DL (down low translation for my cousin). So I downed a pop, steadily chewed on candy and finished the rest of the movie. After the apartment cleared out I checked my blood sugar again: 155 so I went to bed.

I awoke an hour later with adrenaline pumping so hard I thought my heart would break from over use. Once again the shakes were attacking me. I had stupidly left my kit in the living room so I stumbled there and grabbed candy and started downing it while I checked my blood sugar again. 46. WTF??! How the heck did that happen? So I just kept downing the candy that was sitting on the table.

42. CRAP!!

More candy. Finished off my bottle of glucose tabs.

36. F***!! At this point I was freaking out and I decided I'd better enlist some help. Spoon was asleep on the couch so I poked her.

"My blood sugar is 36 and I can't get it up. Help me stay awake please."

She sat up immediately. "What do you need me to do? Do I need to grab the cake frosting gel? Should I get the glucagon ready? What can I do?"

"I just need you to talk to me and keep an eye on me while I down the sugar."

"Sure, no problem."

I had a hard time staying awake but she kept me focused. I just kept eating every bit of candy I could find. After about an hour, I finally got back up over 200 and I was exhausted. I went to bed. I missed my 7:30 class the next morning and I still have sores on my tongue from the amount of sugar I ate. Oh well, now I've got another cold and my blood sugars are staying high so I don't have to worry about these pain-in-the-butt lows. This low was caused by starting my basal too early while still on the Lantus. I have definitely learned.

I'm Happy, Grumpy is on vacation and Dopey is unavailable.

2008-01-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

Hello World!!

I'm feeling a bit giddy right now. I was able to get to bed last night at 10:30 and I woke up at 8:30 feeling great. It's amazing what sleeping on a bed can do for your back when you've been sleeping on a couch for nearly a month.

My blood sugar was a solid 75 this morning. This contributed to my very happy mood. Last night I went to sleep at 120.

I'm so glad to be back in Logan with my roomies. There are only four of us this semester. :( One (Dot) had to join the military and the other (Sarah) (my personal room roommate) couldn't get enough money to stay. All of us that are left miss them terribly but we will keep in touch. Gotta love chat and email.

Well I've got pump training tomorrow, I'm so excited. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

This is backdated because I did write it that day I just forgot to publish it.

Googled.

2008-01-04T02:47:00.000-07:00

Answer the questions and then Google-Image the answer. Anything from the first page of results is allowed. Stole it from Amylia.

1. Age at my next birthday.

2. A place I'd like to travel

Denmark

3. Favourite place

In a book

4. Favourite thing

Music

5. Favourite food

6. Favourite colour

Midnight Blue

7. Favourite flower

Buttercup

8. The city you live in

Logan

9. The name of a pet

Oreo

10. A nickname I've had

11. College major

Computer Science. This will be changing, I just don't know what to.

12. First job

Computer tech.

2008-01-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

Last night sucked and today isn't doing much to make up for it.

I was trying to fall asleep but I couldn't get comfortable. All of a sudden I started getting the sweats and and major cramps everywhere. I hurt so bad that I couldn't get off the couch. Then I started shaking and my heart started pounding, I knew I was going low but my kit was all the way in the kitchen. I hurt too much to get up and get the meter so I just grabbed my coat off the floor and pulled out some glucose tabs. I chewed four of them up and then just kinda fell asleep. I woke up this morning with a nice 350. I think I kept dropping after I fell asleep and therefore I believe my liver kicked in some glucagon. Grr.

Today I was eagerly awaiting my pump but UPS never came. I'm very disappointed. It better be here tomorrow.

POP!

2008-01-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

I get sick of diet coke and Pepsi quite often. I've never really liked them anyway but you can't beat the carb count. So to change up my pop flavor I do something that works quite well. I mix most pops with diet coke.

I've discovered that you can mix diet 3:1 and whatever you put into the diet becomes the main flavor. It's just like having whatever drink you mix except with a quarter of the carbs. So while I was in Disneyland I did something similar.

We were at the Blue Bayou and the waiter was listing the drinks. I was looking to see if they had any diets beside coke. They didn't but he did mention Shirlee Temple's and Roy Rogers'. I hadn't had one in forever.

"I've got a really weird request for you, do you think you're up to it?" I asked.

He looked at me with a bit of surprise and then grinned, "Sure, give me what you've got."

"I was wondering if you could do a Roy Rogers but make half of it Diet Coke."

"Well that is definitely one I haven't heard before. I'd be glad to." He then took the rest of our order and went back to the kitchen.

He walked back carrying our drinks, "You'll have to let me know how it is, if it's good we'll have to name it. What would you name it?"

There was no question. "The Lucky Druggie." The waiter looked really confused but my aunt and cousin just laughed.

I thought it tasted great. In my opinion, it tasted better than the original.

I really liked that waiter. There was a guy on the floor that did refills but our waiter made sure to keep my drink filled himself. Whenever I got near an empty he was there with a new cup. He was really cute too. Gotta love a good waiter.

Happy New Year!!

2008-01-01T16:37:00.001-07:00

Wow, It's already 2008. I'm coming up on a year as a diabetic. Well I've got a few bits of news.

My insurance has finally approved my pump. According to my rep at MiniMed, it should arrive on the 3rd. I've been waiting for this for what seems like forever. Holly told me that my doctor is the main reason why they approved it. He called in and said something that got them to approve it that day.

I had a doctor's appt. on the 27th. I had an HBA1C done. Not good results. It was a 10.1. This concerned my doctor. Neither of us are really sure what has been causing the ridiculous amounts of BGs I've had. 200 is my average number anymore. I've been sick for most of the month and I've had stress coming out the yin yang but I've been checking more often and bolusing every few hours. So Awesome Dr. and I decided that I'm going to up my Lantus to 25 units morning and night and double the amount of Humalog I use. From (1 unit : 15 carbs) to (1 unit : 7.5 carbs) It seems to be working better. Only downside is that I'll have to buy another bottle of Humalog a month. That means another co-pay. It was $23 last year but it's going to be around $30 this year.

He and I also decided that the anti-depressants are no good. They do nothing for me other than cause more trouble. When I forget a dose, I go nuts. I have such wild mood swings it's dangerous. This is my second time trying them. I'll try almost anything twice on the off chance I may have had a bad experience the first time. I've decided that I will not use anti-depressants again. They're not worth the trouble.

Next topic: School. I'm excited for this semester. School restarts on the 7th. I'm really looking forward to my karate class. I've wanted to take Karate for as long as I can remember, there was just never any place to take it. Other than karate, I'm just taking generals while I figure out which way I want to go. I'm interested in an English degree but I'm really going to look into what it will take to become a CDE.

My goals for this next semester are to work out more, stay focused on school, figure out a career path and step up in my diabetes care.

Happy New Year!!

Diabetic Fiction?

2007-12-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

I've been looking through my favorite books and searching the internet for some reading material. I'd really like some fiction.

I've noticed something though. In all of my books and everything I can find, none of the characters have any health problems. Yeah, I know, kind of a weird thing to be looking for but I'd like to see a character that has something other than a personality flaw. I want to read about someone that not only goes on an adventure, fights evil and falls in love but also has a chronic illness to deal with. Kinda sadistic? Maybe. I don't think sadistic is the right word but I'm having a major brainfart right now.

I'd really like to find a main character that's diabetic or someone who has ADD or just something that doesn't come from getting old. Does anybody know of a main character that's diabetic? I've read a few non-fiction stories and I have found them very interesting but I really don't like non-fiction for my pleasure reading.

The only movie I've run across where diabetes had a role was a Lifetime special where said diabetic's "best friend" was trying to kill her with her insulin. She put alcohol in the bottle rather than insulin. Interesting but I want more than just that. It's gotta be out there, I just don't know where to find it.

Maybe I should make an attempt. LOL Yeah I can see it now, I'd have like 15 stories started and they'd never get finished. I've never been all that great at finishing what I start. I have like 15 posts that I've started but never finished and therefore never posted. Gotta work on that.

Merry Christmas!!!

2007-12-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hello World!!!!

Merry Christmas!!!!

This morning is rocking. I woke up with a nice 394. Talk about Grinchy Jessi. My mouth tasted like the south side of sick cow. Oh well, I got up and grabbed or rather jabbed 11 units of Christmas insulin. Then it was present time.

I'll get pictures up ASAP. I've gotta get them from my mom first. We all had quite the haul. I got a Swiss Army laptop back pack. A down comforter with a heated mattress pad. A new set of ear phones. A 12 piece cooking set. Some sugar free chocolate candies. A Pirates of the Caribbean t-shirt. A really cool pen with all the names of Jesus. Oh and new mountain bike (Got that a little over a month ago.) Now I know I forgot something... Oh yeah I also got an all expenses paid trip to Seattle and Disneyland thanks to my awesome aunt. That's why the blogs have been so sparse lately. But that's a different blog. I'm going to attempt to put up a few today.

So as I sit here blogging, Derreck is running around with his comforter on his back like superman, Lars is trying to get somebody to open up his candy cane and Karl is attempting to put his pirate ship together. I'm very content sitting in our orange chair with a happy tummy. Daddy made homemade waffles for breakfast. Mine was doused in sugar free syrup of course.

And finally, we have definitely had a white Christmas. We have nearly six inches of snow. It's very beautiful. As I said above, I will add pictures to the post as soon as I get them. So...

Merry Christmas!!!

Oy!

2007-12-17T20:31:00.001-07:00

I'm going to try to make sense with this post but, I'm still sick and when I'm sick I have a very difficult time focusing.

My grandpa finally got out of the psych ward this afternoon. The home he's in now invited us to have dinner with him tonight. I saw there was a lady that was putting all the medicine together for all the tenants. I noticed that she had a meter and test strips and figured there must be some diabetics in the home. I was wondering how many carbs the dinner was going to have so Mom suggested that I go ask her. She must know since you'd obviously need to know how many carbs there were to be able to properly take care of the diabetics.

"Ma'am? Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what do you need?"

"I was wondering how many carbs are in the meal tonight."

"Oh, we don't keep track of that."

What?!

"Well you've got diabetics here, how do you know how much insulin to give them or if they're on track with their meal plan?" I said exasperated.

"Well we don't do anything intensive like that. We just make sure everything is low sugar, stuff like that." She said this like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Since when is counting carbs intensive?

And low sugar my butt! They served us a large cup of juice for our drink. The main course was meatloaf with half a plate of corn and some new potatoes. That might be low sugar but that was the furthest from low carb. I mean, half my plate was nothing but corn. Then we got some very sugary desserts. I glanced at someone I had seen have their blood sugar tested. They got the same thing the rest of us did.

If they don't keep track of carbs then how do they give these people the proper amount of insulin? The diabetics in that home aren't going to die of whatever has put them into assisted living, they'll be killed by such poor care. The lady said that they aren't that intensely trained, they aren't nurses. Apparently they just treat the diabetics like the rest of the patients. They give them their drugs at the appropriate times and otherwise let them do whatever.

I really hope Grandpa never gets diabetes because that place would kill him. Good grief, that really got me ticked. I don't even know the people that have diabetes in there but I feel upset for them. That particular home is for the memory impaired so it's not like they can stand up for themselves. I'm still fuming.

Lucky Strip With Jess.

2007-12-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

That's what keeps bringing people to my blog. Well I'm sorry to disapoint, but Jess don't strip. Jess uses strips and is usually lucky but YOU aren't going to be lucky enough to catch me stripping. (Sorry for the images Daddy) Oh yeah, just be warned all potential stalkers. My dad is very protective of his only daughter.

Jess is a Type 1 Diabetic who likes to talk in third person.

The Sick Meme

2007-12-14T14:44:00.002-07:00

I feel like procrastinating. I feel like garbage. I've got swollen glands that feel like golf balls, a fever, and I finally understand the phrase, "waves of nausea."

So I feel like doing a meme. Stole it from Kerri.

1. Were you named after anyone? Nope. From what I've been told, Jessica Nicole is the only name my parents could agree on.

2. When was the last time you cried? Last night, I read a really heartbreaking story.

3. Do you like your handwriting? I hate it. Nobody can read it and everybody assumes that I'm a guy based on my handwriting. It might have something to do with the fact that I changed school three times while I was learning how to write and each school taught it's own writing style. So my handwriting a mixture of cursive and print mushed into one.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Roast Beef, hands down.

5. Do you have kids? Not for a while. Although, I'm so much older than my brothers that I have been accused of being their mom. Funny thing is, a week after that I was given a ten and under menu. I was 17!!

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Heck yeah!! I love crazy people.

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Never. LOL

8. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes, and I'm rather attached.

9. Would you bungee jump? With an actual bungee cord? Yes. Blood sugars? NO.

10. What is your favorite cereal? Golden Crisp or as my family refers to them: Sugar Bear. I love that stuff with whole milk and a bit of heavy cream.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Never. I do have to re-tie them on regular basis though. I constantly trip on the laces pulling them untied.

12. Do you think you are strong? Don't underestimate me just because I'm short. I'm proud of my strength. I've got a handshake that makes missionaries envious. As far as emotions, I'm getting stronger.

13. What is your favorite ice cream? First of all, it HAS to be Aggie Ice Cream. Raspberries and Cream mixed with Cookie Dough. That was happy accident discovering how well those two mix.

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? How they interact with those around them. If it's a guy my age, I generally notice the eyes first.

15. Red or Pink? It's not pink it's lightish red. LOL I prefer red but I've been told that I look great in hot pink, I'm just not that fond of wearing pink. Too girlish for me.

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My lack of self-discipline.

17. Who do you miss the most? My Grandpa. I miss his personality and sharp, teasing wit.

18. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? My blue jeans and my orange and black tennis shoes. (What else? I don't wear anything else.)

20. What was the last thing you ate? A chicken enchilada and a mix of hot chocolate and french vanilla cappuccino.

21. What are you listening to right now? Pandora, the current artist is Nickleback. Love them. Now we're on Metallica

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Blue. Similar to the color of my eyes.

23. Favorite smells? Old Spice, original scent. This is what both my grandpa's wear, my dad and my little brother. Evergreens in the winter. Sagebrush. My Grandma Specht

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Lady at the hospital to see how late blood work can be done today.

25. Favorite sports to watch? Basketball, Hockey, Football, Baseball, Karate

26. Hair color? Dirty blonde.

27. Eye color? Blue.

28. Do you wear contacts? No, but my roommates thought I did until they noticed that my eyes were always the same color. They couldn't believe that my eyes were naturally the color they are.

29. Favorite food? Alaskan King Salmon. I'm rather fond of my freshly caught rainbow trout. There's something incredibly satisfying about catching your own food.

30. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Boom-Booms please. I love explosive endings. I guess that could be scary.

31. Last movie you watched? In theatre, Beowulf. Right now we're watching Arthur and the Invisibles.

32 What color shirt are you wearing? A loud yellow t-shirt. It's my volunteer shirt from the Howl.

33. Summer or winter? Winter. You can always put on more clothes. There's only so many you can take off.

34. Hugs or kisses? Both for family. Hugs for good friends and handshakes for everyone else.

35. Favorite dessert? Cheese cake

36. What is on your mousepad? It's a laptop, no mousepad. I have a mousepad sitting around that I would use if I had a mouse. It's a hologram mousepad from the Navy.

37. What did you watch on TV last night? The Bourne Ultimatum

38. Favorite sounds? Music. My dad's voice. My cousin's laugh. That weird sound my mom makes with her cheeks. My brothers playing.

39. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Neither. Please. Give me some Eagles.

40. What is the farthest you have been from home? France.

41. Do you have a special talent? I can love anyone. I can forget and forgive easily. I can make friends with almost anyone if you give me enough time.

Weight Watcher.

2007-12-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

Be warned, this is a whole bunch of rambling and may make no sense at all. (Basically, like all of my other posts LOL)

I've never been one to worry about my weight. Before I was diagnosed my weight sat around 140 lbs. which I was very happy with. It wasn't perfect for my 5' 4" height but I was happy with it. I felt healthy.

I never worried, until I was diagnosed with diabetes. Within a week of getting on insulin I had hit 150, now I hover around 160. I feel sick with my weight. 160 is too much for me. I do some sort of exercise almost every day but I can't get the weight to drop.

I must admit, during the summer I very seriously considered skipping insulin in hopes of getting down to the proper weight. Just before school started, I had gotten to the point where I couldn't get enough insulin due to insurance issues. So I stretched my remaining insulin to stave off DKA. I was happy with the weight loss, I got down to 145. Unfortunately it ended up with me in the ER. Once I started getting the right amount of insulin, I gained back all the weight I had lost.

Now I don't know what to do. I'm really trying to eat healthy. I just don't understand why I can't get back to where I was without drastic measures.

Before diabetes I never worried about my weight, I never thought about what I ate and I never exercised for the sake of health. Now that is something that is always at the back of my mind. Is this healthy? Have I gotten in my 30 minutes of exercise? Why can't I stop gaining weight? Will this weight have an impact on my BG control?

I have thought about skipping insulin intentionally. It would be such an easy way to lose weight. Eat all you want and still lose weight, isn't that the perfect diet? But then I think about all the consequences. Yes, you may lose weight but you ruin your body in the long run. I remember reading a study on diabulemia where they followed like 15 women and only 3 are still alive after about 10 years. All of the others died from complications of diabetes. That's not how I want to go. I want to live a long productive life with no complications of diabetes. So I'm not skipping insulin.

Yet...I can't stop worrying over my weight. I don't understand.

Bits And Pieces.

2007-12-10T20:04:00.000-07:00

Can I just say, I love a person named Holly. She has been working really hard to get me a pump and to make sure that my insurance covers it. She sends me an email on everything that happens. This morning she said she's gonna pester my insurance until she can get the pump to me. I'm going on a trip on Saturday and she said she'll try her very hardest to get the pump to me before then. She rocks my socks!! (To borrow a phrase from Spoon)

Our tree is up!!! It has standard multi-color lights and old fashioned bubble lights. It's nearly done!!
Next I'm going to attempt to get some lights on the front of our house. We have some icicle lights that have been sitting in the cupboard since we moved into the house. I think it's about time we lit up the front of the house.

No Christmas is complete in our household without Trans-Siberian Orchestra (TSO). And, of course you can only listen to it with the full sound system at full blast.

I think I've got a cold. My blood sugars have been floating too high for my liking. I've been lethargic and sore. I just feel downright yucky.

And to close this. I just stepped out onto the front step to bring the dog inside for the night. Well I didn't notice the thick layer of black ice that covered the cement. Fell straight onto my butt. I think the dog was laughing at me. That's my version of holiday cheer...make the dog laugh at me. LOL Happy holidays!!

"Hell If I Know!"

2007-12-05T00:20:00.000-07:00

I've been bungee jumping again. Only, it seemed that the cord broke after a couple of bounces.

For most of the day I've been floating in the 300s after a very low 75 this morning. At the church Christmas party they served spaghetti, rolls and tons of dessert. Carbalicious!! I could have gone heavy on the salad but...I didn't.

Oh, it all looked so good.

According to the meter, I was still high, so I added in a correction with the shot to cover dinner and dessert. Man, the food was tasty.

After the party I walked to Malchik's house and visited with him and his family. I had a ton of fun up there. Before I left, I checked my blood sugar to see how I was doing before I walked home. It rang in at 76. Best number I've seen all day. But it was a bit too low for my comfort so ate some glucose tabs and headed on my way.

A few hours later I was sitting out front with dad surfing the net and watching TV. I noticed that I was losing focus on what I was reading and that my heart had started pounding. An error and about ten finger pricks later, the meter read 72. What the heck? I ate some more glucose tabs and returned to the Internet. 15 minutes later: 112. Finally. Then the symptoms hit again. This time my head was pounding and my heart was racing. I was so shaky I was having a hard time contacting the blood to the test strip.

"Damn it, sit still." I commanded.

My dad looked over at me and then told Mom over the phone, "Jessica is yelling at her blood."

"Well you would too." I defended.

When I finally caught it, the meter glared a 66 at me.

"What the flip! What the heck is going on?" I yelled in frustration.

Dad looked over with concern. "What's up?"

"I can't keep my flippin' stupid, idiotic blood sugar up and I'm starting to get a bit pissed!" I shouted at him. "No matter how many glucose tabs I eat, it keeps dropping."

"Then go eat some cake."

He was referring to that turkey I showed in my earlier post.

So I went to the kitchen and pulled off a leg and started chewing on it. I'd gotten half way through it when the cat decided that she was gonna get sick on the carpet. Oh no you don't! So I set down my turkey leg and ran to get her on the linoleum. I didn't get her fast enough but I ran her to the laundry room just in case she wasn't done. I walked back to the hall and cleaned it up.

It was a few minutes before I got back to the kitchen to finish my turkey leg. Only problem was that I couldn't find it. I couldn't remember where I set it down. I looked all over the kitchen trying to track it down. It wasn't anywhere. I checked all the counters, the cake plate, the garbage, the fridge (I've been know to put stuff in weirder places when I'm not low.) It had disappeared. Dad walked in and asked what was up.

"I lost my turkey leg."

"Well it's gotta be here somewhere." As he began to search too.

We both looked everywhere including the laundry room.

"Where the heck could I have put it?"

"Hell if I know. There's no rhyme or reason when it comes to where you put stuff.
"It'll walk out in about six months and declare its arrival."

What was going on today? Hell if I know!

Leaving My Mark.

2007-12-03T16:54:00.001-07:00

I had just pulled out of my paren'ts driveway and I was just about to the intersection.

Ring, ring!!

I jumped off my bike and dug through my front pocket trying to fish out my cell. I glanced at the caller ID, Grandma.

Cool, I didn't expect a call from her.

"Hey Grandma!"

Startled, "Oh, hi honey, I was trying to get your mom. Not that I mind that I got you." I could hear the smile in her voice.

I walked my bike with one hand while yacking to Grandma. Ten minutes later we were still chatting and I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings. I kinda noticed some orange cones on the sidewalk but I didn't pay them any attention. As I walked between the cones my shoes sunk a bit and squelched as I picked them up.

"Hey!!" An angry voice shouted at me.

As I turned to find the source of the voice, I noticed the sidewalk I'd just walked over had three very clear footprints. My footprints.

I looked to the man that had caught my attention, he was on his cell trying to get a hold of someone. I gave him an apologetic look and he waved me off with an understanding face.

"You are not going to believe what I just did."

"What?"

"I just walked through wet cement."

"What!!"

"Yep."

I heard smothered laughter from the other side of the line. "Oh honey. I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh at you but that's rather funny. Can they just just smooth it out?"

I made a face. "Unfortunately, no. It's too late for that."

***

Oh well, I've always wanted to leave my mark on Malad.

Let it snow!!!

2007-11-29T02:22:00.000-07:00

It has finally snowed here in Utah!!

I love the snow. The world as it is hushed as it falls. The intense feeling of calmness. The feeling that it's finally Christmas time. It's beautiful.

This year I have an interesting challenge with the snow... Riding my bike down the hill into town to work. Not only are the sub-freezing temperatures making my eyes water but by the time I get to work my hands feel like ice blocks. I wear gloves but the cold seeps right through them.

The other thing I've run into when riding into town is the ice on the sidewalks. Logan keeps the sidewalks fairly clear but there are icy patches. There are grooves and frozen footprints that love to reach out and grab the front tire on the bike. I have had a few close calls but so far I haven't fallen to the frozen concrete. Knock on wood.

Let Them Eat Turkey?

2007-11-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

Look at that handsome turkey. MMM MMM MMM.

That is cake.

Everything you see is cake except for the lettuce, which is lettuce. My mom is amazing. She put this together in about two days. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to be able to get any because I'm not going home until the end of the week. Oh well, it wouldn't have done my BS any good anyway.

Crazy Sevens

2007-11-23T02:02:00.001-07:00

!. My pants usually weigh around two or three pounds. Before I put my pants in the laundry I have to empty my pockets of a plethora of objects. Right now, I have in my pockets, my wallet, my cell phone, Mp3 player and ear buds, a pen, a few Ricola wrappers, a syringe (yes, I'm nuts), a few syringe caps, some dead test strips, my jump drive and dead AA battery. And my pants are rather light at the moment.

@. I'm obsessed with Stargate SG-1. I have watched every single episode of this series about 10 times each. At one point I was a faithful member of the Sony Pictures SG-1 forum. You could probably ask me any question and I could come up with the answer and from which episode it's from.

#. I'm a techno geek of the first class. I love technology. I can fix almost anybody else's computer problems. And if I don't know how to fix something I know where to look to figure out how. Unfortunately, I can't keep my own technology alive. I go through cell phones about every three months. I'll get a phone from my parents that they've had for over a year and within a month it will no longer charge. I'll get a brand new phone and I can guarantee that it will be dead in three months.

$. I'm a music druggie. I can't get enough of it. I have tunes playing at all times and I always have my earbuds in my ears. I love to play in band too. Pep band is my favorite to play in. I think my favorite class in high school was Swing Choir. We danced and sang and did our own choreography.

%. When I was little I used to be obsessed with collecting Lipton Tea bottle lids. I was in pursuit of the loudest 'Clicker'. Which ever cap could pop the loudest was kept on my nightstand while all the rejects were put in my toy chest. I would keep the loudest on my nightstand just in case I needed to make a whole bunch of noise to alert my mom that I was having a bad dream.

^. I'm deathly afraid of falling. I have no problem with flying in an airplane or riding roller coasters but if I'm in the nosebleeds of a stadium I can barely move.

&. I'm 18 and I have never taken driver's ed. Nor do I have a driver's licence. I have driven with my parents and I do believe I have given both a small heart attack.

Here are the rules for this meme:

Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
Post these rules on your blog.
List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself
Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

I was tagged by Scott at StickIt. And I'm going to tag Jennifer of Shadows of Perfection, and Bob of My Life with the Pump and anyone else who may happen across my blog. Also I'd love it if you'd tell me if you do do the meme. Thanks.

Thunderin' Soup

2007-11-21T22:24:00.001-07:00

Yelling and thundering of little boys' feet echo through the house as they chase a brown blur (formerly known as our cat) through the living room.

Impromptu tickle fights in the kitchen.

"Get Jessica!!! Get her!!" he he giggle giggle

"No, she's got me, save yourself Lars!" The ever dramatic Karl shouts in between gasps of laughter.

But instead of heeding Karl's sage advice, Lars ran full speed at me in hopes of getting a finger to my ribs. He should have known better. I had him in giggle fits in exactly 2.3 seconds.

While I'm on the topic of Lars, he did a number on my neck tonight. He was sitting on my lap playing with my medical ID necklace. Every time he pulled it out he'd ask, "What's it say?"

"It says Diabetic kiddo."

" 'Betic?" He'd venture.

"Close enough."

Then he'd stick it back under my t-shirt. Wait two seconds and ask again.

After an hour he got bored with pulling it in and out and started running the tag around the chain. Well I wasn't paying very close attention and he pulled the chain tight and pushed the tag up to my neck. It pinched my skin and drew blood. I paying no attention at all so it caught me completely off guard causing me to jump so bad that my laptop went flying. I scared Lars but luckily he didn't go flying with my laptop. I love the kid to pieces but now I'm gonna have to explain to my roommates that, no, I did not get a hickey while I was home. That, in fact, my little brother gave it to me. Here's to hoping they believe me. :D

For dinner we had this wonderful soup that my mom suggested we have. Dad made a homemade chicken noodle soup that had carrots, potatoes, celery and few other things I can't remember at the moment. Man was it good. Not only did it taste good it looked good too.

I'm so looking forward to left-overs.

Lost and Found.

2007-11-18T14:56:00.000-07:00

2:30am:

We were (Paul, Sarah, and me) all driving home from visiting friends and babysitting brothers. Paul was driving, Sarah was nodding off in the back seat and I was digging around in my big black backpack to find a pen. I was digging around in my bag so I could jot down some notes on what we did. I was digging through old assignments and old syringes that had yet to make it to my sharps container and I felt something in the bottom of my bag that I had thought I'd never see again.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I yelled out.

"What" Paul glanced at me in confusion.

I pulled my head from the depths of my bag and looked at Paul in shock.

"Guess what I just found?"

"You're mind?" He grinned cheekily at me.

I rolled my eyes."No, stupid." I laughed at him. "I found my Mp3 player. You know the one I lost like 3 weeks ago?"

"You never thought to look in you bag?"

"Of course I looked in my bag. I turned it literally inside out and took every single thing out of it. Then I flipped my room upside down and tore apart the apartment. It had completely disappeared."

At this time Sarah decided to wake up a little to wonder who was going to clean her rice cooker now. (She was referring to my bribe from a couple of weeks ago. If she found my Mp3 player before I did, I'd clean out her rice cooker. It had been sitting there for a few weeks before I lost my Mp3 player. Now it's been sitting there for nearly a month and a half and I swear the rice has now crawled, called us mama and now goes to college along with us.)

Anyway...

I never realized how much I rely on my technology until I lost it. I only went to the gym 3 times while it had been lost. Music is my motivator. When I have something difficult to do or I really need to focus I pop my earphones in and crank my tunes.

I am so glad I've found it again. My daddy got it for me and it really means a lot to me. Thanks Dad.

Sisterhood

2007-11-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

"Chance made us sisters... Love made us friends"

She listens to my ramblings and obsessive talk about diabetes where everyone else gets irritated. She is truly interested in not only my health but anything I feel like yacking about. She takes the time to just be there. She wants to know how to treat a low. She waited patiently while I dug around my room to find my glucagon. She's the one who asked how to use it. She's the one that said to put it in the kitchen so she could grab if she needed to. She's the one who understood enough to ask what she needs to do to test my blood sugar. She's the one that wanted to how to bring my blood sugar down.

She's the one that assumes that my happiest news is that I'm going to get my pump when in fact all I was pumped about was my replacement bike. But when I am excited about a new development in getting my pump she's just as hyper as I am.

She's the tall blond with the dark underlights and bleeding blue streak in her bangs. She's the one with the warm open arms. She's has the shoulder that I can cry on when life is going terribly wrong. She has the humor that can make me laugh so hard my sides hurt. She has the smile that can brighten any day.

She understands hard times and mistakes. She has the experience to truly say, "I understand." She has the heart that truly cares.

She's the one that freaks when I take care of a terrible blood sugar reaction on my own. She's the admonishing tone that requires I ask for help when I need it. She's the one that notices that I've passed out rather than just fallen asleep. She's the hero that wakes me up and pushes me to check my BG. She's the one that comes through the fog and says, "You need to treat that low."

She's the older sister I've never had and always wanted. She's the friend that is steady and dependable even if she is late to everything. She's there when it matters. She's another best friend. She is a wonderful roommate. She's a friend for life.

I just want to say thank-you to my friend Spoon. Without her I'd be more lost than I already am. If you ever read this post, I want to say thanks for being you. Thanks for being there. I love you like family and you know how much family means to me.

Bungee Jumping

2007-11-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

I pulled my head out from underneath my over sized pillow. I felt like I'd just finished an Iron Man. My mouth tasted like I'd been chewing on cow manure. My hair was a sweaty mess both clinging to my head and standing out at odd angles. All of this due to my blood sugar bungee jumping without my permission.
I grabbed my cell to see how late in the day it was, but my roommate beat me to the punch.

"It's four." She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Crap, Work was at ten!” my voice came out like gravel.

I flipped open my phone and scrolled down until I found Information Alliance in my contacts and called in to let them know I was sick and not coming in. Next I called Carl's Jr.

I felt and still feel unreliable. I wonder if anyone else has had to do this or if most would just go in anyway.

"Man, Jess, you sound awful."

"I feel awful. I wonder what my BS is sitting at now?"

I grabbed my meter.

168. Not bad. For me anyway.

I scrolled through the history. The last entries read 386, 86, and 50. Like I said earlier, bungee jumping.

At about seven I had woken up shaking like a fall leaf. My heart was pounding at around 200 M.P.H. I grabbed my meter and stabbed my finger like five times before I actually pushed hard enough to draw blood. I had to lay my hand on my lap so I could hold my trembling hand still enough to catch the blood into the meter.... 50.

I unsteadily stood and leaned against the wall as I made my way out of my room and into the kitchen. I sat in front of the cupboard and reached into my stash of root beer under the sink. I cracked open a can and drained it. I only needed about a third of the can but I was in panic mode. (Going low is not something I do very often. Usually I'm soaring in the clouds. I hate to admit it but my 30-day average is around 250. It's awful, I know, and I'm working on it.)

So as my heart pulled off the racetrack and my hands stilled, I took my blood sugar again. 86. I felt safe to go to bed now.

Next thing I know, I'm prying my sticky eyes open to the distant sound of my cell phone alarm going off. As I sat up it felt like my head was in vise grip and about to float away. I grabbed the meter off the nightstand and watched while the test strip sipped up the blood and considered it, yet again.... 386. Grr. I pulled up a syringe with 9 units and jabbed it in my side. I promptly dropped back into the bed and shoved my head under my pillow. The light barging in the window was killing my head.

While I slept the second time, I had some of the most disturbing nightmares I've had in a long while. The nightmares mostly centered on my best friend whom I shall refer to as Malchik. He had succeeded in a suicide attempt. And I still hadn't had the chance to see him since he withdrew from school and went back home in October. This guy means the world to me and I'm so scared that I might lose him.

After I had called into work and checked my BS, I started to quietly cry. I still felt the terror of losing my friend; I was still exhausted from my bungee jumping and I felt downright guilty for missing work.

Some days I really hate blood sugar. I think it needs to personified and shot. In the gut. Repeatedly.

Battle Scars.

2007-11-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

"Ouch, Dang it! That's gonna leave a mark."

And it did. I looked down at my forearm and saw the shiny sign of my clumsiness. I swear I burned myself on the char broiler tonight like 10 times. It was my fourth day at my new job at Carl's Jr. tonight. I tried to be careful but let's face it, I'm a total klutz.

I have my fair share of battle scars. I've got scars on my knuckles from tearing computers apart. I very distinctly remember the first time I opened my first computer. And of course me being me, I drew blood.

The teacher had just given up on a computer and asked who wanted to tear it open and part it out. I eagerly volunteered. I grabbed a screwdriver and dove in. Unfortunately, no body told me how sharp computers are. I was wrestling with a particularly stubborn screw when my screwdriver decided that friction was no longer in effect and went flying. Of course my hand followed.

"Flip! That hurt."

I reached into the case to chase after the runaway screwdriver and ended up having to pick up the tower to shake it out. When I finally got ahold of it I happened to glance at the back of my hand. It was rather brilliant shade of red.

"Dagnabit!"

I ducked my head into the case and saw the evidence of my hand all over the hard drive. That didn't make it into the keep pile.

I have battle scarred knuckles due to my love/hate relationship with computers. I rarely part out a computer without a blood sacrifice to the tech gods.

Now I'm slowly earning my battle scars from diabetes. Mostly from the constant testing. As I was showering yesterday I took a good look at my pruning hands. My fingers don't look like they did a year ago. A year ago my fingers were unmarked and pruned just like everyone else's fingers. Now... They look like Normandy.

Nothing but craters in each finger tip. But these scars are worth it. They are a result of my battle with diabetes. They are what will tip the odds into my hands. The more craters I have the more control I have and the further diabetes gets beaten back.

I'm proud of my craters. I will win this war.

Nadda

2007-11-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

Not much happened today. Got a lab done and picked up prescriptions. So I'm just going to post my MBTI badge.

Inspection.

2007-11-07T23:20:00.001-07:00

Food. Hair. Syringe Caps. Bobby Pins. Dishes. Nothing.

Those are the things that kept popping up today during our in-depth cleaning of our apartment. We have dorm inspection tomorrow and we have to be up to par or we'll be fined. So we all got together this afternoon and jumped in.

During the laughing, teasing and general fun, Spoon and I found that all of us leave something around the apartment.

"Good grief, I never realized how much of the food in the freezer is mine. Same for the fridge." Spoon said with surprise as she replaced it after her thorough scrub of the refrigerator.

"And the pantry and the cupboards." I thought. Spoon is definitely stocked. If only she were ever home to eat it.

"You know, we all leave something around the apartment. Dot has her hair that is everywhere. You (me) have those little caps (insulin syringe tops). And Hipster has her bobby pins." She pointed out.

"And Sarah has her dishes that are always in the sink. What about Twitch?" I asked.

We both sat for a sec thinking.

"She's not here enough to leave anything around." We decided.

I think having roommates is the best thing in the world. One thing I love about my roommates is our nicknames. Spoon, Dot, Lucky (me), Hipster, Truffle and Twitch.

There's a story behind each that we told when we first sat down and got to know each other. They're based on embarrassing stories, my unusual luck, a bum hip from last year, a commonly used user name on the net, the fact that one can't sit still.

We use them on our chore chart that sits in the living room. Almost every visitor, upon reading our chore board, asks the same question.

"Who the heck is Spoon?"

We point her out.

"WHY is her name Spoon?" They always ask in curiosity.

"Not gonna tell you." Is the pat reply.

"Oh come on. Who am I going to tell?" they'll whine.

"Sorry."

For some reason they can't take no for answer but they will always leave disappointed because none of us will ever tell the hilarious story. I mean, come on, first, we're friends. Second, who in their right mind would snitch on the person you live with? They know where you sleep. I don't want to be murdered in my sleep.

I love nicknames. I've accumulated a few. Stinky, Henry, Grace, Jess, Druggie, Lucky. I cherish them all and they all have memories to go alongside them. I know that I'll always remember my roommate's names with humor in my heart. Just like I'll always think of they, themselves, with humor. I couldn't have been blessed with better roommates.

Authorized.

2007-11-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

"Yes!!"

That's what I felt like shouting when my doctor told me I can get a pump. I have been waiting so long. (Well not that long, but long enough) I started looking into pumps three or four months ago and talked to my diabetic educator about it a month and a half ago. I set up a doctor appointment as soon as was possible but they hadn't an opening today.

So this morning I pulled myself out of bed around 10ish. Bad, I know. And then ran out the door and started speed walking toward the Budge clinic. I got there at 10:43. The appointment was at 10:45. Crap! So I finally figured out which desk assistant I was supposed to talk to and I found out that they're running about 15 minutes late. I let out a sigh of relief. I absolutely hate being late, drives me up the walls.

So when they finally called me in I crinkled on the bed while shifting waiting for Dr. Brown. He finally came in and asked,"What is your number one reason for being here?"

First word on my tongue, "Pump."

He asked me a few questions about pumps and seemed rather impressed with the amount of research I had done. He didn't know how badly I've wanted a pump.

I'm so excited.

On another brief note, we're going to attempt to battle my depression with Celexa (sp?). Here's to hoping.

I'm a walking bio hazard

2007-11-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

"Good grief Jess! Your half of the room is a bio hazard!" My roommate exclaimed.
"You have everything from syringes to socks laying everywhere. Those socks of yours are threatening to eat my clothes."

I think the health department would have my neck if they were to look at my bedroom in my dorm. I can usually see the floor, although lately, it's gotten a little out of control. I have three full Sharps containers sitting in my closet and one sitting on my night stand. I have torn open and partially empty bags of syringes sitting in my open night stand drawer. On my desk and in my closet too. Then you look in my coat or my backpack and they litter the pockets. They are everywhere.

A few weeks ago my roommate's little sister came by and saw Sharps containers and few runaway syringes and asked Sarah (my roommate) if I was a druggie. That may be a nickname but, no, I don't do illegal drugs. I do do prescription amphetimines. That'd be for my ADHD, though. I also inject like an addict. Might have something to do with my addiction to food though, not sure yet.

Gentlemen, Start your engines!

2007-11-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd just dive in. This is something I wrote to keep from bored at work.

"It was like I was speaking with peanut butter in my mouth. My tongue kept getting stuck to the roof of my mouth. The people I was surveying kept asking me to repeat what I had said. When I went on break I completely lost sense of time. I swear I'd barely sat down at the break table then glanced at the clock, it read 12:20. Becky had told me 12:10 as I'd left on my 15 minute break. I thought the clock was just off because I'd just sat down. When I returned she said I'd been gone for 21 minutes. This was so weird because I usually take only 10 minutes. So I sat back at my desk and checked my BS...384. :( No wonder."

I took 6 units.

As I had been checking my BS my team lead walked by and commented, "I never knew you had Diabetes. How long have you had it?"

"Oh, I've had it about 9 months."

Surprised, "Really, Is that Type 2 then?"

"Nope, oddly enough it's Type 1", I said.

Her eyes widened, "Wow, that is unusual. Good luck with it."

I thought it was a bit funny because I remember telling her and my other team leads about my diabetes. They all had been rather surprised. I'd just mentioned that I'd need to test and eat occasionally during the long shifts.

Two hours later it was down to 138. Much better. Felt so much better and I could actually talk. Felt great to be able to actually speed through a survey instead of stumbling.

So here's a wee bit about myself. My first job is telephone market research. I call people and drive them nuts with 20 questions plus. I also work at Carl's Jr. I'm also a full time freshmen at Utah State University. I'm the oldest of four and the only girl. My three brothers are Derreck (12), Karl (6), and Lars (2). I love my family to pieces. I've had Type 1 diabetes since January 24th, 2007. Right in the middle of my senior year I came into the ER with a blood sugar of 804. My life has never been the same since and I plan to write mostly about my diabetes experiences but I know the rest of my life will insinuate itself into my blogs. So until tomorrow...